Don't Make Me a Target

Right now at this very second in time it feels like about 110 degrees in our 'office,' which has inspired me to write a bit about last weekend. The Pitchfork festival was good. Too hot, obviously, though. I'd much rather buy countless $4 beers instead of wait for twenty minutes in the line to refill my water bottles any time, but who wouldn't? Also, I was surprised at the size of the crowd, I was a bit spoiled by Intonation's low turnout and reasonable temperatures. I arrived at about 2 on Saturday, just in time for Man Man, who I've neither seen nor heard before. They put on a great show, as did nearly everyone else on Saturday. I skipped parts of Band of Horses, Destroyer, and the Walkmen to gather water and/or food, but everyone else was great, at least from my usual vantage point right behind the soundboard (it was so crowded). Granted, eight hours of standing in the sun took its toll, so we didn't arrive on Sunday until about 6. I saw Yo La Tengo put on a rather lackluster set, then managed to squeeze into a rather decent spot up front to see Spoon play a great show as always (two new songs/new album early next year I believe) that was unfortunately cut short by the powers that rule the festival. Skipped Os Mutantes (remember the 12-year rule) to buy a couple silkscreen posters (Ted Leo/Rx and Death Cab) for our apartment, and headed home. Didn't sleep much last night. You can find more comprehensive reviews written elsewhere by people sitting in air conditioning if you spend five seconds looking.

An interesting thing happened Saturday while I was waiting for my overpriced chicken kebob: in the span of three minutes my picture was taken by two different and unrelated people who liked my tee-shirt. One of those people has a well-written but largely unread blog. Anyway, the attention was brief and completely unwarranted, but welcome nonetheless. I sometimes feel like a ghost here, especially in this neighborhood, walking around all ordinary and plain, especially since I've gotten a short haircut. I want to shout "I don't like my corporate job very much, but I suck at making art, even though I greatly appreciate it. Give me a fucking chance people!" It's almost enough to make a guy get a neck tattoo. Almost.

Catastrophe

I am not a cat person. I am a dog person. Simple as that. I'm not anti-cat. I'm not a cat-hater, I just prefer dogs. I don't need to go into reasons why, it is pretty obvious. You can't argue one way or another, and like with religion or politics, conversions are very rare. I'm a dog person.

So, we might get a cat. Our new apartment, being old and whatnot, allows cats but not dogs, and somewhere along the line M got the idea that we needed to have a cat. Or, as she says, a kitty. 'Can we get a kitty?' is the new question of the day, taking various alternate forms such as 'Either we get a kitty or I'll buy this $200 coffee maker, which is it?'. Recently this has turned into a constant barrage of feline-related discussions, and it is almost inevitable that soon enough everything I own will be covered in cat hair.

My family had a cat when I was growing up. It was named Pepper, and was well-behaved (didn't urinate on random things, didn't claw up furniture or do anything else that cats do that I don't even know about) but kind of a jerk (hated new people, didn't like to be petted, hid in the basement for days, and resented everyone when we got a puppy after a few years of becoming bored with the cat). I really don't want a cat like that. The cat that I'm looking for, if I have to have one, is one who behaves like the best roommate I've ever had. They should be independent enough to be able to do their own things, sometimes I may not see them all day. But when we do hang out, it should always be a blast. Also, they should be neat and not ever get pissed off. And never wake me up by licking my face. And not ask me for money (or catnip, or whatever).

If I have to share my apartment with a cat, I'm not going to become a cat person. I am making a vow here. I'm not going to start cooing about how cute it is, or waste valuable blog real estate telling you how fucking 'pwecious' it is, or post little pictures of it being adorable with horrible captions.

Some Youtube Goodness for the Childrens

Best Music Video Ever - "Sabotage" directed by Spike Jonze

R.E.M.'s first TV appearence - performing 'Radio Free Europe' on Letterman

Unaired Pilot for Heat Vision and Jack, starring Jack Black and the voice of Owen Wilson - Best thing ever???

Chappelle's classic Samuel Jackson Beer commercial

Why basketball and trampolines do not go together.

Pull Shapes

I've been going to the Pitchfork website daily since 1998, back when it was called live-wire.com, I think. For all of its faults, it's still my most trusted review source, even though I disagree with the reviews sometimes and it can be predictable (I always try to guess the ranking before clicking on the review. I can get it spot on some of the time, but they also manage to surprise me sometimes (like with this week's Pipettes review)). Therefore, you'd think that something called the Pitchfork Music Festival held approximately six blocks east and fourteen blocks south of my apartment would hold some appeal. Well, you'd be right. The line-up is fantastic. I can't see myself getting there any later than 2 or 2:30 each afternoon, and I will stay until the end both days. God knows what kind of shape I'll be in on Monday. Temps are supposed to be 95 or so, I wonder if I can survive in that sort of environment, though I'm sure I'll see plenty of hipsters wearing sweaters or leggings. I'll be the sweaty dude in shorts and a white tee shirt with "7.9" written on it in magic marker.

You're with me, Weather

Last Tuesday I walked to the train after work, but the doors closed just as I reached the platform. Five minutes later, I was on another train. We moved to the next stop and then the power went out and emergency lights came on. We stood in a now-air conditionless car for about ten minutes, before we received the announcement to empty the train and go up to the street. It turns out the train ahead of us had caught on fire. It was a big enough story to make the BBC news apparently. If I had been ten seconds earlier and been in the thick of it. I'd like to think that I'd help personally escort several pregnant women and elderly people to safety through the thick smoke. But, more likely, I would have wet myself, pushed past the old people, and used a fallen pregnant woman to cushion my jump off of the train, all the while thinking 'I hope this smoke doesn't damage my iPod.'

Syd Barrett was surprisingly well known for someone whose actual music most people have never heard. I'm sure Piper will at least receive a sales bump, which is certainly well-deserved. Everything Pink Floyd did afterwards always seemed brilliant to me, but then I turned 20 and realized most of it was not very good, and regard mostly everything today with dramatic eye-rolling. Dark Side of the Moon has been so overplayed that I don't think I'll ever listen to it again. Anyway, check this neat youtube clip of early P.F. on some BBC TV show, they play after some crusty dude gives a speech on why they aren't any good.

Last Thursday I went out for tapas and sangria at Iberico, ate about 20 different things, including rabbit(!), and drank enough to nearly kill me. The occasion was a farewell dinner for a coworker, who was nice enough to give me the alarm clock/CD player that was on her desk. Right now I'm trying to determine the loudest volume level that I can get away with.

On Saturday I bought an air conditioner. Usually, I can suck it up and get by for a few hot days, but with triple digit temps I finally caved in. It's just for our bedroom, for sleeping. Problem was that the airconditioner was so small that we kind of had to improvise to seal off the window around it. There are now several more openings for more house centipedes and long-horned beetles to come in and crawl up my leg. Welcome, insect-overlords. We didn't actually get the thing installed until Sunday evening. Saturday was spent sitting on the couch, sweating, not touching, watching horrible movies on TV and eating fruit and hummus. Cold showers rule, however.

This weekend, or Thursday, actually, I'm hitting the road back up to the land where ten dollars at a bar can get you hammered. My sister's wedding is on Friday, I probably will refrain from stopping it from happening. My hope is for the temperature to be comfortable, considering the ceremony is outside. Hopefully several FFLs will be around for good times on Saturday, we shall see.

Touche

I guess soccer isn't too boring sometimes. Any sporting event I watch in the next couple months that doesn't involve a ridiculous headbutt is going to be yawn-city.

Today a bunch of people at work were organizing an "MLB Home Run Derby" office pool. It involved eight people picking a random name out of a hat (well, probably not a hat, literally). I did not partake. First off, doing something so random is just ridiculous. It would be like ten people each throwing in five bucks, assigning themselves numbers from one to ten, and then rolling a ten-sided die to determine the winner. Not that I have a ten-sided die, or even know what one is. Secondly, I stupidly did this last year, in an attempt to feel like one of the gang most likely, and I picked Pittsburgh Pirate Jason Bay, who hit the exact same number of home runs that I did in eighth-grade softball (zero).

EDIT: That Zidane link seems to only work sometimes. He is headbutting the Leaning Tower of Pisa back into upright position. It is awesome.

Word Jumble

There's a lot of disorganized things floating around, so I'm going to have to do this bullet point stizz.

- On the 4th I went to a cookout which seemed to be organized by the hostess for the sole purpose of acquiring beer. I was having a music-related conversation with someone. At one point, he said, and I'm paraphrasing here: "So pretty much all during the 1980s, with Reagan in the white house, all the music changed into being all happy and poppy all the time, because there were no problems for anyone to complain about." I wasn't exactly struck speechless. He's still alive by the way, though very badly burnt.

- Our Great National Nightmare is Over! FFL Nate is back from his long hiatus, and promises to update his blog 4 times a week, thanks to my brilliantly-conceived petition. By the way, if you don't know Nate, he is a fine gentleman who looks exactly like a young Donal Logue. It's uncanny.

- In the past week three of my favorite coworkers (and, therefore, three of my best friends in town) are officially on their way out the door. One voluntary, two involuntarily. Plus my 'assistant' is leaving as well, and apparently is not going to be replaced. Did I ever mention how much work sucks before? Well, now it's going to get worse. Are there any record stores in the city who offer 401(k)'s???

- Middle eastern food is great! Let's throw in food from Nepal and India as well. And yes, I know that is a pretty broad area of real estate, but it seems that food from any of these countries can all be combined and mixed up together on one plate, Thanksgiving style. I live within baseball throwing distance from Sultan's Market in the W.P., which is one of my new favorite places in the hood.

- Some people have little pics of albums on the sides of their blogs, or sometimes books or DVDs as well, saying basically 'this is what i'd listening to/reading/watching and you should to, if you fucking know what is good for you, and by the way, I'm so much more cool than you could ever be.' Well, I'm no longer smart enough to accomplish something like that, but I can tell you, olde-fashionede texte stylee:

Listening:
-Lots and lots of deerhoof, especially The Runners Four and Reveille. Even though the former came out last October, I may put it on my best of '06 CD. Yes, it feels wrong, but oh so right.
-The Pipettes. They can't sing and the album is poorly produced, but you can tell by listening that they look cute in polka-dot dresses.
-The new Sonic Youth, obvs. Also every other album of theirs (all 16(?) of them) that I have.
-The Boredoms. Yup, I'm just that hardcore.
-The Beta Band. High Fidelity (the movie) reference aside, The 3 EPs is fucking golden.
-Pavement, Wowee Zowee. Still only my 4th fav pave album, but double-disc reissue coming this year, getting excited. (and, wowee, it looks like amazon is having a cheap pavement sale). By the way, saying this is my 4th favorite pavement album is like saying someone is your 4th favorite child.
-Everything Sleater-Kinney, to mourn their passing.

Watching, via Netflix:
-Walk the Line. Kind of sucked, pretty much EXACTLY what you expect. I do plan on reading J. Cash's autobiography soon, however.
-Manhattan. Haven't seen in ages. Not Annie Hall, but pretty fucking classic.
-Seven Samurai. Best three and a half hour movie I've ever seen?
-Angel, Season One, Disc 1 and 2. Eh? Hopefully it gets better. Though episode 8 did make M cry.
-Hustle and Flow. Better than I expected. Avoided all stereotypes. Recommended.

Reading:
-White Noise, Don DeLillo. Small enough to carry on the train, big enough to blow your mind.
-Gravity's Rainbow, Thomas Pinchon. Haven't started yet, just bought this week at Quimby's.
-The Better of McSweeney's, Vol 1. Just picked this back up today. Very good.

Wow, that was self-indulgent, huh? Let's move on.

- More evidence that I am an alcoholic: I combined Scotch with Coke (I call it CocaMacCola) and it was mostly horrible. But a week later, I had it again. Bad times.

- Last weekend I bought an exercise bike. Assembling it was my exercise for the first week. Rode it today hardcore for the first time: I am incredibly out of shape, despite having to walk everywhere.

- Veronica Mars got robbed by the Emmy noms. But that's what awards do, right? Crush dreams.

- Uh, I don't really have much of a big-time closer. Make up something good in your head.

Look Ma, No Hands

I've watched more soccer during the nearly completed World Cup than my entire previous 27 years combined. That's still not very much, about the same total as any given Sunday during the upcoming futbol americano season (by the way, am I delusional by thinking that the Packers have a decent shot to win their division or what?). Some of this was helped by having several co-workers who were obsessed to the point of boring everyone at lunch for a good month before the thing started. I'm usually in the a) Make goals bigger OR b) Smaller goal, no goalkeeper camp, but that's mostly due to ignorance of the sport. Since I've been baptized in the unsanitary foreign waters of soccer this year, however, I feel qualified to give some more opinions.

Ways to improve World Cup Soccer:

1. No Flopping. For a sport whose most common criticism in this country is "It's too boring," the last thing we need is countless whistles for questionable fouls (we already have the NBA for that, cough, dallaswasrobbed, cough, cough). Red and Yellow cards are so subjective that every one of them can be argued. Only award them when a player kicks another in the groin (Red Card!) or in the face (Yellow!). Eliminate fouls by at least 70%, everything that looks like they're going for the ball should be fine. We've seen far too many Oscar-caliber performances where a dude who's been running around for two hours straight falls down, rolls over three times, then clutches at their chest where their heart should be, but alas, it has been stolen by the opposing player, Temple of Doom style, only with his feet. Then they jump off of the stretcher when they are halfway off the field. These people should be Red Carded, every time. Nothing hurts that much. They should also be kicked in the groin.

2. No Penalty kicks to decide a tie. This is just stupid. Considering that someone being good at shooting/defending penalty kicks is the EXACT same level of skill as someone being good at Rock, Paper, Scissors, this is no way to decide a match of such importance that the losers, if they happen to live in certain South American countries, will likely be murdered in a parking garage a month later. We can keep the 30 minutes of extra time, but after that it is sudden death until someone scores. They do this during the hockey playoffs. So come on soccer, are you really worse than hockey? That is like being worse than syphilis.

3. Improve TV coverage. Sure, I like the fact that unlike all American sports, there are zero commercials or timeouts, but I would appreciate at least some footage of the crowds during these things. You know there is constant fighting and near riots, plus a few shots of hot Brazilian women couldn't hurt. Have you ever seen a Cubs game on TV? It goes like this: a) shot of Cubs pitcher scowling b) Dusty Baker scowling c) fratty Cubs fan scowling d) Hot Girl e) Hot Girl f) Hot Girl g) the pitch f) Hot Girl scowling. I'd much rather look at a hot Swedish soccer fan than another girl who lives in Lincoln Park and drives an SUV.

4. No offsides penalties. This is just stupid on every level.

5a. Make the goals bigger
OR
5b. Smaller goal, no goalie.