A -----> Z

A is for Absent, which I have been for the past month. I apologize. No excuses (except my cat totally attacks the computer screen every time I sit down at my desk. She has recently noticed the mouse pointer.)

B is for Binge Drinking, which I haven't done since November 18. That day I met a friend 'for a few drinks' around 9 pm, and then, yadda yadda yadda, I was stumbling home at six in the morning. My hangover didn't hit until 7 pm at night the next day. I called in sick to work the day after that. Stomach pains subsided about four days later, just in time for Thanksgiving.

C is for Colbert, Stephen. Though I've long ago said 'Farewell!' to cable television, despite this show (and college basketball... I had to go to a sportsbar this afternoon to watch UW beat Marquette (and have to deal with M cheering against me)), I still watch some clips online, and try to stay on top of things in the Colbert-o-verse. His new feud with the Decemberists will prove to be very entertaining, I think.

D is for The Departed. I had secretly given up on Scorcese over the last few movies, and regarding any hype surrounding his movies (Gangs of New York, anyone?) as pure historical hyperbole. So I went to see this with very modest expectations, and was blown away. Only flaw was too much Jack Nicholson, which I'll concede is not a flaw for most movie-goers. It's as violent as you'd expect, I had the urge to get in a fight for about two hours afterwards.

E is for Electro-pop Music. Is it me, or is every other acclaimed record this year belonging to this genre? I don't despite drum machines, or bleeps and blips, but for some reason recently my patience has been wearing thin. I'm trying to compile my Best of 2006 CD, and if what I'm hearing isn't this type of music (a 'type' under which I'll include the Knife, Junior Boys, CSS) its instead hyperliterate NPR-rock or lush twee. Since my plan was to concentrate on noisy rock n' roll extensively, it is kind of frustrating sometimes.

F is for Fantasy Football, which sucks. I scored the second most points in my league but won't even make the playoffs due to bad luck and bad matchups. And I don't even have any fantasy studs (a phrase I may regret typing), it has been all skill to make vodka lemonade from lemons and potatoes.

G is for Gifts. I haven't started Xmas shopping yet, and don't even know what I'm getting anyone. Considering we are heading north around Dec. 21, this doesn't leave too much time at all. As you know I hate shopping, hopefully I can avoid stepping foot in a mall this year. We'll see.

H is for Heat, which is on in my apartment. We have radiators, all but two of which I can't control. Over the last two months the heat has been on, but at a reasonable level, I'm certainly a person who would rather have it cooler than hotter, and though it was sometimes too cold for just a t-shirt, it was great for sleeping. However, since last week, the heat was suddenly ratcheted up a notch, now going non-stop, and even heating the two radiators (bedroom and dining/music/dancing room) that I had turned off. It is crazy hot. I may have to open windows if this shit keeps up.

I is for Investigative Reporter Carl Monday. For anyone who reads the great Deadspin blog, this is old news, but if you don't, he's worth looking up. Anyone who rose to notoriaty busting library masturbators and was eventually immortalized by The Daily Show is alright in my book. And then there is this, which is both funny and horrifying on so many levels. Giggles!

J is for Juris Doctors being all shot up. Yesterday some crazy nut who invented a toilet to be used in trucks shot and killed three patent lawyers who apparently had wronged him before he was taken out, SWAT-style. This happened about a mile from where I work. I only know one patent lawyer, and I can rest easy knowing that if a crazy man carrying a gun, knife, and hammer tried to enact some form of perverted vengence upon him, he would likely hurl his blackberry-type communications device with such a velocity that the crazy inventor guy would have no chance. The assailant would also, most likely, be billed for the hour.

K is for Kim Gordon the Cat, who is less violent lately but still a pain in the ass. She now enjoys diving into the bathroom garbage can and taking out all the used Q-tips and chewing on them. WTF?









L is for Lexus commercials, which are now a holiday fixture. Am I the only one who gets extremely angry at these ads? Oh, gee, your husband is such a sweetheart, he bought you a fucking luxury car with a giant bow on it! Lucky you, trophy wife! Next year's Xmas gift: Botox Gift Certs! Also, that new Lincoln commercial where the dude goes "to work," drives his fucking Lincoln around the block, then goes back to his house where his wife is suddenly his secretary and his kid his junior partner, as he sits at his desk with the big hi-def TV in the background tuned to the business channel. What a fucking asshole. I'm positive whatever company this dude works for just laid off 12% their workforce, just in time for the holidays.

M is for Minneapolis, which is where I will be on New Year's Eve (despite the fact that it is M's birthday). I'm very excited for this. It's been 3 years since I was rocking out there on nye. The last two years have sucked so bad that I'm going to desperately have to make up for lost time.

N is for Noise, the genre of music that has both intrigued and frightened me over the last few months. When does music stop being music and turn into an art project? I've been listening to the Boredoms for awhile, who certainly have musical merit, but lately have been checking out Wolf Eyes and Merzbow and others, trying to wrap my head around the concept. I was planning to go to a Wolf Eyes show the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, but was still suffering from the binge drinking the Saturday before (see B), and wasn't feeling like a mile walk to the Empty Bottle. I kinda regret it, as I hear that live it is supposed to be some sort of amazing experience.

O is for Oranges. It's Clementine season, bitches, get on the train if you haven't already. So delicious, so juicy, so easy to peel! (this was actually the last letter I completed... which is why I'm writing about oranges, I can't think of anything else.)

P is for Potter, Harry, who was present at a certain Halloween party. See photo for the most sober version:














Q is for Q, the inventor dude from the James Bond movies. Q is not featured in the newest Bond movie, Casino Royale, along with many other campy features of the series, which is a welcome change in my opinion. We saw this last weekend, and I enjoyed it. I actually read the original Ian Fleming novel many years ago, but had forgotten most plot points. Recommended.

R is for Resident Holiday Party for U of C Pediatrics, which I attended for the third consecutive year last night. Without the ladies of Filterless, who may or may not excuse my absence from Fancington Hors d'Oeuvres the week before, it was sure to be a disappointment, and aside from the delightful potato-bacon roll things it mostly was. Several New Castles and a frightening amount of beard/wardrobe/dancing compliments made it manageable. Still unimpressed with M's drinking ability, or lack there-of.

S is for shaving, which I haven't done since Oct. 31 (see pic above). Beard will remain until at least January. I'm in a beard contest at work which rewards longevity, but unlike the only other remaining competitor, I've chosen to not try sculpting into some vaguely professional shape. Also haven't had a haircut since July, which is par for the course I guess. I enjoy going to work looking rather different than others.

T is for Television. I still have the 20" TV my parents bought my for high school graduation/18th birthday nine and half years ago. It sucks. I'm pricing more modern TVs, but not sure if it's worth it without cable, plus living room is currently pretty small. But still, this is crazy, people have bigger computer monitors these days.

U is for Unemployment, which for me is both a fear and a fantasy. Do most people feel the same way?

V is for Velvet Underground, whose rare early recording just sold for north of $150,000 on ebay. Jesus! I like this band as much as anyone, but this is kind of ridiculous. Buying this doesn't give anyone license to reproduce and sell it, plus I hear there is already a digital reproduction floating around. You can't actually play it on your turntable, because you'd be risking damaging it. So, um, what's the point? The thing is, if I was the person who found this for 75 cents, I'd probably play it at home a few times, admit that the real record was better, and leave it piled up next to my SLGTM and Johnny Cash records, which sometimes the cat walks across.

W is for Wii, the new video game system from Nintendo, which I have recently purchased. I've pretty much ignored the concept of video games in the last 4-5 years, but for some reason felt compelled to return to the medium. It is hella-fun so far, except for my case of Wii Tennis Elbow.

X is for Xenophobic (Slim Pickings with this letter, obvs). That new Duncan Donuts commercial is all like: "We're in America, lets order our coffee in fucking English." Sort of makes me feel slightly uncomfortable. Despite the positive results of the last election, most state referendums make me cringe. The whole "English is official language of Arizona" shit isn't too catastrophic, but still seems unnecessary.

Y is for Young@Heart, the elderly choir who sings modern music. This clip is the greatest thing I've seen all week.

Z is for Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...... it's Saturday night, no one wants to hang out, time to go to sleep (plus I couldn't think of anything else that started with 'Z' except for Zebra or Zima.)