Like depressing things? Read on, friends!

My first post in over two weeks. I disappear for a bit and the public goes berserk; I receive constant emails and phone calls, fruit baskets and gift certificates for Applebee's, offers of cash and valuable gems. Finally, I emerge from my silence and give the screaming masses what they want: a disarmingly personal insight into my life without any strings attached, to be read by friends, acquaintances, and people I've never met.

Most of my posts, and most bloggy-type post in general, always go like this: today i didn't do much exciting, work, chores, etc, blah blah blah for 400 words later. Well, i've got plenty of material from the past 17 days, but most of it is too depressing for me to go into, since this is surely being read primarily for comedic purposes. So instead of wasting the past couple weeks writing about daily tragedies, I will instead condense everything into one small grammatically-unsound paragraph of concentrated grief. Here goes:

...milwaukee hospital room crowded with me and the family, no other visitors, prognosis changes everyday -months-weeks-days and suddenly my girlfriend's mother, who she literally talks to everyday of her life, dies on sunday night, sept 26, I'm in the room the whole time while her family loses it and i'm not sure if i should stay or go, despite a quick coma the family talks to her constantly for the last day, monica's dad cries more in an hour than i've seen my dad cry in my entire life, I do house chores and yard work, miss work every day but tuesday the next week, my only suit (sportcoat actually) isn't very somber but i'm a pallbearer anyway on the day i was planning on proposing (but cant think about that, much too guilty), stay with the family an entire week, my girlfriend pushes me out of her bed whenever she hears footsteps. we run depressing errands during the day and do forced fun activities (museum, zoo, 3-D creature from the black lagoon at the theatre) at night/late afternoons. I go back to work the next week and have mountains of stuff to catch up on, I tell my boss my last day is oct. 22, i have occasional brief but devastating panic attacks caused by thinking about death, friday she visits and we have a bed picnic (wine, multiple cheeses, fruit and baked fish) and it is fantastic, saturday my left leg isn't able to straighten for whatever reason in the morning, I hobble around the farmer's market using one crutch, afternoon i feel better, visit a friend and then we go out to eat (applebees, using a 30 dollar gift card from some of MY coworkers (thanks a million, people i'll never see again after two weeks)), and then go to a corn maze outside of town, which is highly recommended. today we stayed in bed til noon, our one year anniversary, and she leaves, the ring still sits in my desk drawer and i don't think she's ready for it yet. The plastic shower head in my bathroom broke today, just snapped off, I told my constantly stoned roommate (who i hate hate hate so much) and he doesn't seem to care, i've got at least 13 showers left to take, maybe i can rig it for that long...

There's more to write and some will creep out in the next couple weeks, though i think i'm losing DSL for real on friday or so. Otherwise, thanks to those who did send me a note or message of concern, sorry i didn't reply, I just didn't really feel like getting into it again. I'm pretty much ok now, mostly just worried about M. Things being normal seem a long way off.