Post about searing pain

Yowwwwwwwwwwwwww!

I was making skillet fajitas with some 'fake steak' strips and peppers and onions. The recipe I was using called for a dash of Tabasco sauce, so while sauteing the veggies I added it. Then, in slow motion, the Tabasco bottle slipped off the counter as I was trying to set it down, bounced a couple of times off my free hand in slow-motion, and then landed on the rug, where the bottom of the bottle neatly broke off, causing an entire bottle of hot sauce to spill on the rug, but mostly onto my right foot. I cursed and threw the rug on the back porch and wiped up the spill on the floor quickly, then wiped off some of the hot sauce off my foot before finishing cooking and eating. While eating I noticed my foot felt increasingly pained, like it was burnt. I FINISHED EATING and then went to the bathtub to rinse off my foot, probably about ten or 15 minutes after the initial spill.

It still hurts. A lot. I've rinsed it twice now, and put some lotion on, but it doesn't help. Tabasco suace isn't even supposed to be that hot. Oh fuck it hurts.

Post about the Weather

I like fall weather because the summer is too sweaty and the winter is too painful. Plus, I've always thought of myself as an autumn, fashion-wise. Today is a fall-type day, very autumnal, high of 63, current temp 59. My apartment, as you know, is old and shitty and poorly insulated, we can't control the heat. It magically will turn on sometime in October and make our place an oven until April with its rattling radiators. So right now it's 60 degrees in here, and I'm freezing. I seriously don't know what to do with myself. I've been drinking tea, wearing a hoodie, moccasins on my feet, and my nose feels like an ice-cube. Dare I start cleaning something in order to stay warm?

Actually, I think I'll cook instead. Something spicy.

Post about Eyeballs

On Monday night I stayed up kind of late, like 12:20 or so, while listening to music on my big old falling apart headphones and reading a magazine on the futon and sipping cheap booze. It was one of those nights where I wasn't too tired but knew I had to get to bed since I had to work in the morning. So I turned off all the lights and began my nightly bathroom routine, which consists of taking out contacts, brushing teeth, etc. I forgot to plug the sink, and when I popped out my first contact (I wear the small hard ones) it flew errantly past my waiting hand, landed on its tiny side on the porcelin, and gracefully made an arcing roll into the open drain. But, alas, all was not lost, as the contact was still visible, stuck on the side of the drain hole! I couldn't pull out the drain stop thing, so I grabed a Qtip and tried to guide the lens back out with the precision of a brain surgeon. Well, that didn't work at all, as I just pushed the lens completely down the drain. I thought about cracking open the pipe under the sink, but our largest wrench is about four times too small.

So, first lost contact in six or seven years. The next day I dug out my old pair from five years ago, which were dry and brittle in their case. So since then I've been wearing one contact in my right eye that is five years old, and one contact in my left eye that is two years old. Needless to say, while my daily life isn't too affected it seems to be a challenge to stare at a computer screen. Which I've been doing for eight hours a day the last four days. I had a headache all of Tuesday, snuck out of work early to go to the eye doctor. Brand new pair should hopefully arrive tomorrow or Monday. I've decided to get new glasses as well, since I can't even read or watch TV in my old ones any more. I am blind!

Because of the whole 'it is annoying to stare at a computer screen' thing, I've had a good excuse to not do too much work this week. Or do any writing, obviously.

Post about being Sick

I'm kind of sick this week. Not too bad, just a little under the weather. I haven't been sick since last winter, and this crappy feeling started right on Wednesday when it was delightfully fall-like outside. Certain medical 'experts' I know tell me that the temperature outside has nothing to do with catching a cold, but that's fucking bullshit.

Either way, I'm still going out drinking tonight.

Post about Labor Day Weekend

First day of off work tomorrow since Friday of Nate-a-pol-ooza in July (maybe I'll devote a separate post to that), and I may be going mini-golfing. That will be the most exciting thing possible. First 48 hours of 3 day weekend have been spent at home, doing virtually nothing. Sure, I had the chance to meet friends out of town, but no car available. Boo. Sure, I asked other friends what they were up to, but most went of town themselves. Sure, I had plans to watch football and hang with someone yesterday, but of course they blew me off for no reason. Right at this second it is 9:42 on Sunday night, here is what I've done this weekend:

-Friday night got Thai takeout (Yellow Curry (medium spicy) with Tofu) and watched an episode of The Wire (more to be written about that show soon enough). I think later on I played a game of Madden 07 and watched Conan.

-Yesterday did some cleaning, watched the Badger football game, took an hour walk, played more Madden, watched The Big Sleep.

-Today I surfed the web, read my first issue of Playboy magazine cover to cover (more on that later for sure), did more cleaning, played more Madden, walked to Walgreens and Aldi's, made my world famous potato-chickpea curry (recipe to follow), watched the movie Brick with director's commentary, talked to parents on phone, wrote crazy blog posts. My finest accomplishment, however, is avoiding going to a wedding/reception, still ongoing, that would surely have been quite painful.

Throughout all this weekend's activity there has been sporadic but relatively constant drinking. Mostly beer, a couple rum and whiskey drinks. Not enough, apparently.

Post about the Grand Canyon

Short version:

Don't hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and back in July. Or, perhaps, ever.

Long version:

Sure, I have some self-esteem issues. For instance, I always am fixing my hair anytime I catch my reflection. And I hate every picture taken of me. Plus the whole eyebrow issue. And I'm not too smrt. Anyway, in the past I rarely was caught in public wearing sandals or flipflops because I hate my feet. There's too much hair going on, plus a couple ingrown toenails in the late 1990s causing really weird looking toes, with nails that seem too big for the toes with too great of a convexity, causing much pain when stepped on. Lately I have been wondering around in flip-flops in the neighborhood once in a while, but mostly because sometimes it is too hot to give a fuck. But now, post AGC (Anno Grand Canyon), no one should gaze upon my feet with a full stomach. Before July 6th I don't think I ever had a blister on my feet. Maybe once or twice, but obviously nothing memorable. Well, after hiking down to the bottom, I had one dime, two nickel, and one quarter sized blisters. On the way up, the ones on my heel burst (one nickel and one quarter) and were replaced by new, equal size blisters. One on my big toe actually grew a blister on top of another blister. Plus, a day or so later, I notice the nail on my right big toe was half-black from blood underneath, something that still remains nearly two months later.

So, that pretty much sums it up. Oh, the temp at the bottom was 115 degrees in the shade. There was AC in the cabin, luckily. I saw many scorpions under a blacklight. About a mile from the top coming down I twisted my ankle, and about a mile from the top going up I literally wanted to collapse and die. I didn't, in case you were wondering.

Go walk on a treadmill for seven hours at the highest grade while standing next to an open oven. Kind of like that.

Here are some pics. We accidentally took the broken camera, so we didn't have too many in focus. Unfortunately all the pictures of me had my hair looking terrible.

WOW!!!

I remember the innocent days of sitting down at my computer and just writing and writing, pouring out my most intimate thoughts, feeling a deep sense of accomplishment at the sight of words on a computer screen. What the fuck happened? Sure, it's been nearly two months, but even this whole year has largely been a bust, no 'Greatest Hits' of my blogging career for sure. I don't have an excuse. I might be busier than the first few months of this particular blog, but its not like I'm leading some crazy exciting life over here. I'm not going to offer any excuses, but lately its been kind of intimidating to sit down and start writing, since I have so much ground to cover.

So, instead of writing one massive 5,000 word return to form, I'm going to concentrate on writing short and sweet posts, one subject at a time.

The goal is 30 posts in September. This is #1.

Come fly with me, Fly!!!!!!!

Interview

Long time, how've you been? I hope to be stricken with the writing bug sometime this summer, despite the fact that my computer is in a room whose temperature flirts with three digits in the summer, not to mention the occasional whiffs of cat poo. This is intended to be one of those quite lengthy, too-much-information, rambling blog posts summing up the last couple months and to provide more insight into the quirky enigma that is me.

The format of this post will be an imaginary interview of me by an unheard interviewer. Yes, this has been done before.

Q.
'Fine, how are you?'

Q.
'That's great. Can I buy you another drink?'

Q.
'Cool. Uh, excuse me... a PBR for me and a [name of some weird tropical girly drink] for her.'

Q.
'No problem.'

Q.
'Yeah, it's great to have a day off tomorrow. I'm actually taking Thursday through Monday off as well this week. You've got to love the two-day work week.'

Q.
'Well, tomorrow I'm just kicking it, I don't know, maybe find someone with a grill or something, but Thursday I'm flying to Arizona and hiking down to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.'

Q.
'Yeah, it should be great. We're flying in to Phoenix, renting a car and driving north, and staying in a hotel right on the rim. Then Friday we're hiking down, Sunday back up. Staying in a cabin for two nights. I'm a little nervous to see how the old knees will hold up. I bought a brace from Walgreens last weekend, hopefully that helps.'

Q.
'Well, I'll have a backpack, but aside from a few clothes and my contact solution and stuff all I plan on carrying will be mostly water. It's going to be insanely hot, most likely. But the 'ranch,' or whatever you call it that's at the bottom provides beds and towels and soap and stuff, plus we paid in advance for the meals. Since all the supplies come from a mule, I guess we have to do that. They do have a place that sells beer there, but God knows how much a bottle costs, not like we can go down the block or anything.'

Q.
'I think it's going to be beef stew or something. I didn't really have any input in planning the trip, I was actually asked by a coworker, and his friend was planning it. So there's going to be ten people in total and I'll know less than half. Also, weirdly, it'll be the first time in nearly a month that I'll have eaten meat.'

Q.
'Well, no, nothing weird like that. It's more of an exploring new options sort of thing. Just got tired of planning meals around the chicken or beef or venison in the center of the plate with everything else an afterthought. We'd been eating a few vegetarian things that we really liked, so we decided to see if we could go a month without resorting to the old standbys.'

Q.
'The tricky thing is that you have to plan your meals a bit better. Sure, there's always spaghetti or something, or frozen veggie burgers (which are disgusting), but usually you have to find recipes and actually cook. I made a couple soups, lentil/spinach and gazpacho, some avocado and black bean tacos, some stir fry with eggplant and tofu, curry potatoes and vegetables (the best thing ever, by the way), and just a lot of things with fresh vegetables. Of course we have a few restaurants nearby who catered to this sort of thing, so a few falafel sandwiches and the like were in the mix as well. It took about a week for my stomach to catch up with the fact that there wasn't going to be 6-8 ounces of meat in the menu, but since then I've been fine.'

Q.
'No, I think I always ate healthy enough. 161 pounds of muscle right here, ha ha ha ha. I think I probably just need to cut down on alcohol and do a few stomach crunches and I'll be fine. I haven't been to the doctor in nearly a decade, so I fucking hope so.'

Q.
'Oh, well, uh, thank you, I'll take that as a complement. Coming from you that means a lot. Hey, excuse me, I'll take a large glass of your cheapest tequila on the rocks, and another refill for her.'

Q.
'Oh no, don't worry about it. I like talking to you. I appreciate that you seem interested in what I have to say.'

Q.
'Otherwise, no, not up to too much lately. The last few weekends have been pretty low key. Went to a few bars, ran a few errands, that sort of thing. Obviously these upcoming few days are going to be crazy, and the rest of the month is going to be pretty busy as well.'

Q.
'Well, uh, the weekend after this is the Pitchfork festival, and then after that is an expedition to FFL Nate's cabin in northern WI, and there's a few concerts to see in between, so I'll hopefully stay out of trouble.'

Q.
'Wow, how'd you know I was a film major? To tell you the truth, not too many new movies lately, Knocked Up was fantastic, but I'm a big Apatow/Freaks and Geeks/Undeclared fan, so my judgement may be skewed.

Q.
'I'll take the rest of that tequila bottle, and a roofie-tini for her. Uh, anyway, what was I saying?'

Q.
'Uh, music yeah, it's going to be a good year, I can feel it, Best of 2007 is off to a pretty good start. New White Stripes is very good, new Spoon (streamable here) is better. New New Pornographers is difficult and questionable so far, may be a dud. A couple other new things that shall remain secrets for now.

Q.
'Not much else is new. Oh, I know, in the last couple hours, since this imaginary conversation began, I got my first professional haircut in exactly one year. It looks OK, I guess. Short enough that I don't have to bother with it unless I need to.'

Q.
'Thanks, yeah, I know it makes me look younger.'

Q.
'Twenty-eight.'

Q.
'Wow, I was going to say that you look older, actually. Maybe because you are so, uh, confident.'

Q.
'No, uh, sorry, I was just, I like your shirt. It's shiny. My eyes, sorry, uh, you know, naturally...'

Q.
'Yes, I do, she's great, I'm sorry if I, uh, offended you.'

Q.
'Wow. I mean seriously, Wow. I'm flattered by the offer, but, I really can't.'

Q.
'I think so. I mean, yes, I'm sure.'

Q.
'Yes, you are very attractive, I know.'

Q.
'I, uh, actually think I'm late for another appointment. It was very nice meeting you.'

Q.
'Uh, yeah, I know it's late, sorry, but I really need to run. See you around.'

As our hero sprints away from the imaginary interviewer, who may be red or dark brown haired, with full lips and perky boobs, he thinks only of the fact that he has neglected his poorly-named blog, which has recently past 10,000 hits without fanfare. 'Soon,' he thinks, 'I will become the blogger that I've always meant to be, and will ascend to the pinnacle that I've always deserved.'

THE END.

Labor Daze

This was going to originally be some sort of bloggy grab bag, summing up the last month in my effortlessly witty style. I'd touch on such subjects as my 28th birthday, my parents visiting, my adventures at Soundbar with my friend Margot, my new haircut, Mandy's surprising visit to my cubicle yesterday, my plan to become temporarily vegetarian as an experiment, being super excited to see Knocked Up next weekend, and, I don't know, maybe some rant about how all my favorite TV shows always get prematurely cancelled.

But, well, that all seems like a ton of work. And right now WORK is not my strong suit, I'll return to some of those other things in a later issue, perhaps, but right now I can't seem to find the energy.

Now, work. Lately I've tried to avoid writing about this subject, a) because it is boring, b) because no one cares, and c) because I wouldn't want something so cliched as a boss stumbling onto this page and reading this sentence. Until I posted that ridiculous vacation picture I also tried to be strictly anonymous, though if someone was so inclined they could probably track me down and stab me quite easily. Which I wouldn't necessarily mind, I like meeting new people. But, truthfully, the real reason I stopped writing about work has more to do with the fact that I want to give the impression that I do, in fact, have a worthwhile job and I am a hard-working productive member of society, and am not completely miserable career-wise. These impressions would be completely false, obviously, but at the very least I can have an excuse for not writing for a whole month.

My current job: a) has basically run into a dead-end careerwise, since my position probably will be eliminated within a year and there's no clear path from here. b) is soul-suckingly boring, and I have no desire to do it for another year. c) pays the bills.

Logic seems to say I should quit and find something else, which sounds like good advice. But I seriously have no clue about what job I'd actually like to have, I just know I probably won't find it here. Unemployment would be fun for a month, but after that it'll be horrible, just like all the other times. But at least I'll be forced to find something else. Life is short and all that.

Quite the dilemma, I know. I won't bore you to tears any more, but if anyone has a job opening for someone with a liberal arts degree and no experience lemme know.

The Bright Side = Three day weekend!!!!!!

The South Takes What the North Delivers

900 miles in a car (the 2008 Dodge Avenger at 30 mpg) plus a flight to and back from the coast isn't exactly enviro-friendly, especially after the recent deluge of guilt-creating documentaries I've been watching, but I don't care, I had a great time.

Let's crunch some numbers:

24,5: Amount of bottled beers and bottles of wine, respectively, that were collectively consumed in hotel rooms across the CA coast. Since most days we were so active we had no desire or energy to be out after dinner, San Francisco excepted, we'd typically plan the next day, watch bad cable TV, and drink on the bed during this time. We did stop at a winery at one point, and felt no shame in consuming more than one fancy (read: over $15) bottle of wine using the cheap plastic cups wrapped in plastic in hotel rooms. Also, we didn't have a bottle opener until the end, so most beers were opened using drawer handles and deadbolt locks (with occasionally messy results).

29: Approximate number of 200 mg ibuprofen tablets taken by me. Considering that we probably walked close to two marathons in total, I was surprised that I was able to walk at all after the first day, let alone complete a couple surprisingly difficult hikes. This was a pleasant surprise all around.

2: The number of times we were caught in the rain and soaked to the bone in San Diego on Friday. San Diego! I think it rains like eight days a year there. I was unimpressed by the city in general; downtown is nothing special and the beach is fine but only if yr a surfer. One Positive: Traffic is not a problem.

7: Meals eaten by me that involved fish or seafood. A whole crab, salmon, scallops at a Chinese place, fish tacos (twice), shrimp/scallops with pasta, and sushi. The crab was the only thing which I knew to be fresh, but since I was near water I thought I should be eating seafood.

301: Photographs taken.

42: Price, in dollars, of the cheapest hotel we stayed in, The Silver Surf Motel just south of Hearst Castle in San Simeon. It was also the only one with an indoor pool and hottub. We kept things pretty inexpensive.

2: Parts of my body that are sunburned. My left and right calves only, since this was the only area I forgot to put sunscreen on on Saturday, in which we left SD and drove east to the Anza-Borrego Desert State Park. This was the only day I wore shorts the whole trip, and maybe only the second day I wore sunscreen.

3: Number of Desert Bighorn Sheep, an endangered species, spotted in the desert.

8.5: Hours spent at Disneyland. Not my idea.

8: Approximate hours spent waiting in lines at Disneyland. The worst culprit was the Roger Rabbit ride in Toontown. (I can't believe I typed that sentence). Since Disneyland sucks, we basically did everything M wanted to do by 1 pm, so the rest of the afternoon was going on the second-tier attractions and a couple things a second time. The Roger Rabbit ride looked horrible, but we got in line anyway, stuck between literally 6 screaming kids aged 5 and under and their inadequate parents. Unlike most lines in the park, this one moved incredibly slow, and it took us nearly an hour to get to the front. Then, while about 8 people away from getting it over with, the ride broke down, and a 20-30 minute delay was announced. We didn't stick around, and left Toontown cursing.

1,239: Amount of 'Whoas" and "Wows" spoken by us, mostly in the drive from SF to the end of the Big Sur area. Every corner on Highway 1 seemed to bring postcard views. I think we probably pulled over to take pictures about 25 times as well. Hiking in the Julia Pfeiffer Burns State park contributed a lot of ecstatic noises as well.

All in all, a great trip, we did a lot and saw everything we wanted to. Probably should have spent more time north and less south, but whatever. This kind of trip was the kind I like, I can lay on the beach and do nothing when I'm old and tired.

Other nice thing about vacation was not being woken up by Kim Gordon three times a night. She's at my parents house until they visit on Saturday, so I'm going to plan on enjoy not being bothered the next two nights.

*First picture is me on Alcatraz with SF behind. This was the least hideous picture of me in the bunch, I think. What you don't know is that I'm naked from the waist down. In the picture. And also, right now.

The NFL Draft Preview! or, I am the total package!

(l,r: Calvin Johnson, Calvin Johnson)

The NFL Draft is completely ridiculous. Not to say that last year when I had cable I didn't watch nearly the entire two-day event. But I've decided it is popular, or at least attracts a lot of attention in the press, for the following reasons:

1. Biggest Football weekend between the Super Bowl and the start of the next season. In fact, the ONLY football weekend between the Super Bowl and the start of preseason/training camp, which is interesting only in finding out which assholes are holding out or reporting late.
2. Hope. No matter how bad your team is, you have a chance to grab the next All-Time Great Player. Odds are slim (I'd say one third of all first round picks are complete busts, and another third merely ordinary), but the fact that there is a chance makes this the best day of the year if you are a Lions or Browns fan. Save your cynicism for every other day.
3. Sports pundits can pretend they know something we don't. Usually everyone on ESPN or sports radio babbles their own opinions that are no more well-informed than the average sports fan. But leading up to the draft they can enlighten us with details of a Division 1-AA player's 40 time and vertical jumps. I think this keeps them from killing themselves for another year.

It's interesting to think that for some of the young athletes getting picked, this weekend it'll be the highlight of their lives. Most won't amount to much, and they'll never be as highly regarded as they were one day at the end of April. Regardless, they will all (at least early rounders) be very rich.

***

Ignore the above lazy writing, what I really want to know is what percentage of the population realized the Calvin Johnson connection early last fall. I'm not bragging here, but simply confessing that when anyone on TV or otherwise talked about the Georgia Tech receiver I got a off-key baritone voice stuck in my head. It's a curse, really, having so much knowledge.

The reason this seems important to me is that for the most part, old chums excluded, most of my Chicago friends fall into one of two camps: sports or arts. As in, I have people that I invited to my fantasy baseball league, and I have people that I go see shows with and borrow books from. These two groups never meet each other, which is weird, since both seem to have heavy drinking in common. This is not to say people in one category have no interest in the other, it's just that they do one thing well and may fall short of the other, like when Bill Simmons tries to recommend music (yikes.) The issue for me, sitting alone in the small intersection of this particular Venn diagram, is that if I talk about music or film with The Sports People, or vice versa, is that I can come across as a condescending jerk. Perhaps because I am, I suppose, but why should I be punished for my unquenchable thirst for knowledge?

I'm kidding. I'm just puzzled why these two categories seem so exclusive from each other. I would think at least that sports is an easier subject to get into, due to the current flood of information across cable and the web, not to mention the perpetual coverage in newspapers going back forever; it's not as if anyone was putting out homemade sports-themed fanzines as a kid. Also, with sports you have more of a multi-generational thing, where a father can educate and pass along his routing interests to the son. (I guess you can have the same thing with arts, particularly literature, but it much more common for a kid to listen to music that his parent's don't understand, right? And most people would rather be taken to a baseball game than to a concert by their parents.). My use of the term 'arts' implies some sort of education, but, literature aside, I'm not really sure if that's the case. (I've probably learned more about film from Roger Ebert than from film classes in college). I do suppose you should enjoy reading though, as there never will be an ESPN for this sort of thing.

I give up, this is going nowhere. Indulge me and give me your thoughts.

Audi 5000

Thanks to all of you who offered California mixtape suggestions.

I didn't actually use any of them, though, due mostly to laziness. 'California #2' was created using whatever songs I had on my hard drive, most of which had nothing to do with the Golden State but seemed suitable for driving. Some of your collective choices were very inspired, though, so give yourself a pat on the back.

Those of you who suggested the Red Hot Chili Peppers are banned from the blog for one week.

Coming next week: Nothing!

Coming the week after that: Trip wrap-up (Will it be self-deprecating? Tune in and find out!) and possible NFL draft "preview."

Props Vol. 4

"Props!" is a reoccurring feature on this site that will basically consist of a short list of things that are cool, things that are awesome, things that are recommended, and things that rule. I, therefore, will be giving mad "props" to everything on the list.

1. Saturday Looks Good To Me. I've written about this band many times before, but mostly in terms of 'I saw them for the Xth time and it was awesome' or 'I can believe they aren't more popular.' Well, now I've decided I don't want them to be more popular. I want them to stay the same. I want to not have to worry about getting into their shows, and not worry about having room to dance about. I like buying limited run records directly from the bandleader, and not be afraid to talk to him. I like the people I meet at their shows, and I like that I never get tired of them. I like their songs, and if the rest of the world doesn't, that's their problem.

2. Seared Shrimp. Growing up in a very small town meant any seafood I'd eat at home would be that which our family caught ourselves, meaning fried fish and fried fish only, with occasionally deep-fried and beer-battered fish and sometimes, if we were lucky, frozen breaded shrimp, also deep fried. I began making salmon and tilapia a few years ago, but largely shied away from the more expensive seafood, fearing I'd fuck it up and waste a bunch of money. Well, seared shrimp is easy as balls, aside from the hassle of peeling them. Recipe here. Serve with pasta.

3. Over the air HDTV. My dependable ten-year-old 20" TV died during the NFL playoffs, and I did some research and bought an LCD HDTV two days later. While my choice of TV may be debatable (A few things disappoint me), the fact that I have watched the rest of the playoffs, many many many college basketball games, the Office, and fucking alligators eating antelopes on PBS in High Def all using a $10 cheap antenna is fricking sweet. I may cave and get cable next fall (Damn you, Big Ten Network!), but I said that last summer as well. Granted, having to occasionally get off the couch to adjust rabbit ears is akin to powering your car with your feet, Flintstones-style.

4. Brick. While Netflix has mostly afforded me the luxury of catching up on TV-shows on DVD (Fucking THE WIRE is as good as they say and deserves its own mention), it also has allowed me the chance to watch movies that I ordinarily wouldn't have the time or energy to seek out from a video store. I've caught up on a few old classics and have been unafraid to test out movies I haven't heard too much about. I had heard relatively little about Brick, other that it was described as a neo-noir and generally got positive reviews. I picked a night spent alone to watch it, and I was so impressed that I watched all of the DVD special features and then started the movie over again with director's commentary turned on. I don't want to give much away, not that the plot is the most important thing (and is pretty confusing at first), but it is basically The Maltese Falcon set in a high school, complete with antiquated gumshoe slang and all the stock characters from the genre. I also have decided that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is the best actor around who is younger than me.

5. Proxy Servers. My previous complaints about work internet filters have finally been answered, thanks to websites that access forbidden websites for me. No youtube, but at least I can check daily the roster of The Racing Sausages, my head-to-head fantasy baseball team, currently in first place after one week.

6. Children of Men. Another movie. This one just came out on DVD as well, and I have purchased and watched already. But the real fireworks came when I saw this in a theater a couple months ago. I don't usually go for the bleak, post-apocalyptic thing, but this one completely held my attention for nearly two hours, with some moments so intense (not to mention technically amazing and real-feeling) that I nearly forgot to breathe. Probably best on decent home theatre set-up (the DVD looked good but I don't have any sound system), but definitely worth checking out. Watchability factor is high as well, due to the fact that the movie doesn't hit you over the head with exposition, and prefers to use background imagery to fill in the backstory. I wouldn't classify it as an 'ACTION' movie, but if it were it would be the smartest action movie I've ever seen, and probably was my most satisfying trip to the movie theater in my lifetime.

7. A Spicy Falafel Sandwich and a Large Lentil Soup from Sultan's Market, Chicago. Once again, the small-town factor affects culinary matters, as middle eastern food is something I completely ignored until the last few years. I did go a few times to the mideast restaurant on 55th street (I think) in Hyde Park when I lived there, but nothing compares to having an insanely cheap place (the above costs $6 total) for take-out within a couple blocks from my apartment. My stomach did briefly protest to the strange new combinations of ingredients, not to mention eating an entire meal without any meat that didn't involve pasta, but the taming power of hummus has prevailed.

8. Sexy Librarians. I don't think any explanation is necessary, though I will say that some people's idea of a S.L is to stick a Playboy Playmate in cat-eye glasses. This is not what I have in mind. While the term does refer to particular aesthetic features, ideally it would involve a high level of literacy as well, and I'd like to think I can beat at least a vast majority of Playmates at Scrabble.

We got Deserts, We got Trees, We got the Hills of Beverly

We're going to California on Saturday for vacation, driving from SF to SD in a hopefully satisfactory rental car. The weather is not going to be as nice as I had hoped; I picture CA, especially the southern half, as some sort of tropical paradise, so I was shocked to learn the avg temp for LA is only in the low to mid 70s, and for some reason SD is even cooler, despite the fact that it is further south. I'll probably go to the beach anyway.

Aside from the first two nights, no hotel reservations are being made and no events are firmly scheduled. We will be spontaneous and play it by ear. Most likely we'll take 3 days to drive from SF to LA, stopping at every chance we get.

Here's where you come in: since there will be a lot of time spent in a rental car, I am making some mix CD's. Last night I finished 'California #1,' which consists of both band/artists from the state and songs about it. I realized that I don't actually have a ton of music from the state. I downloaded some West Coast hiphop and that song from the beginning of the O.C., and had no trouble making a CD, but aside from Pavement and Deerhoof I don't have too much. East Coast rap is so much better!

I didn't save or printout the tracklist, but here's what I have from memory:
California - Phantom Planet (the OC song)
California Dreamin - The Mamas and the Papas
California Love - 2pac
Gin and Juice - Snoop Diggidy Doggy Dogg
Ain't Nothin but a G Thing - Dr. Dre
Going to California - Led Zeppelin
Some Weezer Song
A few pavement Songs
a deerhoof song
a grandaddy song
I get around - Beach Boys
Move to LA - Art Brut
Down South, Ten Hours, I-5 - All Girl Summer Fun Band
Expressway to Yr Skull - Sonic Youth (no idea if this song is about CA, but it is mentioned in the first line, plus it is a good album closer).

There were 5 or 6 other songs too, all really clever ones I'm sure, but I can't remember any at the moment.

Obviously I already have the obvious choices, but I'm going to make another CA themed CD and need some ideas. Death Cab is not allowed, this is for driving, after all. And whoever suggests 'Hotel California' is banned from the blog. So far all I have that isn't on the first CD is the Flying Burrito Bros. Oh, and the Minutemen, too, I just thought of that. I think I need some L.A. punk music but I'm actually not sure where to start there. Please leave your suggestions in the comments, along with any tips for things to do and places to go along the way.

I AM A FRIEND TO ALL THE PEOPLES OF THE WORLD!

Last Thursday after our weekly work happy hour, which I've dubbed THE BOMB SQUAD (don't ask), I made what I believe was a brief error in judgment. We were at the bar from 5:30 to 11:30, drinking slowly and steadily. Afterwards I walked six blocks to catch the N--- Avenue bus which would take me home. Unfortunately a bus drove past just before I got there, so I had to wait. I waited and waited, alone at the bus stop, with no oncoming bus in sight. I was there maybe 20 minutes, maybe 15, maybe just 10. My concept of time was distorted because my iPod battery was dead, so I was stuck listening to traffic. I thought briefly about hailing a cab, but I'm kinda cheap and had already dropped a Jackson on cheap beers and snacks.

Out of the black a car, mid-size sedan, not too old, pulls up to the curb. I am the only one there. The driver rolls down his passenger side window and says, "Are you waiting for the bus?"

I say, "Yeah."

"Where you going?" asks the driver.

"Uh, just down to D--- Ave, just a mile or so down the road," I say. I actually had to go a few blocks further.

"I'll take you there for two dollars," he says.

Sometimes when you make a decision you have plenty of time to think about it. You can weigh the pros and cons, make lists and check them twice if not three times, and generally have the patience to feel comfortable with your decision.

This was not one of those times. I made my decision in about two seconds, with a brain that was busy dealing with the effects of 8 to 10 beers.

Thought process = "Boy, I am tired of waiting for the bus which I still don't see. I wonder how much longer I'd have to wait. I should get home, I'm probably already in trouble for being home so late. What's the worst that could happen if I get into a car with a strange man? Robbed? Whatever, I don't even have much cash. Plus, I'm not one of those people who lives in fear, right? Not even if the driver of the car is black... Oops, was that racist? I am a racist for thinking that? If I decline this ride does that mean I'm racist? Am I a bigot? No, of course not. I am color-blind. I am a friend to all races."

"Sure," I say. Ha, would a racist say that? No way!

So I get in the car. The driver speeds off.

Immediately I regret the decision. This guy is going to take a sharp right turn into an alley and rob me and beat me up and leave me for dead. Or there could be another dude in the backseat that I never saw who's going to strangle me from behind. I check the passenger side door; it is locked. Maybe this dude has the car rigged so I won't be able to get out. You should know that I would have been just as spooked if the driver was white, or latino, or asian, or whatever. ME = Not a Racist.

The driver, who never tells me his name, immediately begins a tale of woe, about how he's from Atlanta and came up here, but his girlfriend left him and now he doesn't have any MONEY to get home, and he's trying to figure shit out but things are ROUGH. Then his car beeps, as in the 'low fuel' beep, and he says, "Oh, hang in there, baby, I'm going to take care of you real soon." There was a hip-hop CD on the stereo which sounded good at the time, but I never got the nerve to ask who it was. I was busy agreeing with him that his story was sad. "Aw, shit, that's cold, dude."

The driver asks me, "You been drinking tonight? You drunk?" which I took to mean as "How easy is it going to be for me to rob you?"

"A little bit," I say. "Just a few, after work." Gulp.

We get to the major intersection where I had been planning the drop off (not next to my apartment, lots of witnesses). I say, "Pull over right here, man." He asks if he should turn down a street and take me to my door, but I tell him, no, no, I'm right here, that's cool. He stops the car, I open the door, put one foot outside, then give him five bucks. He asks for two more, and I say, "You said two dollars, man. Five's a whole lot better than two." I get out, shut the door, and walk on my merry way. THE END. Nothing bad happens. I am alive. Hurray! And certainly have no racial biases.

I Can't Ever Sleep

I apologize for the posting delay, there are a few things in the works that I haven't quite been able to finish, including a long-overdue edition of "Props," and I've been busy at home and semi-busy at work, so that doesn't leave much time. I have about 15 minutes to spare right now, so lets see how much shit I can come up with in that time...

***

Last Nine Netflix Movies Viewed:
1-3. Angel, Season 4, Disc 3-5 (TV Series)
4. The Science of Sleep, Michel Gondry, 2006
5-6. The Wire, Season 1, Disc 3-4 (TV Series)
7. An Inconvenient Truth, Davis Guggenheim, 2006
8. A Scanner Darkly, Richard Linklater, 2006
9. Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, Danny Leiner, 2004

Last Five Books Read or Currently Reading:
1. Baseball Between the Numbers, 2006, The Baseball Prospectus Team of Experts
2. What is the What, 2006, Dave Eggers
3. Laughter in the Dark (fka Kamera Obscura), 1938, Vladimir Nabokov
4. Blink, 2004, Malcolm Gladwell
5. Special Topics in Calamity Physics, 2006, Marisha Pessl

Last Five Albums Purchased:
1. Super ae, The Boredoms (1998), CD, purchased 2/26/07
2. The Man, The King, The Girl, Deerhoof (1997), CD, purchased 2/26/07
3. Green Mansions, Saturday Looks Good to Me (2007), One-sided vinyl LP (#6 out of just 300), purchased 2/24/07
4. Fishscale, Ghostface Killah (2006), CD, purchased approx. 2/11/07
5. Halfbird, Deerhoof (2001), CD, purchased 1/27/07

Uh, well, my time seems to be up, so that's that. More to follow soon.

The Worst Movies of All Time*

*Obviously I have not seen every movie ever made, but I have seen plenty. To narrow down the field even further, however, these are all the worst movies I've seen AT THE THEATRE. Therefore, I can escape providing any worthwhile analysis of these films, but instead provide worthless anecdotes from my younger years. These are in no particular order. Enjoy!

Links for each movie are to their IMDB page

1. Down Periscope (1996)- This gem, starring Kelsey "Frasier" Grammer, illustrated life on board a wacky submarine. As one of the first and only films in the "Submarine Comedy" genre, it obviously had a lifetime's worth of classic submarine jokes to work with. Unfortunately, there are zero classic submarine jokes.

2. Independence Day (1996)- In the summer of 1996 I was 17 years old, and loved this movie. Loved it so much that I saw it twice, once with a (now long lost) friend and once with my family. "It's the greatest science-fiction movie since Star Wars!" I bragged at the time. GUESS WHAT? All 17-year-olds are fucking idiots.

3. Godzilla (1998)- This movie was a flop through and through, but of course I was still dumb enough to watch it. As the closing credits rolled, my friends and I all knew that we had wasted our precious money. The fact that the credits were accompanies by a Puff Daddy bastardization of a Led Zeppelin song just rubbed salt in our wounds.

4. Twins (1988)- This was the first PG-13 movie I ever saw in the theatre (if at all), courtesy of my parents. I know this is a decision every parent must make at one point or another: When to defy the MPAA. I'm sure my parents were thinking: "Hey, it's a comedy, the commercials look funny, how bad could it be?" Today I am a horrible human being, and I blame my parents 100%.

5. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)- I know this one gets load of critical acclaim and high ratings, and I was greatly anticipating it. I had read the books as a young teen, and had convinced my family to make it our annual 'Xmas Movie.' Perhaps it was the particular theatre we were in, but by the time the movie finished I was tired and sore. 3 incredibly boring hours in theatre seats = approx four minutes of ass rape.

6. Chicago (2002)- I was never one for musicals, and this wasn't my choice. Of course there was a girl involved, so I patiently sat through the movie, which I hated. I also had a bad sore throat at the time, one which would later reemerge every month for the entire spring/summer of 2003. After the movie, while in the hot darkness of the girl's bed/futon, I told her she made me happy. A minute later I was dumped.

7. Fantasia (1940)- I'm not positive how old I was when my parents took us to see this at the theatre, perhaps 6 or 7. Parents thought: "Hey, it is Disney, fucking Mickey Mouse, the kids will love it." My dim memories recall being bored, and then my parents putting on my coat halfway though, going to the lobby, and demanding their money back.

8. Firestorm (1998)- I saw this one during winter break of my freshman year in college, because of boredom and the fact that an object of my affection was coming along. Life Lesson #4867: No matter what the intentions of a then-romantic 18-year-old, a Howie Long starring role will crush all hopes and dreams.

9. Turner and Hooch (1989)- Tom Hanks + Slobbery Dog = Comedy GOLD, you say. I would normally agree. The occasion of seeing this movie coincided with my best friend at the time's 10th birthday party. We, along with a half dozen other children, went to the movie together, which was to be the first in a series of fun activities (the others involved hot dogs, baseball, a sleepover, Nintendo, and whatever else 10-yr-olds do.). However just before the end of the movie I puked all over myself and theatre seat. The theatre was gracious enough to lend me a large paper tub, usually reserved for overpriced popcorn, so that I could feverishly sit in the passenger seat of my best friend's mom's stationwagon, with my friends playing in the backseats, and be driven home without defiling the automobile.

10. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze (1991)- I saw this movie while on a "Youth Group" trip to the local (i.e. 45 minutes drive away) mall as a 6th grader. Somehow yours truly, never one to hold any great influence or popularity, convinced no less than four other kids to see this movie with me. (I think one of my persuasive arguments was "Vanilla Ice is in it!") One of these people was my sixth grade and first ever girlfriend, named Kandi. "Girlfriend" at the time was a term without a real solid definition. I do remember sometime during the later half of the horrible movie I finally mustered enough courage to try and hold her hand. Being the gentlemen that I was, both then and now, instead of simply firmly grabbing her hand in mine I choose to slightly stroke the top of her hand with my fingertips. This tactic produced a reaction similar to when a small spider crawls across your skin, so she (now) understandably jerked her entire arm away with the maximum force possible. Our relationship was never quite the same. This left quite an impression on me, as I didn't attempt to touch another woman with the same intentions or optimism until roughly seven years later.

Food Finale: Tuesday

Well, this was the last day of recording my food and alcohol consumption. Today was another pretty normal day, save for the beers and snacks, which were a result of getting out of work 45 minutes early and choosing to go to bar instead of home. Dinner was almost exclusively from Trader Joe's, which doesn't represent my normal eating habits.

Food:

Two S’mores-flavored Pop Tarts
One cup green tea
One smoked turkey lunchmeat sandwich with yellow mustard on Whole Wheat bread
One fat free Key Lime Yogurt
One kiwi
One small leftover salad featuring spinach and mushrooms and some other weird things
Medium-sized bowl of popcorn
Very small bowl of kettle chips
One salmon patty (baked in toaster over) on a whole wheat bun with spicy mustard AND salsa.
Small serving of homemade apple sauce
Small serving of penne with eggplant and mushrooms (from frozen package)
A few Reece’s Pieces

Alcohol:

Two bottles of Miller Genuine Draft
Two Bourbons on the rocks

****

So, what have I learned? Nothing. My lunches are boring (though a usual weekly sample would have some over-priced cafeteria food or some other work lunch out) and I can make a decent dinner if I have the time and energy. I also drink too much. It should also be noted that for the entire week I was eating dinner with M, so I didn't have a chance to be on my own and lazy. Overall though, hopefully I can avoid laziness and eat more vegetables and all of these things.

I do apologize for wasting everyone's time. The exercise was largely self-indulgent and should have been done privately. If you have comments, feel free to leave them. Non-food related posting shall resume tomorrow.

Food: Monday

Another boring food day, as I had 'the usual' for lunch and leftovers again for dinner. Complete lack of vegetables is disturbing. Beginning today I have switched to a new kind of bread; one without any weird preservatives or, apparently, taste. Also, our endless supply of "Curry Beef" has finally been exhausted, so look for something new for dinner tomorrow.

Food:

One smoked turkey lunchmeat sandwich with yellow mustard on Whole Wheat bread
One fat free Black Cherry Yogurt
One apple
One kiwi
3 oz baby carrots
Two individually wrapped packs of Keebler club crackers and cheese
One Nature Valley ‘Sweet n Salty Nut: Cashew’ snack bar
One large bowl of “Curry Beef” with white rice
16 oz glass of Low Sodium V-8
One small piece of chocolate shaped like a race car.
A few Reece's Pieces.

Alcohol:

Two Sidecars.

Food: Sunday

Today was a lazy day, leftovers for dinner plus whatever else I could find for lunch. In retrospect, I probably could have done without that last drink.

Food:

16 oz glass of orange juice
One bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats with 1% milk
4 oz of apple juice
Large romaine lettuce salad, with one tomato, feta cheese, and Newman’s Own Light Raspberry Walnut dressing
One cob of corn, with ICBINB and salt
One large bowl of “Curry Beef” with rice
Four “mini” whole wheat pita pockets with Chipotle Pepper Hummus

Alcohol:

Two Caipirinhas
Two Bourbons on the rocks