Take me away to Pina Colada-town

Sometime in mid to late October it was decided that I'd be going to Mexico in late January. Since then days lost nearly all meaning except in their proximity to the Jan 20th departure date. A bad day at work? That's okay, in 2 months and 12 days I'll be in Mexico. Another bad day at work? That's okay, only 2 months and 11 days til Mexico. Another bad day at work? That's okay, only 41 actual days of work until Mexico, et cetera ad nauseum. So now I'm back, a week of work post Mexico, nine days and six hours since the plane touched down. Needless to say this past week has provided a resurgence of my always ongoing existential crisis, the one that began a few years ago when I started having panic attacks brought on by thoughts of death without an afterlife, my conservative upbringing fully countered (if not beaten into submission) by my liberal education and/or rejecting of the 'ignorance is bliss' caveat. Anywho, one week down two thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine to go, ha ha ha ha.

Mexico ruled, I think my first three days there were the most peaceful I've had in succession in several years, if not ever. Lying on the beach with a steady rotation of drinks in my hand, eating way too much food of every possible ethnic variety whenever I felt like it, laughingly trying to utilize the fifty words I know in Spanish to the locals, the sun, the red-flagged waves that repeatedly swept out my legs like the Cobra Kai, and the white beach sand that was always cool on my feet despite the high temperature. The last few days were diminished (only slightly) by clouds, cooler temperatures, and the inevitable feeling that I couldn't stay forever, and would return to reality with only a t-shirt, cheap maracas, a surprisingly slight suntan, and two bottles of tequila as evidence of the experience. But the number one highlight probably occurred on the last full day we were there, swimming in a cenote (sinkhole) a few miles away from Chichen Itza, a hundred feet underground in water that was 150 feet deep, with roots and sun and small waterfalls spilling onto our heads, jumping timidly off small cliffs into the freshest water I've ever seen or tasted. There are 290 digital pictures and 75 on film, at least a couple will be posted when I get around to it.

So I've been back and have done nothing of note. Stayed home mostly, made a delicious 15-bean and ham soup, went out for middle eastern food once, tried to exercise but couldn't find my 'work-out shorts', today went to see 'The New World' and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Coming as soon as possible: 'A new edition of 'Props', a stat-heavy breakdown of my annual "best of 200-" albums as compared with the general critical consensus, something about NFL Football or college basketball, and funnier, better written posts with no mention whatsoever about how boring things are or of death.

Unnoticeabull

I haven't had a chance to watch SportsCenter or anything, but according to the InterWeb, the big story this morning is that Antonio Davis went into the stands at the Bulls/Knicks game last night when he thought his wife was being threatened. What is interesting is that if this is the biggest sports story of the year, which it obviously shouldn't be, then I, and the rest of section 314 at the United Center, somehow missed out on it completely.

I was at the game, and the incident apparently occurred with only a minute left in OT. A few minutes earlier, there was a bit of a fight and a double ejection, which everyone saw. The Davis incident didn't cause much more than a ripple in the opposing crowd, it was so low key that the crowd never had any chance to jeer or boo, and I didn't even hear the announcement that he was ejected. Perhaps all of this is due to the fact that I was approximately 4,348 feet away from the scene, and extremely lightheaded due to the high altitude. Also, since our seats were roughly in the corner of the court, and on the aisle, every time some idiot kid decided to walk down the stairs and help himself to eight dollar nachos my view was completely cut off. The experience was surreal in the sense that until the waning moments of the 4th quarter and OT, the crowd was virtually silent during gameplay, and only made noise during the between-period breaks and time-out filling moments such as the Duncan Donuts Race, the 'hilarious' antics of Benny the Bull, the dudes armed with T-shirt bazookas, and the delightfully whorish choreography of the 'Love-a-bulls' dancers. Since I generally hate even going to people's houses to watch games on TV because half the people there usually spend more time exchanging recipes for spinach dip than comparing assist to turnover ratio (or explaining why Peyton Manning sucks or whatever), the experience of sitting, trying to focus, with 20,000 distracted people was at times painful. Regardless, the game was sloppy but good, Ben Gordon (who's on my underachieving fantasy basketball team) scored 32 including the buzzer-beater to win it.

I'll be back in a week, amigos!

Gimme a Breaksville!

In four days I'm going to Mexico, to this place here. I've kept quiet about it to not upset the vengeful travel gods, who love nothing better than smiting overjoyed vacationers (see 2005, June). I'm also trying to downplay any excitement that would cause the rest of the week to be unbearable. I'm also, due to my cynical nature, trying to make a list of all the potential disasters that could occur while on the trip. The ten-day forecast is already showing an unseasonal week of rain. I'm remarkably cocky about my linguistic skillz, despite the fact that I dropped out of second-semester Spanish in college not once but twice. I can't imagine avoiding what will surely be a horrific sunburn. I may get bored of sitting by the beach all day. I mean, obviously it will be nicer weather than Chicago, and obvs it will be more enjoyable than working, but could all this vacation $ be better spent on a low-end plasma TV? I'm always big on experiences, but planning them ahead of time can be hit or miss. This concludes me complaining about going to Mexico for a week. I'm excited, don't get me wrong.

Here was my Saturday: Wake up when M gets home at 9, half-sleep another hour. Eat cereal and read for a bit. Move to the couch at 11 am. Watch Iowa-Penn St basketball game, watch Wisconsin-Northwestern basketball game, watch Wash-Seattle playoff game, watch NE-Den playoff game. I think I ate food and possibly showered sometime in there. I stayed on the couch for most of SNL too. But 11.5 straight hours of sports was quite nice. Sometime around hour 5 or 6 I had the idea that I'd take off of work the first Thursday and Friday of the NCAA basketball tournament. See, this is where a wide screen plasma high definition TV would come in handy. I have 20" of regular ol' basic TV, which was a high school graduation present. I'm an unintentional luddite.

Gambling tip #1: If you live in a city with a major sports team, you'll always be able to find some sucker who is willing to make a straight-up bet on them against substantial odds. Due to the Bears not making the Super Bowl, I win $20. Hooray!

Bought tickets to a co-headlining New Pornographers/Belle & Sebastian show in March, going to be awesome. Seeing Ted Leo the day before, too.

I've had an upset stomach since yesterday; most likely my trip is going to be ruined.

Happy Year of the Whisper Quiet Maytag Dishmaster!

It seems like i'm on a once every two week kick around here, something I'll try to remedy soon. I'll add it to the resolution list:
Eat Better/Exercise:New Year's Resolutions::RSTLN E:Wheel of Fortune Bonus Round. Also reading more things that aren't on a computer screen, unless I'm writing them. Also go out and drink more often but drink less quantities of alcohol overall. Get out of bed earlier, work harder. Get through at least one conversation with someone, anyone, but preferably with someone I don't know well, without fearing that they have quickly lost interest in whatever I'm saying and are only being polite before finding the chance to end said conversation (the only times in my approx. 26.6667 years that this has happened is when I'm the one being polite and looking for a way out (which represents a small percentage of overall conversations), so what I'm really saying is, I suppose, is have more conversations that are mutually appealing, without the urge to bang my head against a hard surface either after or during.) Also: cook interesting but practical meals.

Christmas was basically a long weekend with lots of gifts changing hands and driving. We got our load of things to try and cram into our apartment (which will be doable once we obtain and assemble our fifth bookshelf.) My personal highlight was absolutely destroying my family playing poker on Christmas Eve, despite the fact that I haven't played in nearly two years. But overall it was quick and also exhausting. The following 4-day workweek was among my worst work week's ever, and it seemed roughly twice as long. Thursday night I broke my routine to go out with coworkers for drinks. Several hours later the 'drinks' were the equivalent of roughly 13 beers, all consumed without any food since my two-sandwich lunch around noon. Needless to say, the fact that I was conscious enough to find my way 85 blocks home was remarkable in itself, with no permanent damage save for a nasty scratch on my new inessential cell phone from when I dropped it either before or after a failed attempt to call one of my coworkers and shout something loud into the phone. I made it to work around 10 the next morning, luckily it was a slow pre-holiday day. This episode was enough for me to avoid regretting not having fun, sexy plans for new year's eve, which I largely spent alone at home trying to fix my ipod. As midnight fireworks were heard emanating from downtown, I was on hour seven in the process and (obviously) too wired from sheer adrenaline to notice the passing of one calendar year closer to my (fiery?) (watery?) (sticky?) grave.

Later there was champagne and cake and a trip to a Nepalese (sp?) restaurant in the north suburbs and watching the excellent and highly recommended 'The Squid and the Whale' afterwards. (TSATW, along with 'Me and You and Everyone we Know' make up the entirety of my 'best of 2005' film list, fyi)

The Best of 2005 CD should be in several hands already, and others will have to wait until I get CD-packing envelopes and make a trip to the Post Office. Best Year Ever? You can be the judge.

and THAT's why you don't use a one-armed person to scare someone

N: Can I dropkick you?
M: No, you'll hurt yourself.
N: No, seriously. You can just stand, uh, over there (points to area near front door) and I'll come running around from the bathroom and then jump up and kick you with both feet at once. It'll be awesome.
M: No.
N: C'mon! It'll take like three seconds. It's only fair, I went to see the Nutcracker ballet with you yesterday, and that was like an hour and a half. All I'm asking for is three seconds.
M: No.
N: You are so selfish. This is why we will never get married. Because you won't let me dropkick you.

the Xmas holiday means a three-day weekend, so I'll be in the town of my birth from about noon on Saturday until 2 pm on Monday or so. Anyone who wants to ditch their family can let me know.

Oh, that reminds me, I now have a cellular telephone. I'm not sure how I feel about it. My newly purchased ringtone is 'the final countdown' by europe. Luckily no one calls me, because no one knows the number. Plus, you know, I have a phone at home and work already.

Xmas shopping is done, we had our office xmas party last week, it was eight beers of a good time.

Best of 2005 should be finished up in the next couple days, I'm pretty sure 'trapped in a closet' is NOT going to make the cut. I'll be bringing a few copies home for the weekend, the others will be mailed out next week after the assembly line churns them out and I buy enough envelopes. I lost everyone's addresses who got one last year, so everyone should send me an email to remind me (scentralrain@yahoo.com).

Like a Kitten in a Blender

The Charlie Brown Christmas special is way overrated. The beginning is okay, sets the premise nicely, C.B. is depressed about Christmas. Okay, awesome. Then we have roughly 18 minutes of filler, as the kids dance around to the Vince Guaraldi soundtrack and bitch at CB for awhile. Bore City. Then we have Linus (who, I've never realized, is kind of a douche) speech about the baby Jesus and whatnot, which causes my very liberal (and possibly atheistic) mind to cringe violently. CB runs off to kill himself or something, and the rest of the asshole kids turn his tree with four pine needles into a perfect triangular Xmas tree masterpiece, following by the humming then singing of hymns, and the end credits. Bullshit. Two yawns up.

Speaking of the upcoming holiday, I've yet to do any sort of shopping. I have a few ideas. For instance, the Lagattas are getting the basketball that was supposed to be part of their wedding gift but which stupid Sears decided to vaporize. M will get a pair of diamond earrings (well, she wants one diamond, so how much better will two be?). My parents will get the same cheap crappy things they ask for every year, unless I can think of anything better. Hopefully I'll be inspired to shop soon, next year I'll do everything on some boring October day. I hate the crowds. And I've been too busy at work to shop online.

Last weekend was the semi-annual weekend of excitement and fun. And getting lost on the north side. Friday I went to see the Black Keys, alone since my coworker backed out. It was a good show, and I sold my extra ticket without a loss. Only problem was that I left my house at 8 pm, got home about 1 am, and the show lasted only an hour. I tried taking the bus to the el, but that took forever, then when i got off the train I went the wrong way, so then I finally found the place and found the person who said she was going to buy my ticket, and then some sort of chaos happened. I'm too confused to tell the story, but it ended up taking me another 15 minutes to get rid of my ticket. I got inside for the opening act's last song. the opening act was this 60ish dude who put a soul record out in the sixties, then retired until now. The song he played was his big hit, called 'Love and Affection in the House of Correction', which, now that I think about it, could be the most disturbing song title in the history of modern music. The song also repeatedly contained the phrase 'shake what your momma gave ya,' and I'm not sure if he, Nathaniel Mayer, coined it himself or if it existed prior, or if he just added it to the 05 version of the song. The dude's voice, unfortunately, due to far too many years of hard living, was barely one step about the people who have to hold an electronic voicebox to their throats to speak. Then I waited around for about a half hour, then TBKs came on and rocked out, but didn't do anything different than when I saw them at Lolla this summer. I left and took el plus bus home, took forever, and by then my quickly induced buzz from five hours earlier had worn off.

The next day I got up and went back up north, this time to meet some coworkers at a bar at 1130 am. I didn't leave the bar til 330, and when I did it was to go to someone's apartment and drink more. I also had my first cigarette and first hit of pot since 2003, both of which were ultrafantastique. I didn't head back home until 930, and of course I got lost and it took me nearly an hour and a half. Best day ever? Best in a couple months, anyway.

I've decided that the Daily Show is only good during the election season. I mean, it's funny and everything, but mostly all that happens is they show a clip of W making as ass of himself, and then J. Stewart looks at the camera. Which is funny, don't get me wrong, but why do we need the middleman? We could just gather around some pals and pop in a tape of GW, hilarity ensues. Well, kudos to the Daily Show's editors at least. But I've actually been enjoying the Colbert Report more, since it's actual satire.

Funny in my last post: I criticized Wake Forest's free throw shooting skillz, and they end up hitting 26 for 29 in beating the badgers by 3.

I still keep hearing a rumor that I'm getting a cellphone. Maybe this week, even.

Upcoming events: Friday is our office holiday potluck. Most people are boycotting due to the recent firings. M said she'd make some brownies for me. Out of a box. Sweetness. Friday night is M's holiday party, which means free drinks for me. Check the 12/04 archives for a recap of last years exciting event.

Til I Get My Way

Tonight I get the rare opportunity to watch the UW basketball Badgers play on TV, thanks to newfound cable and the big ten/acc challenge. "We've" already struggled with Eastern Kentucky and Old Dominion this year, the former being a come from behind double OT thrilla, and are on the road at Wake Forest, but I think we have a shot, Wake commits too many turnovers and can't shoot free throws.

Thanksgiving weekend was spent in the confines of my apartment, save for a brief foray downtown on saturday night. M's family arrived to provide the kind of shocking drama you only usually see in movies or on TV. No details here, sorry. Otherwise I picked up a whopping 5 games on my dad in our family football pick em pool, going from being down 2 to up 3, giving myself a realistic chance to have the best pigskin prognosticating record in my immediate family for the first time since 1992. But seriously, who would pick Detroit, even on Thanksgiving? I fear for his mental health.

Only four thousand words to go before I give up non-bloggy writing forever. December is National Start Exercising and Lose at Least Five Pounds and Stop Feeling Sluggish All The Time and Maybe The Approximately Three Liters of Scotch I've Drank While Writing Has Something To Do With It Month. Ab-roller, it's been far too long. What, I have a free exercise room in my building? Who knew?

I'm crazy exited about this. Best of 2006 for sures! Speaking of, if anyone wants a best of 2005 CD who didn't get one last year, let me know by the middle of December. I begin working my mix-tape magic next week!

Music: I'm seeing The Black Keys on Friday at the Metro, I'm super excited. Haven't been to a show in so long, and these guys are grrreat. Problem is the coworker I am supposed to go with is suddenly trying to flake out on me.

How long are Thanksgiving leftovers good for? We've inherited enough food to feed a small elite ninja squad for a week, but I've barely made a dent in it. That said, dinner tonite: Thanksgiving leftovers.

A couple months ago I got a mailing with an offer for a discounted subscription to MAXIM magazine. Usually, I just throw these in the trash absentmindedly, but this one I didn't throw away immediately, mostly because I was lazy. M says "Are you going to get MAXIM?" I said "eh?" She says, "i don't care, you can get it if you want" and I say "Fine, I'll get it!" and sent back the subscription card. Now I have an eighteen-month subscription to fucking MAXIM. I've already received two issues. Pictures of breasts? Check. Sarcastic captions in small-print? Check. Content that reads like it's trying to target a man so one-dimensional that he would be more realistic and multi-faceted if his sole characteristics and personality were derived from a 1987 Elaine Boosler stand-up comedy special? Ch-ch-check. I can barely page through a whole issue without getting a headache, and the pictures aren't even that great. I have a theory that the magazine is actually written and edited by a bunch of smart guys who read Harper's on the subway ride home from work. Then they go to work the next day, and say, "Okay, let's make our magazine for guys who are too stupid to get through the articles in Esquire or GQ and live in their stepmom's basement." I have made many mistakes in my life, and this ranks in the top 1000.

The engine of the corporate machine is greased with the blood of the working man, Or, Rise Up, Comrades!

The corporate world sucks. Yesterday eight of my coworkers were 'let go.' It's a pretty big chunk, considering our company has only maybe 60 people or thereabouts. A couple of the people who were fired weren't very good employees, and I would've fired them a long time ago if I had the power. But some were, and one had been here 27 years.

I dodged the bullet since either:
A) My wide range of knowledge is too valuable to risk losing
B) I get paid less than everyone else who works here, by far.

I'm not sure if this is really a corporate thing, either. Are there any jobs that don't work like this? Doctors don't get downsized, do they? Lawyers? The big problem is that people get rich by finding the least amount of people to work for the least amount of money. My dad lost his job, along with everyone else is his factory, a few years ago because of this. I figure I am safe for now, since my (alleged) future potential and low wages deem me worth keeping, despite my relatively low production. But at what point does the balance shift? In five years? Ten? I don't know, but something tells me I won't be sticking around to find out. Of the eight who were fired, I don't think any were younger than 40. Maybe one in their late 30s or so. If I was to get fired once in my life, I'd want it to be when I was 26 instead of when I'm 46 with six kids and a house.

This weekend will be spent doing laundry and writing. One of the guys who got fired is my opponent in this week's Fantasy Football game, so I'll feel guilty if I win. Though both of us should be in the playoffs either way.

Taste the Happy!

You are all probably a lost cause by now, but you can buy the Season 1 and Season 2 DVDs of Arrested Development from amazon for only $31.94 (scroll down to Best Value)

I've gots blistahs on me fingahs!

Note to any aspiring writers out there: If you are attempting to write a novel in a month, or in any length of time for that matter, it would be a good idea if you had some idea of a plot when you were nearly half done. At the very least, at least have one very defined and interesting character, someone who could carry the reader even if there wasn't much of a plot. Coincidentally, I have neither of these in any of my 18797 words or 55 pages so far. I write bad sentences, but can't delete them, wary of the hit my word county would take. So, it's all crap. This weekend i wrote zero words on friday, over 3000 on saturday (mostly all after 10 pm) and another couple thousand yesterday. I'm still 3K behind where I should be, and am thinking about staying in my apartment alone over thanksgiving weekend in order to make finishing possible. Since my only other option is traveling to Iowa, it's quite possible.

Spending 60 hours a week at a computer limits the number of humorous anecdotes I may have, unless you count scoring an all-time high with my Samkon Gado-led fantasy football team and still getting beat. (the WSs are now in a third place tie with a 6-4 record, for shame!)

I was just thinking it would be awesome if sometime next spring I came upon a large sum of money. I want to travel again, 2k3-style. With my current job I've already broken the record of most consecutive months in full-time employment by the same company, without getting a five month break in the middle to drink a lot and feel depressed. I have business cards now. I actually met with a financial advisor last week, and he tried to make me discuss some vague plans for retirement. RETIREMENT! Are you kidding me? I hemmed and hawed for a bit, then threw down a smoke bomb and escaped to go home and play Nintendo and eat Nachos.

Two sips from the cup of human kindness and I'm shit-faced

It's Friday afternoon, I'm just getting over a little 'our company is doing so poorly and I'm the person with the least experience so maybe I'll get downsized today' ride to work this morning. I planned on telling everyone off and spending the rest of the weekend drunk. Oh well, one out of two ain't bad. HA!

Real weekend plans include:
tonight: ?
tomorrow: try to catch up on NaNoWriMo. I've got 13,290 words so far (officially the longest piece of writing by me, evah), two pages of which are actually semi-decent, by my low standards. The other 40 are shit. Seriously. Garbage. My plan is to try and write 1800 tonight after M goes to sleep and write 5000 tomorrow in three shifts, which will catch me up to where I should be. Should be manageable, aside from the UW/Iowa game I've got nothing to do. If you are interested, you can see my progress here. Remember, it's all about quantity, not quality.

Last weekend my parents came, and it was OK. We stayed in the neighborhood the whole time they were here, went out to eat a couple times, went to the MoS&I, and played 'Cranium,' which seemed to make my dad sick with embarrassment. It was a little weird.

Found out today the Arrested Development has been cut from 22 to 13 episodes this season, and will inevitably be cancelled for real this year. I'm not surprised, but obviously it sucks. Last monday featured the two best eps of the season. 'The jury is still out on science.' ha, ha, cry.

I remember when I was a little kid, and my dad watched the Packer game every Sunday, even though the team would always be 4-12 or 6-10 for the season. I really didn't get into football until I was 12 or 13, which was when the packers started winning. Now, as my team sits at 1-7 for the year, it just seems surreal. I mean, they really don't seem THAT bad, just a few plays away from having a 4-4 record. Is this just denial on my part? Maybe. At least we'll do better next year when we have a cake schedule.

I'm the worst blogger evah lately, but better than most of my readers, at least. Honestly you guys.

Last night I convinced M to leave the apartment on a school night and go see 'Pickpocket' at the Music Box Theater. I call it one of my fave movies ever, but I had only seen it once before, while in school. Criterion collection DVD comes out this month, ch-ch-check it out. Worth it for the train (& train station) scene alone.

Just this minute I saw a piece of paper underneath my monitor stand that was from the person who lived in my cube before me. For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to pull it out. Now my black pants are covered in dust. Rad.

I'm trying to read a borrowed copy of David Foster Wallace's 'Infinite Jest' this month. It's so good, but going to take me awhile. Also, due to its influence, I've started using footnotes in my 'novel.' (IJ actually uses endnotes) Also bought 'The Better of McSweeneys' online for only $13. Looks great, but it'll have to wait for a bit.

One day after I signed an online petition to not allow drilling in the ANWR, the provision was taken out of the house bill. Coincidence? Maybe, but that reminds me I should sign the annual 'Save Arrested Development' petition right now.

Post of substance will return someday.

Trapped in the closet, chapters 6-8

Tonight my parents are visiting. I need to clean the bathroom and make the bed. They are staying in the 'hospitality suite' in my building, and leaving sunday early enough to make it home before the 3:15 packer game. They'll probably arrive too late tonight to do much, but I hear that tomorrow we'll go to the Museum of Science and Industry. Should be good times, haven't seen them for four months, and the time apart always makes our meetings more pleasant. That, and the fact that usually we end up all drinking together as well.

My novel has 5440 words to date, only 44,560 to go. I'll probably fall behind this weekend. So far it is the worst thing ever. Stay tuned.

I will no longer do the Devil's Dishes

Today at work, while sending off a last minute super urgent need this yesterday document to a client, I marveled at my impressive work ethic. You see, it was quite late, and, though tempted by the chance to go home, I stuck it out and made some magic happen. (this was after I found out I lost both of the two biggest accounts I've seen since August). The brief moment spent 'in the zone' made up for the late hours.

Until I realized that it was only 15 minutes later than I usual stay. Since it was dark by 4:15 I lost track of things. I wonder if I should go into work earlier during the winter? It's weird, now I've been getting up around 7:45 and getting to the office at 8:50; at my previous job I got up at 6:30 and to work by 8 on the dot. I rarely stay up past 11, so that means way too much sleep. Granted, some of that sleep is spent hitting the snooze bar 8 times before M finally leaves, I'm not sure how much of that counts.

Last weekend sucked. I should have been getting tear-gassed on State St, instead I ended up staying home and did nothing. I had a party invite, but it was on the north side and I didn't have a clear transportation plan for the way home. As promised, Saturday morning I did shave my 40 day beard into the most hideous moustache ever. M came home around 5 pm. I think if she would have found me in bed with 2 girls and a guy she would have been less pissed off. Despite protest, it stayed attached until the next day, and was showed off for all the neighborhood to see. Now I look 8 years younger and have a spring in my step.

I just finished the "Veronica Mars" season 1 dvd. Highly recommended. Once I catch up on the new episodes I've taped it will join AD as the only shows worth watching. But I doubt it will ever live up to the first season.

The novel writing starts tomorrow, and as of now I am serious about it. I just looked at something I wrote in a week a few years ago (while unemployed, granted) and it was 12,000 words. So I had the pace right, at least. Please leave any random elements or characters you'd like featured in my first novel in the comments section. I will include them in my story, and email you the section in which it occurs. If it turns out semi-non-horrible, I may find a way to post the whole thing. We'll see what happens. I figure once my November is over, I'll be able to devote December to the best of 2k5. Lots of tough choices to make already.

Believing is Art

The recent 'SWOMF' had its moments, and seemed to be sufficiently magical enough. I did get to watch both of the baseball games, plus go to the Art Institute, but also had to endure migraine-inducing shopping and foot the dinner bill. I am semi-shocked to say that M and I have vaguely similar tastes in art (nothing made before 1900, as a rule). We seemed to spend the most time in the 'contemporary' section. One exhibit was simply a large rectangle filled with brightly wrapped candies. The small card, hidden out of most views, said we were free to take pieces of candy and eat them. So, naturally, I'd repeatedly wait until the room was full of people, then loudly walk over and take a piece of candy, while everyone else waited in horror for security to come and drag me away.

Bonus: The candy was delicious, I had both orange and grape.

Last night: "I'll be to bed soon, the game is in the bottom of the eighth inning..." yawn...

So now that M is finally working harder and longer hours again, I'm going to have a lot more free time on my hands. It just so happens that November is National Novel Writing Month. I've signed up on the website, the deal is you have to write 50,000 words in 30 days. 1,667 words per day. That really didn't sound too tough, except it seems that this blog has only been 18,000 words in the last 8 months. Plus, I haven't written a word of fiction in a million years. But, I signed up, and with you as my witness, will attempt to succeed while documenting my progress here. Just think, someday soon you get to read about my writing something else that will inevitably be too horrible for you to ever read. It's blogger sweeps month!

For some reason I'm having an itch to go bowling. No idea.

I may shave my beard into a mustache just for the weekend. I need to get rid of it so I can get passport photos taken next week. Are there any halloween costumes that involve 5-week mustaches?

A Punch in the Swomf

Because this is M's last completely free weekend until sometime in January, I have dubbed this weekend as her Swomf. That stands for Special Weekend Of Magical Fun. Believe it or not, I thought of that off the top of my head! (ok, just kidding, it took a 75 minute brainstorming session and an impromptu focus group.)

Here is what the Swomf entails: M gets to decide what we'll do the entire weekend, and I will pretend to like it. She wants to go see a cheap musical? OK, I'm down with that. She wants to go shopping? Um, sure, we just went last week, but OK. She wants to cuddle and talk about marriage? Awesome, I'd much rather do that than watch the White Sox game and drink a dozen beers. If I make it through this alive I'm officially retiring with my 'Best Boyfriend Ever' title intact. Next weekend: Lots of booze and whores. No, scratch that. Every weekend for the rest of the year: lots of booze and whores.

Last weekend was great, save for the four hour block of shopping in the middle. Otherwise, free hotel meant fancy expensive dinners two nights in a row. Plus, the hotel even had a basketball hoop. I won a 45 minute game of horse (barely).

In 27 years, I've drank 50,000 beers

So the big top 100 list wasn't quite the big hit I envisioned. A modest success, maybe, but no 'punch in the face game' for sure. Oh well.

A couple weeks ago I saw SLGTM play at an ultra-hip bar. We went with a coworker of mine and his girlfriend. It was a solid show as always, sax player was replaced by second guitarist, heard some new songs plus a encore cover of 'Purple Rain' that was surprisingly good for being improvised.

Last week we saw Mates of State, time number 9 for me. Another good show and more new songs. Only problem was, and I feel incredibly old for complaining, that there were a few girls, I'm not sure how old (it was 18+, but I think they had drinks) who were next to us that were dancing with each other so excitedly that I would get bumped by someone's ass at least 90 times per song. Now, I'm not one to discourage ass-bumping, but there is a time and place for it. We weren't even up near the front of the room, more like the middle, and everyone around us was relatively sedate. At first I was glad that they were so excited, they obviously knew all the songs and were having the time of their lives. But then they bumped M. a few times, which instantly made her so angry that I thought I was going to be forced to break up a FITE! We changed positions a little, and I withstood most of their abuse with M stood with her sharp elbow pointed towards them. After a while I said something to one of them, but that didn't help at all. In fact, I may have been elbowed intentionally and hit with a purse. After the next song they calmed down, but they had done their damage. Thanks a lot, bitches!

I officially have cable. As of yesterday afternoon. Cable people visit #4 finally paid off. After two and a half weeks and about 800 calls to the cable company. Good news: they are waiving the installation charge. Isn't that nice? However, I can see this causing some domestic problems down the road with only one TV. My goal is to avoid watching TLC and the food network as much as possible, while getting M. to appreciate South Park. Pretty underwhelming stuff so far.

I last shaved 21 days ago. I woke up and thought, eh, so tired, for about three days in a row, and then it was on. Now some of my coworkers are starting a 'beard contest'. This is fine with me, except the contest is based on length of time not shaving, not quality of beard. Plus it just started yesterday, so my 'head-start' is worthless. I'm also worried by the fact that when three people (out of six) are left with beards, this turns into a moustache contest. That is going to be horrifying.

Hey, Arrested Development Season 2 is out on DVD! I hear it's a pretty decent show.

This weekend we're going to some hotel in the suburbs. The room is free, and fancy-nice, but the weekend might involve outlet malls. I am cautious.

Additions to iPod in last two days:

The Flaming Lips - 'Zaireeka' mixed down to single tracks; Clouds taste metallic; priest driven ambulance
V.A. - Growin' up too fast: the Girl-Group anthology
Common - 'Be'
Smoosh - 'She Like Electric'
The Ronettes - best of
De La Soul - '3 ft high and rising'
Big Star - 'Third/Sister Lovers'
Blackalicious - 'The Craft'
Handsome Boy Modeling School - 'White People'
The Kinks - various singles

The Top 100 Albums of All Time

Rules: Only one album per artist, which makes things a lot harder than it looks. No compilations or 'best ofs', which ruled out a lot of old blues/country/R&B artists. I own all of these, so if there are glaring omissions, perhaps you can hook me up. This was composed in under 45 minutes in dim lighting. About a third of these were released this decade, which means it's a great time to be alive I guess. The order can be argued on a couple of these, especially near the end (I spent most of my time on #90-100)... but for the most part I think I got everything that belongs. Feedback is encouraged.

1. The Beatles - Revolver
2. Pavement - Slanted and Enchanted
3. R.E.M. - Murmur
4. Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea
5. David Bowie - The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars
6. Radiohead - Kid A
7. The Velvet Underground - The Velvet Underground & Nico
8. Elvis Costello - This Years Model
9. Silver Jews - American Water
10. DJ Shadow - Endtroducing...
11. Beach Boys - Pet Sounds
12. The White Stripes - White Blood Cells
13. Olivia Tremor Control - Black Foliage
14. Outkast - Stankonia
15. Sonic Youth - Daydream Nation
16. Guided by Voices - Bee Thousand
17. The Flaming Lips - The Soft Bulletin
18. The Zombies - Odessey and Oracle
19. Spoon - Kill the Moonlight
20. Weezer - Weezer (the blue album)
21. The Rolling Stones - Let it Bleed
22. Belle and Sebastian - If You're Feeling Sinister
23. The Pixies - Doolittle
24. My Bloody Valentine - Loveless
25. Beck - Odelay
26. Mates of State - Team Boo
27. Grandaddy - The Sophtware Slump
28. Stereolab - Dots and Loops
29. The New Pornographers - Electric Version
30. Pink Floyd - Piper at the Gates of Dawn
31. Michael Jackson - Thriller
32. Wu Tang Clan - Enter the Wu Tang: 36 Chambers
33. Television - Marquee Moon
34. Teenage Fanclub - Bandwagonesque
35. The Strokes - Is This It (UK version)
36. Elliot Smith - either/or
37. U2 - The Joshua Tree
38. Built to Spill - There's Nothing Wrong With Love
39. Public Enemy - It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back
40. Sleater-Kinney - One Beat
41. Marvin Gaye - What's Going On
42. The Clash - London Calling
43. The Gossip - That's Not What I Heard
44. Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - Tyranny of Distance
45. Mirah - Advisory Committee
46. Hot Hot Heat - Make Up the Breakdown
47. Led Zeppelin - IV
48. Bob Dylan - Blonde on Blonde
49. Super Furry Animals - Guerilla
50. Wilco - Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
51. Massive Attack - Mezzanine
52. Cat Power - You Are Free
53. Yo La Tengo - I Can Hear the Heart Beating as One
54. Bjork - Homogenic
55. Apples in Stereo - Fun Trick Noisemaker
56. Modest Mouse - The Lonesome Crowded West
57. Dismemberment Plan - Emergency & I
58. Beulah - When Your Heartstrings Break
59. The Stooges - Raw Power
60. Madvillain - Madvillainy
61. Le Tigre - Le Tigre
62. Saturday Looks Good to Me - Every Night
63. Handsome Boy Modeling School - So... How's Your Girl?
64. Death Cab for Cutie - We Have the Facts and We're Voting Yes
65. Beat Happening - Jamboree
66. Big Star - #1 Record
67. The Shins - Oh, Inverted World
68. Minutemen - Double Nickels on the Dime
69. Kanye West - The College Dropout
70. The Streets - Original Pirate Material
71. The Fiery Furnaces - Gallowsbird's Bark
72. Galaxie 500 - On Fire
73. All Girl Summer Fun Band - 2
74. Mercury Rev - Deserter's Songs
75. Wire - Pink Flag
76. Badly Drawn Boy - The Hour of Bewilderbeast
77. Flying Burrito Brothers - Guilded Palace of Sin
78. The Arcade Fire - Funeral
79. The Magnetic Fields - 69 Love Songs
80. Blur - Parklife
81. Jay-Z - The Blueprint
82. Dirtbombs - Ultraglide in Black
83. Slint - Spiderland
84. The Beta Band - 3 EPs
85. Modern Lovers - Modern Lovers
86. Eminem - The Marshall Mathers LP
87. Johnny Cash - At Folsom Prison
88. The Black Keys - Thickfreakness
89. Nirvana - Nevermind
90. The Fall - This Nation's Saving Grace
91. Blackalicious - Blazing Arrow
92. Nick Drake - Pink Moon
93. Minor Threat - Complete Discography
94. Von Bondies - Lack of Communication
95. The Microphones - The Glow Pt. 2
96. Gang of Four - Entertainment!
97. Greenhornes - Dual Mono
98. The Decemberists - Castaways and Cutouts
99. Brendan Benson - Lapalco
100. Beastie Boys - Paul's Boutique

Caayble Guy!

I'm so pissed right now. Don't fuck with me, I will fucking kill you. I'm scowling so much that my forehead has disappeared. Since I started writing this sentence i'm on my third keyboard, the other two i've crushed to dust with my hands. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

This morning, saturday morning, I set the alarm. I set it for 7:55 am. The reason I did this is because today is cable day. Cable people from the cable company would be coming between the hours of 8 and 10 am and giving me espn. Sweet cable, I haven't had you for years. I don't need you, I can live without you, but i'd be nice to see you again, maybe catch a bite to eat, catch up on lost time and relive old memories, the good times....

The cable guys (2) came at 8:45. They went to the top floor to flip the magic switch that would give me cable. I set up the TV, licked my lips, and stared at it, waiting for it to go from stupid CBS to the TV guide channel or some shit. 15 minutes later one dude came down. His job was say "no sir" into his walkie talkie when the other dude asked "how bout now" every 10 seconds. the other dude came back down and told him to get something from the truck. the other dude pulling wires out of the wall, and asked if i had any other cable jack. I showed him to the bedroom, where he began pulling wires out of that wall. The one dude came back and came into my bedroom. He asked 'is that your guitar?' I said yes. He asked 'do you mind?' I said 'uh' and he picked it up and started playing something that a) sounded like crap and B) was too complicated for me to play. Then he asked 'do you have a pick?' and the other dude said 'here's one' as he looked on my floor. I should have said 'if you get the cable to work I will let you plug in', but I was getting annoyed.

An hour later they left. I didn't have cable, but they gave it to everyone on the floor for free.

So, no watching the badgers beat michigan today. Oh well, i'm sure it wasn't that thrilling, i've seen the badgers beat michigan hundreds of times.

There are other events of today, particularly of this evening, which have made my mood sink even further. I'm too pissed to get into it today, but it involves: my favorite cousin who i haven't seen in 15 months, a ramada inn in burr ridge, IL, a ten year high school reunion of a complete stranger, a restaurant called 'max and erna's', the silent treatment, and the rest of that bottle of jack daniels.

Tonite, on a very special 'Props'

Let's imagine you are a young, single male. Average looking, and of average intelligence. Perhaps even below average. Now imagine that the hottest, most perfect woman in all the land suddenly takes a liking to you. You begin dating and eventually become a couple. She seems to genuinely enjoy being in your company, and you simply can't get enough of her. You should be the happiest you've ever been. But... you just have this nagging feeling in the back of your mind, this tiny thought that makes your stomach crawl, that you don't deserve her, and at any moment she will come to her senses and walk out the door and you'll never see her again.

That is how I feel about the show Arrested Development. It is everything I ever dreamed of and more. Each episode contains oh-so-many laughs, and more quick references than an episode of Family Guy written by Vladimir Nabokov. Nothing is dumbed down. Season one has been on DVD for awhile, that's how I got into it, and Season two comes out in a couple weeks. Season three began on Monday, but only 4 million people watched, and the annual cancellation rumors have already begun. I don't want the show to be on for 16 decreasing in quality seasons, and already we're on the verge of passing another of my all-time favs, SportsNight, in number of episodes. But I'm not ready for the ride to end. Give me six or seven solid seasons. Seinfeld started slow at first too, you know. Maybe people will come around. Maybe the DVD sales will be enough to keep it on a few more years. But, maybe, maybe even soon, she'll walk out the door tomorrow, and you'll never see her again. I don’t see you crying, robot. You taste these tears. dot com

Republicans review Kanye West's new album, Late Registration, on amazon.com

Kanye's new album is pretty decent, not as good as the first, but certainly worth a listen. These are actual comments found on amazon.com.

One star - by Misterjaw "The meanest shark in the Pacific, EGOTCHA!"
I am sick of these praises for this knuckleheaded dumbcuff rapper Kanye West whom is a Puff Daddy or Huff Mama facsimimile. However, this dumbo is a racist! He degraded white people left and right since last year. First off, he made fun of Gretchen Wilson for winning Best New Artist. She had a hard upbringing and vilst I don't like her music, at least she can sing and such. This fool on the other hand was raised in a middle class family and uses a gangsta look to make himself look good when it makes him look silly dilly! Then he bashed Dick Clark after his defeat and threatened to boycott all award shows! Then he cried race card when Maroon 5 won a Best New Artist Grammy. Not only that but this yo-yo took his opportunity on the Hurricane relief telethon to put down the media for depicting black as evil when in fact the ones on TV were a few bad apples. Then he claimed0 President Bush was a racist instead of using his brief media time to build up the hope and happiness of the victims in the Gulf region. That shows you dumbcuff Kanye has an agenda. That agenda is: Do what is best for Kanye and make lousy albums that don't make me work hard and have dumbcuff friends like Jay-Z and such band together to cry America is racist which is hogwash. DON'T BUY THIS ALBUM or I'll yell EEGOTCHA!!

One star - Loch Ness Monster (Cedar City, Utah)
Question of the year: Do people buy this because they like the so called "Music" or because they want to be popular? I tell you what, it's the latter of the two. This album has absolutely not musical inventiveness and is so boring to listen to. After listening to one song on this album, I just said "forget it." It's basically just Kanye talking with a bunch of drums beating in the back. WOW! What talent that must take. You know I can talk when I have my car radio on too but I'm not going to go out an make an album because I have that talent. Seriously people, you don't need to buy this to be cool. It's more cool to be original and have your own taste in music. If you happen to like something someone else likes then great, but you don't need to like something just because everyone else has it. Not only that but Kanye West took his opportunity on that hurricane relief concert to put down President Bush instead of using his brief media time to build up the hope of the victims in the Gulf region. That shows you Kanye has an agenda. That agenda is: Do what is best for Kanye and make lousy albums that don't make me work hard and get a bunch of people to advertise the hell out of it and make me a lot of money. Shame on that. DON'T BUY THIS ALBUM!

One star - C. Harlan
One word that describes this little boy....racist. Good job stirring up hate and creating stupidity. Kanye West, Michael Moore, and Bill Maher need to get a room together since they get off on Bush so much and love making your money doing it. I would rather invest my money in used toilet paper than buy this crap. Here's my Rap song that describes this hate: Do not buy. Will not buy. Would have never bought. Kanye West, Michael Moore, and Bill Maher can suck my _________.

One star - James M. Wimmer "Hurmoth" (Vinton, VA USA)
I listened for close to 2 whole songs, but couldn't finish it. The music sucks, plan and simple. I'll stick my classical music instead of this nonsense! Plus, after listening to his comments regarding President Bush, I should've known that someone who needs an education can't sing.

One star - Nada "matrixtrilogy" (USA) - See all my reviews
Come on Kanyeeee!This some nasty stuff. Typical of what's happened to black music and the black community. Killing, biyaches and hoes, pimps, smoke da crack rock, rape rob and pillage, cap ya in da grill, get AIDS then spend the resta yo time complainin bout da white man, dawg. Kanyeee, can ya hum a few bars bout respectability, education, maybe a little birth control for da black community? How bout workin?? Able bodied black man spreadin he seed throughout da projects, promiscuous black welfare momma spittin out da kids for society to suppot. Education da white man's trick; we don do dat. Unejicated Kanyeeee complain Gawje Bush done like da black peeps. But Kanyeeeee dun say dat 67% of N.O. is black - dat over 1 million black folk and about 35% of dem be welfare mommas. Suckin off da gubmint teet - lazy, immoral folk. Black community today shameful before peeps like Washington Carver, Harriet Tubman, Booker T. Washington, Frederick Douglass. Sullied dey names with disgusting behavior and trashy "music" like dis. Rap bout da above Kanyeeee or you just wanna ignore dat blacks creatin dey own problems. Bring back Diana Ross, Da Four Tops, Stevie Wonder, da great Al Green. Motown, we miss ya! Kanyeee, Snoop Stink Dawg, Ludricrop, all da same ole junk - nuttin new. Dis rap is crap, word up. Ya might wanna serve up a lil Black Eyed Peas though!!!!!