Gillyweed may be innocuous, but boomslang skin? Lacewing flies? You and your little friends are brewing Polyjuice Potion!

Though Halloween has long been, with Thanksgiving, in my top two annual holidays (there is candy for the kids, booze and slutty nurses/policewomen/pumpkins/prostitutes for the grown-ups), I haven't had much chance to participate the last few years since I've moved to the city. This year, however, I'll be attending the annual medical resident Halloween party for the first time. Obviously there is nothing better than hanging out with hundreds of doctors whom I don't know (and I'm fearing my closest allies, the ladies of Filterless, won't be attending this year), but the free food and open bar should help. I'm guessing tomorrow's hangover is going to be frightful, as nothing causes me to drink faster than standing awkwardly in between stilted small-talk conversations with people whose names I don't know. Yay, parties!

Unfortunately, unlike every Halloween party ever since the beginning of time, this party has a mandatory costume theme of 'children's book characters,' which kind of takes the fun out of it, and also made it excruciating to get a costume together. Also, how many variations of 'Slutty Little Bo Peep' and 'Slutty Red Riding Hood' can there be? Not enough, my friends, not enough. As for your humble narrator, I will be donning round glasses, scarf, and wizards' robes (aka used graduation gown from thrift store) in a half-assed attempt to be harry potter. Pictures may be forthcoming, if they don't make me look weird.

If you are a gambler, the over/under on number of times I ask a woman if she wants to see my 'Magic Wand' is six and a half.