The Onion

A very good, politically minded Onion this week. Read something actually informative here.

blinded by the right

I have this uncle named Jim. He is a Baptist Fundamentalist Christian. He occasionally sends out mass emails, which I receive along with my parents and other relatives I'm sure, which usually have some sort of incredible Christian message, meaning that all the pronouns referring to God are capitalized ("and His children with stand with Him at the Right Hand of the LORD"). These are sometimes signed by my uncle (who's like 68 years old, by the way) as 'brother Jim'. And that's OK. I just skim and delete them usually, and don't see any harm done.

BUT, my brothers and sisters, yesterday he crossed the line. I received a forwarded email with the subject line "social security". It described, in completely biased terms and poor grammar, how the Democrats were lying to the American people, and throughout the past forty years have passed law after law to take away the hard earned benefits of the working man, while at the same time blaming Republicans. As 'evidence', the email provided vague historical 'facts', such as "Lyndon Johnson, and a Democratic Congress, passed a law that taxed...." without mentioning of course that Johnson's actions were done to created Medicare and other social systems which didn't exist prior. So, anyway, I was angry upon reading it, and even more angry that my family and others were being sent this crap. So I wrote my uncle, who I haven't talked to in over a year, and told him not to send out mass emails containing biased and half-true facts. This morning he replied and said that as far as he knew all those facts were true, and would I mind telling him which were not. Well, though I was at work, and quite busy, I took the time to do a little online research, went to several .gov sites and looked at official laws and policy for each of the vague example the slanderous email gave. Then I wrote a long and detailed email with all of the evidence I'd accrued, and pointed out the biased nature of the piece. I was so angry the whole time. Obviously my uncle is going to vote fucking republican, I'm not going to change his mind about anything, but it still felt like I had to do it. He hasn't replied yet, but either way I'll see him at the wedding on Saturday. I'll probably end up stabbing him with a broken beer bottle. Good times.

By the way, I wrote my parents an email and told them an abridged version of this story. I also said that if either of them votes for Bush in November I'm not coming home for Thanksgiving.

Nerd Alert!

I'm actually excited about the new Spider-Man movie. Read Ebert's review, or actually, only read the first 5 paragraphs, to avoid any spoilers here . The thing I'm most excited about is the mention of novelist Michael Chabon (pronounced shay-bun). I'm not exactly sure what he wrote that got put into the movie, but he's one of the greatest novelists of our time, and he loves comic books (his last novel concerned their origins, and he also wrote a rejected treatment of the first X-men movie). So his involvement got me excited enough, even more so that all the 4 star reviews I'm seeing. His last book, The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, was amazing indeed, every sentence within was better than any sentence I've ever written. I highly recommend it to anyone who's looking for something good to read.

jet set

So no posts for the past few days, I've been busy. And the sight of a computer monitor makes me want to throw up, so looking at one and not getting paid for it is too much. I'm at work now, you see, parking ramp, working an 11 hour shift. I've only 75 minutes to go, for the first 10 hours I couldn't log onto the computer because my password changed and then it apparently locked me out of the system until now. No matter, in the meantime I've finished one book, read a complete one, and started another one called 'Life of Pi' by Yann Martel. My girlfriend and I are reading it simultaneously.

so last week: wednesday went to see spoon at the annex, oblivious to the tornados outside. I met a friend there about an hour before the show started, she tried to buy her ticket at the door but the show was already sold out, but we had a couple beers anyway, and she paid me the 37 dollars she's owed me since July. (note to self: don't lend money to friends). The band was good, cept for their new touring keyboardist, who didn't seem to know all the songs yet, and provided a couple very cringe-worthy moments. But it was a good show, high energy and a surprisingly lively madison crowd.

Thursday and friday i worked ten hour days and took walks after dinner, listening to the mixtape my girl sent me (it's actually on cassette, so she sent her walkman to listen to it as well). Friday morning I work up and ran into a strange man coming out of my bathroom. I was too tired to be shocked, apparently he is a friend of former third roommate Pedro who is staying for a few days. Maybe he's gone by now. He was a nice guy, invited me to go out drinking with him but I declined. And now today I went to the library and then to work at 1245. Tomorrow I have to work the night shift again, which will give me a grand total of about 65 hours between the two jobs. Next weekend will be a three-day weekend, but with traveling and wedding expenses I'm going to be hit pretty hard. Plus, probably pretty tired after working 19 days in a row. I'm probably gonna look pretty shitty in the wedding pictures. Getting my hair cut tomorrow, that's pretty exciting, huh? I feel like I'm in purgatory.

So, work, eat, run a few errands, talk on the phone, and sleep. Thats the immediate future, maybe six months worth. I'll devote a few future posts to marking any change in the routine, otherwise I'm just going to write about socialism from now on.

That's the way we get by.

So I finished off the rest of my 99 problems, with a little help from my friends. Tonite otherwise has been a bust, had to drive all the way to Home Depot for a fuse. Stayed at work for over 10 hours again. Tomorrow I'll leave earlier though.

ALso, tomorrow.... I'm so excited.... tomorrow night, 9 pm, I get to see Spoon play live! for the fourth time, this time in my own town. And only 10 dollar tickets, too! what the hizzah is up with that? I haven't been to many concerts this year, on account of saving money and no need to hook up with any more artists/songwriters. I did see the Von Bondies, Mates of State, and Death Cab for cutie though, all in March i believe. And a disappointing Calvin Johnson, with an ex-girlfriend's band opening (and, weirder yet, my current girlfriend bought their CD).

So more stories will follow. Stay tuned.

Only 3 more days until Fahrenheit 9/11 is released in a theatre near you.

Weekend countdown

That last post I wrote, I started it last night and then "completed" in this morning. Last night I also drank an entire bottle of wine. It was a small bottle, but still. Now I have to go to work in two hours, and then come home and sleep for about 6, then go to work again. This weekend was quite unsatisfying.

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one

The subject above is a quote from a Jay-Z song, if you have been under a rock.

Anyway, here we go:

1. My car is a piece of crap. I can't drive it for more than 30 feet without expecting it to die. In august I'm actually moving farther away from work, so i'll put on nearly 30 miles everyday, plus I have to go to my hometown and chicago occasionally, so I'm really gonna be pushing my luck.
2. The apartment gets too hot in the summer.
3. And it's above a bar, where bands play 3-4 nights a week
4. I found a dead, squashed rat in the parking lot yesterday, I parked next to it and nearly stepped on it.
5. I don't have health insurance.
6. I have insanely problematic knees. Last week in chicago suddenly i couldn't straighten my leg for about 15 hours. Then it seemed OK.
7. I don't have dental insurance, and haven't been to a dentist in 2.5 years. I keep feeling massive tooth decay. I'm going to look like Austin Powers soon.
8. I have two new roommates who make me feel like a stranger in my own apartment.
9. Aside from working constantly, and running errands and paying bills, I've got nothing much to do (hence this list on a saturday night)
10. My classical guitar hasn't had strings for two and a half years.
11. I still don't know how to drive stick and feel vaguely emasculated by this.
12. At work, at about 3 in the afternoon my eyes feel like they're going to fall out of their sockets.
13. Since I've been working late, I've been eating lunch late, and by myself, which makes me feel kind of lame.
14. I hate getting referred to as 'the temp' within my department.
15. Why the fuck did Pavement have to break up?
16. Why does Owen Wilson, an obviously talented man, appear in so many shitty movies?
17. It's annoying that my parents act like robots programmed to be nice all the time when they are around my girlfriend.
18. I wish I'd talk to my sister more often.
19. I got a fancy digital camera for Christmas but haven't used it in over a month.
20. I still haven't bought seasons 5 and 6 of Buffy the vampire slayer.
21. I still haven't written a story longer than 20 pages since I've graduated college.
22. I have to do laundry at a Laundromat, and every time i can't find enough quarters, or even one or fives to put into the change machine.
23. I own an iron, but not an ironing board, and I feel that i look like a hobo at work sometimes.
24. I do not photograph well.
25. I need a better stereo, tv, and dvd player.
26. I've started losing my hair.
27. I'm not nearly as well-read as I pretend to be.
28. I'm never able to eat a big breakfast when I wake up, and then I'm hungry two hours later.
29. I found out yesterday that I suck at bocci-ball. A lot.
30. I have terrible eyesight, and need new glasses and contacts.
31. I can never seem to make myself buy fresh vegetables when I go shopping.
32. Why the fuck did Devin Harris have to turn pro?
33. I'm not saving up as much money as I'd hoped.
34. I need a haircut, but am waiting until before the wedding I have to be in.
35. Network TV blows.
36. Pasta is so cheap, but a container of pesto is like 4 dollars.
37. This list was a horrible idea.
38. Why couldn't have been, like, 37 problems?
39. Or even 50, that would have been manageable.
40. And my girlfriends off limits, but I could probably think of 25 things right there.
41. And I'm hungry, and tired of this.
42. I never seem to finish any ambitious project I start.
43. Ok, fuck it, I'm done.

I'm Rick James, bitch!

I'm at work, job number 2, which means I'm getting paid. But I'm not actually doing anything. I have to be here til 1 pm, hopefully something interesting will happen in the meantime. I have a computer here, obviously, but the speakers don't work, so my pile of CDs I brought will not do my any good whatsoever. I'm extremely tired, which is strange, since I'm up this early every weekday anyway (and most weekends, lately), and went to sleep at a reasonable time.

I have two new roommates, just for the next two months. they are girls, they are 20 years old, their names are justine and amy. they are OK so far, I probably won't see them much. last night they went out and this morning they weren't home. I wonder what they were doing. Probably making out with each other.

I have a place to live for the fall now. It took me awhile to find something, since I really didn't know what I'd be doing in the next year or so. I was looking something for a short lease, til the end of the year. The place I ended up getting actually has a month-to-month lease, which is great, in case i want to split earlier or later. It's a vaguely grandmother-like house in a quiet residential neighborhood, a bit far away from work but it comes fully furnished. So i'll move in my clothes and a few things and I'll be set. I'll have some more kiddy roommates, but I'll be too busy to care. And I'm getting a free queen size bed, so I can just do somersaults on that all damn day.

Then what? Well, unless I get a big promotion in the next few months (which could happen, I suppose), I'll be saving up moneys, and then I'll sell my car and move to Chicago, and never see my hometown again.

So this afternoon I may go to a housewarming party, otherwise I plan to spend the night at home, drinking a bottle of wine. Drunken ramblings may ensue!

mamets

Tonite watched 'Glengarry Glen Ross', finally, after about two years of wanting to rent it but forgetting. Great, the dialogue is fucking awesome. Do y'all know the character Gil from the Simpsons? The failed salesman type dude? Well, i'm sure that he was based on Jack Lemmon's character from this movie. Almost distracted me from the story at first. The screenplay was written by David Mamet, who also wrote the play it's based on. About a month ago I was all excited, me and my lady were going to go to this free performance of 'the water engine', another mamet play, which was at an opera house south of town. Then of course the day of the show I found out online that the play was going to be put on by all kids, age 9-14. A little disappointing. We didn't go.

Last Sunday, June 13 was special. Why? Because it's the last day off I'll have until July 3. Start working back at the old parking ramp on weekends, for extra cash and extra savings. Went in tonite to fill out paperwork, then got asked to work tomorrow morning. I'd already signed up for sunday, plus saturday and sunday of next week. So this week I worked 46 hours at my regular job, and now have 12.5 more for the weekend, and it'll be the same for next week. That weekend off over the fourth will be welcome, 3 days even, but I won't have much time to relax, since I'm standing up in my cousin's wedding. Interesting side note, my cousin just informed me that we won't be wearing dress shoes with our tuxes, but sandals. I'll do it, but I've decided I'm going to paint my toenails. Nothing gaudy... a nice silver to match the vest.

now I'm going to make a phone call and then try to sleep despite the band that's playing downstairs, and then go to work at 7 am on a saturday.

p.s. today my car is parking next to a flattened, dead rat. It's been in the parking lot for a few weeks.

giddy-up

Yesterday i bought a CD for the first time in months. Two of them, actually, the new Streets and Sonic Youth. Last year, and the few years before that, I bought about 50-80 a year, a number which shrunk lots once i got dsl (shhhh!). It's weird that in the digital age you can know a lot about music, or movies or books or pop culture or whatever, without ever actually listening to music, or watching the movie, or reading anything that hasn't been html formatted. Pessimists and illiterates used to say that reading a novel was a escape from actually having a worthwhile life of one's own, and now it seems I can learn the same lessons and themes from that book by reading the extended blurb on the new york times website. Which leaves me more time for what exactly?

Things I'm on at the moment: David Sedaris, Freaks and Geeks on DVD, having my internal monologue be in a faux-cockney accent, my George Foreman Grill, being sober, and figuring out the next couple months of my life.