Abraham Lincoln Delivering a Pizza in a Hurricane

This week is MOVING WEEK, and today will be the first day going to the new place, with a carload of crap. M compares today with Christmas, but I instead compare it to the time when we rushed around and got unnecessarily stressed out and had a fistfight. We've packed a bunch of stuff, but there is a lot more to go, none of which is mine. But as long as there is no rain this Saturday, and our new place isn't covered with cockroaches, I'll be cool. I've been spending my time trying to find a place to watch sports in the new 'hood; it appears that all my searches combining 'sports bar' and 'wicker park' have returned no results. Most likely I'll be stuck somewhere staring at a totally retro 13 inch black and white screen while sipping a $12 apple-tini and listening to Japanese techno spun by someone whose DJ-moniker is a sex or violence inspired verb.

Cable will not be installed at the new place until (at least) football season, if at all. M is crushed, due to the 27 hours of Home and Garden TV she's been watching a week, especially since it's difficult to find copies of Househunters on YouTube. I, on the other hand, am excited about our return to the rabbit ears, I can imagine a summer filled with late-night walks and actual socializing, of reading a book a week and purifying my mind with actual knowledge. I may also get NetFlix or something.

Aside from baseball highlights (my first ever fantasy baseball team is off to a great start. Granted, it's in a public Yahoo league, but I've always been very self-conscious about my baseball know-how (I didn't know what WHIP meant until recently). But through some impatient competitors and some savvy waiver-wire pickups, my team is stacked with the likes of Berkman, Manny, Andruw Jones, Jason Bay, Giambi, Mauer, Schilling, R. Johnson, Ben Sheets, Chris Capuano, Tom Gordon, and Coco Crisp.) , there's only a few things I'm going to miss on cable before football season:

1. The Colbert Report - I gave mild props to this show awhile back, but lately it is can't-miss. I've even been skipping the Daily Show and not turning on the TV until 10:30 lately. He has worked the early kinks out of his character and the show's format, wielding his masterful use of irony like, uh, Chow Yun Fat in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon did with that weird green sword. Anyway, it's brutally funny, and the strange thing is that idiots seem to enjoy the program too, since they believe he's being sincere. So it's got something for everyone. Colbert actually was the keynote speaker at last weekend's White House Correspondent's Dinner, and said the following while sitting ten feet away from the President:

"I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world."

You can read the entire speech here. For an event which is traditionally filled with gentle Leno-esque lobs and chuckles, there was no punches pulled, and that took some huge balls.

2. Wonder Showzen - Though the new episodes aren't as great as the first season's, this show remains one of the most disturbing things on television. Picture Sesame Street, except with the puppets getting sex change operations and harassing homeless people on the street, plus small children reporters asking stockbrokers "When the revolution comes, where will you hide?" and other questions. M says the show gives her nightmares, it's just that good. Lots of clips on YouTube.

Uh, well, a list of two things isn't much of a list. Just missing the cut: Pardon the Interruption, South Park (non Oprah's talking vagina episodes only), and the Real World. I pray to God my TV reception is good enough to watch the season finale of Veronica Mars next week.

Last weekend I watched about 15 of the 17 televised hours of the NFL draft, something I haven't been able to do for a number of years. It was great, save for the ESPN personalities and their various quirks. I don't know if you are regulars on the great sports blog Deadspin.com, but you will never look at Chris Berman's face again the same way if you read this, and then this, this, this, and this. Disturbing, yes, but a great new catchphrase = priceless.

I got an email last Friday saying I've been awarded two tickets to the Friday May 12th taping of Late Night with Conan in Chicago. I'll be in New York, but if anyone wants to pretend to be me for a day (and fulfill your greatest fantasy) I'd be happy to give you the email. I'm not sure how they're going to be checking people, it sounds more like it's going to be first come/first served anyway.

I went to see the "Comedians of Comedy" tour last Friday, featuring the stand-up comedy of Patton Oswalt, Eugene Mirman, Brian Posehn, and Maria Bamford. It was great; I've never been to any sort of comedy show in which I've actually laughed before. And I laughed a lot. That is all.