WYLD STALLYNS RULE!

Post about searing pain

2007-09-19T18:30:00.000-05:00

Yowwwwwwwwwwwwww!

I was making skillet fajitas with some 'fake steak' strips and peppers and onions. The recipe I was using called for a dash of Tabasco sauce, so while sauteing the veggies I added it. Then, in slow motion, the Tabasco bottle slipped off the counter as I was trying to set it down, bounced a couple of times off my free hand in slow-motion, and then landed on the rug, where the bottom of the bottle neatly broke off, causing an entire bottle of hot sauce to spill on the rug, but mostly onto my right foot. I cursed and threw the rug on the back porch and wiped up the spill on the floor quickly, then wiped off some of the hot sauce off my foot before finishing cooking and eating. While eating I noticed my foot felt increasingly pained, like it was burnt. I FINISHED EATING and then went to the bathtub to rinse off my foot, probably about ten or 15 minutes after the initial spill.

It still hurts. A lot. I've rinsed it twice now, and put some lotion on, but it doesn't help. Tabasco suace isn't even supposed to be that hot. Oh fuck it hurts.

Post about the Weather

2007-09-15T14:27:00.000-05:00

I like fall weather because the summer is too sweaty and the winter is too painful. Plus, I've always thought of myself as an autumn, fashion-wise. Today is a fall-type day, very autumnal, high of 63, current temp 59. My apartment, as you know, is old and shitty and poorly insulated, we can't control the heat. It magically will turn on sometime in October and make our place an oven until April with its rattling radiators. So right now it's 60 degrees in here, and I'm freezing. I seriously don't know what to do with myself. I've been drinking tea, wearing a hoodie, moccasins on my feet, and my nose feels like an ice-cube. Dare I start cleaning something in order to stay warm?

Actually, I think I'll cook instead. Something spicy.

Post about Eyeballs

2007-09-14T15:50:00.000-05:00

On Monday night I stayed up kind of late, like 12:20 or so, while listening to music on my big old falling apart headphones and reading a magazine on the futon and sipping cheap booze. It was one of those nights where I wasn't too tired but knew I had to get to bed since I had to work in the morning. So I turned off all the lights and began my nightly bathroom routine, which consists of taking out contacts, brushing teeth, etc. I forgot to plug the sink, and when I popped out my first contact (I wear the small hard ones) it flew errantly past my waiting hand, landed on its tiny side on the porcelin, and gracefully made an arcing roll into the open drain. But, alas, all was not lost, as the contact was still visible, stuck on the side of the drain hole! I couldn't pull out the drain stop thing, so I grabed a Qtip and tried to guide the lens back out with the precision of a brain surgeon. Well, that didn't work at all, as I just pushed the lens completely down the drain. I thought about cracking open the pipe under the sink, but our largest wrench is about four times too small.

So, first lost contact in six or seven years. The next day I dug out my old pair from five years ago, which were dry and brittle in their case. So since then I've been wearing one contact in my right eye that is five years old, and one contact in my left eye that is two years old. Needless to say, while my daily life isn't too affected it seems to be a challenge to stare at a computer screen. Which I've been doing for eight hours a day the last four days. I had a headache all of Tuesday, snuck out of work early to go to the eye doctor. Brand new pair should hopefully arrive tomorrow or Monday. I've decided to get new glasses as well, since I can't even read or watch TV in my old ones any more. I am blind!

Because of the whole 'it is annoying to stare at a computer screen' thing, I've had a good excuse to not do too much work this week. Or do any writing, obviously.

Post about being Sick

2007-09-14T15:35:00.000-05:00

I'm kind of sick this week. Not too bad, just a little under the weather. I haven't been sick since last winter, and this crappy feeling started right on Wednesday when it was delightfully fall-like outside. Certain medical 'experts' I know tell me that the temperature outside has nothing to do with catching a cold, but that's fucking bullshit.

Either way, I'm still going out drinking tonight.

Post about Labor Day Weekend

2007-09-02T21:34:00.000-05:00

First day of off work tomorrow since Friday of Nate-a-pol-ooza in July (maybe I'll devote a separate post to that), and I may be going mini-golfing. That will be the most exciting thing possible. First 48 hours of 3 day weekend have been spent at home, doing virtually nothing. Sure, I had the chance to meet friends out of town, but no car available. Boo. Sure, I asked other friends what they were up to, but most went of town themselves. Sure, I had plans to watch football and hang with someone yesterday, but of course they blew me off for no reason. Right at this second it is 9:42 on Sunday night, here is what I've done this weekend:

-Friday night got Thai takeout (Yellow Curry (medium spicy) with Tofu) and watched an episode of The Wire (more to be written about that show soon enough). I think later on I played a game of Madden 07 and watched Conan.

-Yesterday did some cleaning, watched the Badger football game, took an hour walk, played more Madden, watched The Big Sleep.

-Today I surfed the web, read my first issue of Playboy magazine cover to cover (more on that later for sure), did more cleaning, played more Madden, walked to Walgreens and Aldi's, made my world famous potato-chickpea curry (recipe to follow), watched the movie Brick with director's commentary, talked to parents on phone, wrote crazy blog posts. My finest accomplishment, however, is avoiding going to a wedding/reception, still ongoing, that would surely have been quite painful.

Throughout all this weekend's activity there has been sporadic but relatively constant drinking. Mostly beer, a couple rum and whiskey drinks. Not enough, apparently.

Post about the Grand Canyon

2007-09-02T20:59:00.000-05:00

Short version:

Don't hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and back in July. Or, perhaps, ever.

Long version:

Sure, I have some self-esteem issues. For instance, I always am fixing my hair anytime I catch my reflection. And I hate every picture taken of me. Plus the whole eyebrow issue. And I'm not too smrt. Anyway, in the past I rarely was caught in public wearing sandals or flipflops because I hate my feet. There's too much hair going on, plus a couple ingrown toenails in the late 1990s causing really weird looking toes, with nails that seem too big for the toes with too great of a convexity, causing much pain when stepped on. Lately I have been wondering around in flip-flops in the neighborhood once in a while, but mostly because sometimes it is too hot to give a fuck. But now, post AGC (Anno Grand Canyon), no one should gaze upon my feet with a full stomach. Before July 6th I don't think I ever had a blister on my feet. Maybe once or twice, but obviously nothing memorable. Well, after hiking down to the bottom, I had one dime, two nickel, and one quarter sized blisters. On the way up, the ones on my heel burst (one nickel and one quarter) and were replaced by new, equal size blisters. One on my big toe actually grew a blister on top of another blister. Plus, a day or so later, I notice the nail on my right big toe was half-black from blood underneath, something that still remains nearly two months later.

So, that pretty much sums it up. Oh, the temp at the bottom was 115 degrees in the shade. There was AC in the cabin, luckily. I saw many scorpions under a blacklight. About a mile from the top coming down I twisted my ankle, and about a mile from the top going up I literally wanted to collapse and die. I didn't, in case you were wondering.

Go walk on a treadmill for seven hours at the highest grade while standing next to an open oven. Kind of like that.

Here are some pics. We accidentally took the broken camera, so we didn't have too many in focus. Unfortunately all the pictures of me had my hair looking terrible.

WOW!!!

2007-09-02T20:43:00.000-05:00

I remember the innocent days of sitting down at my computer and just writing and writing, pouring out my most intimate thoughts, feeling a deep sense of accomplishment at the sight of words on a computer screen. What the fuck happened? Sure, it's been nearly two months, but even this whole year has largely been a bust, no 'Greatest Hits' of my blogging career for sure. I don't have an excuse. I might be busier than the first few months of this particular blog, but its not like I'm leading some crazy exciting life over here. I'm not going to offer any excuses, but lately its been kind of intimidating to sit down and start writing, since I have so much ground to cover.

So, instead of writing one massive 5,000 word return to form, I'm going to concentrate on writing short and sweet posts, one subject at a time.

The goal is 30 posts in September. This is #1.

Come fly with me, Fly!!!!!!!

Interview

2007-07-03T22:19:00.000-05:00

Long time, how've you been? I hope to be stricken with the writing bug sometime this summer, despite the fact that my computer is in a room whose temperature flirts with three digits in the summer, not to mention the occasional whiffs of cat poo. This is intended to be one of those quite lengthy, too-much-information, rambling blog posts summing up the last couple months and to provide more insight into the quirky enigma that is me.

The format of this post will be an imaginary interview of me by an unheard interviewer. Yes, this has been done before.

Q.
'Fine, how are you?'

Q.
'That's great. Can I buy you another drink?'

Q.
'Cool. Uh, excuse me... a PBR for me and a [name of some weird tropical girly drink] for her.'

Q.
'No problem.'

Q.
'Yeah, it's great to have a day off tomorrow. I'm actually taking Thursday through Monday off as well this week. You've got to love the two-day work week.'

Q.
'Well, tomorrow I'm just kicking it, I don't know, maybe find someone with a grill or something, but Thursday I'm flying to Arizona and hiking down to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.'

Q.
'Yeah, it should be great. We're flying in to Phoenix, renting a car and driving north, and staying in a hotel right on the rim. Then Friday we're hiking down, Sunday back up. Staying in a cabin for two nights. I'm a little nervous to see how the old knees will hold up. I bought a brace from Walgreens last weekend, hopefully that helps.'

Q.
'Well, I'll have a backpack, but aside from a few clothes and my contact solution and stuff all I plan on carrying will be mostly water. It's going to be insanely hot, most likely. But the 'ranch,' or whatever you call it that's at the bottom provides beds and towels and soap and stuff, plus we paid in advance for the meals. Since all the supplies come from a mule, I guess we have to do that. They do have a place that sells beer there, but God knows how much a bottle costs, not like we can go down the block or anything.'

Q.
'I think it's going to be beef stew or something. I didn't really have any input in planning the trip, I was actually asked by a coworker, and his friend was planning it. So there's going to be ten people in total and I'll know less than half. Also, weirdly, it'll be the first time in nearly a month that I'll have eaten meat.'

Q.
'Well, no, nothing weird like that. It's more of an exploring new options sort of thing. Just got tired of planning meals around the chicken or beef or venison in the center of the plate with everything else an afterthought. We'd been eating a few vegetarian things that we really liked, so we decided to see if we could go a month without resorting to the old standbys.'

Q.
'The tricky thing is that you have to plan your meals a bit better. Sure, there's always spaghetti or something, or frozen veggie burgers (which are disgusting), but usually you have to find recipes and actually cook. I made a couple soups, lentil/spinach and gazpacho, some avocado and black bean tacos, some stir fry with eggplant and tofu, curry potatoes and vegetables (the best thing ever, by the way), and just a lot of things with fresh vegetables. Of course we have a few restaurants nearby who catered to this sort of thing, so a few falafel sandwiches and the like were in the mix as well. It took about a week for my stomach to catch up with the fact that there wasn't going to be 6-8 ounces of meat in the menu, but since then I've been fine.'

Q.
'No, I think I always ate healthy enough. 161 pounds of muscle right here, ha ha ha ha. I think I probably just need to cut down on alcohol and do a few stomach crunches and I'll be fine. I haven't been to the doctor in nearly a decade, so I fucking hope so.'

Q.
'Oh, well, uh, thank you, I'll take that as a complement. Coming from you that means a lot. Hey, excuse me, I'll take a large glass of your cheapest tequila on the rocks, and another refill for her.'

Q.
'Oh no, don't worry about it. I like talking to you. I appreciate that you seem interested in what I have to say.'

Q.
'Otherwise, no, not up to too much lately. The last few weekends have been pretty low key. Went to a few bars, ran a few errands, that sort of thing. Obviously these upcoming few days are going to be crazy, and the rest of the month is going to be pretty busy as well.'

Q.
'Well, uh, the weekend after this is the Pitchfork festival, and then after that is an expedition to FFL Nate's cabin in northern WI, and there's a few concerts to see in between, so I'll hopefully stay out of trouble.'

Q.
'Wow, how'd you know I was a film major? To tell you the truth, not too many new movies lately, Knocked Up was fantastic, but I'm a big Apatow/Freaks and Geeks/Undeclared fan, so my judgement may be skewed.

Q.
'I'll take the rest of that tequila bottle, and a roofie-tini for her. Uh, anyway, what was I saying?'

Q.
'Uh, music yeah, it's going to be a good year, I can feel it, Best of 2007 is off to a pretty good start. New White Stripes is very good, new Spoon (streamable here) is better. New New Pornographers is difficult and questionable so far, may be a dud. A couple other new things that shall remain secrets for now.

Q.
'Not much else is new. Oh, I know, in the last couple hours, since this imaginary conversation began, I got my first professional haircut in exactly one year. It looks OK, I guess. Short enough that I don't have to bother with it unless I need to.'

Q.
'Thanks, yeah, I know it makes me look younger.'

Q.
'Twenty-eight.'

Q.
'Wow, I was going to say that you look older, actually. Maybe because you are so, uh, confident.'

Q.
'No, uh, sorry, I was just, I like your shirt. It's shiny. My eyes, sorry, uh, you know, naturally...'

Q.
'Yes, I do, she's great, I'm sorry if I, uh, offended you.'

Q.
'Wow. I mean seriously, Wow. I'm flattered by the offer, but, I really can't.'

Q.
'I think so. I mean, yes, I'm sure.'

Q.
'Yes, you are very attractive, I know.'

Q.
'I, uh, actually think I'm late for another appointment. It was very nice meeting you.'

Q.
'Uh, yeah, I know it's late, sorry, but I really need to run. See you around.'

As our hero sprints away from the imaginary interviewer, who may be red or dark brown haired, with full lips and perky boobs, he thinks only of the fact that he has neglected his poorly-named blog, which has recently past 10,000 hits without fanfare. 'Soon,' he thinks, 'I will become the blogger that I've always meant to be, and will ascend to the pinnacle that I've always deserved.'

THE END.

Labor Daze

2007-05-24T15:32:00.000-05:00

This was going to originally be some sort of bloggy grab bag, summing up the last month in my effortlessly witty style. I'd touch on such subjects as my 28th birthday, my parents visiting, my adventures at Soundbar with my friend Margot, my new haircut, Mandy's surprising visit to my cubicle yesterday, my plan to become temporarily vegetarian as an experiment, being super excited to see Knocked Up next weekend, and, I don't know, maybe some rant about how all my favorite TV shows always get prematurely cancelled.

But, well, that all seems like a ton of work. And right now WORK is not my strong suit, I'll return to some of those other things in a later issue, perhaps, but right now I can't seem to find the energy.

Now, work. Lately I've tried to avoid writing about this subject, a) because it is boring, b) because no one cares, and c) because I wouldn't want something so cliched as a boss stumbling onto this page and reading this sentence. Until I posted that ridiculous vacation picture I also tried to be strictly anonymous, though if someone was so inclined they could probably track me down and stab me quite easily. Which I wouldn't necessarily mind, I like meeting new people. But, truthfully, the real reason I stopped writing about work has more to do with the fact that I want to give the impression that I do, in fact, have a worthwhile job and I am a hard-working productive member of society, and am not completely miserable career-wise. These impressions would be completely false, obviously, but at the very least I can have an excuse for not writing for a whole month.

My current job: a) has basically run into a dead-end careerwise, since my position probably will be eliminated within a year and there's no clear path from here. b) is soul-suckingly boring, and I have no desire to do it for another year. c) pays the bills.

Logic seems to say I should quit and find something else, which sounds like good advice. But I seriously have no clue about what job I'd actually like to have, I just know I probably won't find it here. Unemployment would be fun for a month, but after that it'll be horrible, just like all the other times. But at least I'll be forced to find something else. Life is short and all that.

Quite the dilemma, I know. I won't bore you to tears any more, but if anyone has a job opening for someone with a liberal arts degree and no experience lemme know.

The Bright Side = Three day weekend!!!!!!

The South Takes What the North Delivers

2007-04-26T20:27:00.000-05:00

900 miles in a car (the 2008 Dodge Avenger at 30 mpg) plus a flight to and back from the coast isn't exactly enviro-friendly, especially after the recent deluge of guilt-creating documentaries I've been watching, but I don't care, I had a great time.

Let's crunch some numbers:

24,5: Amount of bottled beers and bottles of wine, respectively, that were collectively consumed in hotel rooms across the CA coast. Since most days we were so active we had no desire or energy to be out after dinner, San Francisco excepted, we'd typically plan the next day, watch bad cable TV, and drink on the bed during this time. We did stop at a winery at one point, and felt no shame in consuming more than one fancy (read: over $15) bottle of wine using the cheap plastic cups wrapped in plastic in hotel rooms. Also, we didn't have a bottle opener until the end, so most beers were opened using drawer handles and deadbolt locks (with occasionally messy results).

29: Approximate number of 200 mg ibuprofen tablets taken by me. Considering that we probably walked close to two marathons in total, I was surprised that I was able to walk at all after the first day, let alone complete a couple surprisingly difficult hikes. This was a pleasant surprise all around.

2: The number of times we were caught in the rain and soaked to the bone in San Diego on Friday. San Diego! I think it rains like eight days a year there. I was unimpressed by the city in general; downtown is nothing special and the beach is fine but only if yr a surfer. One Positive: Traffic is not a problem.

7: Meals eaten by me that involved fish or seafood. A whole crab, salmon, scallops at a Chinese place, fish tacos (twice), shrimp/scallops with pasta, and sushi. The crab was the only thing which I knew to be fresh, but since I was near water I thought I should be eating seafood.

301: Photographs taken.

42: Price, in dollars, of the cheapest hotel we stayed in, The Silver Surf Motel just south of Hearst Castle in San Simeon. It was also the only one with an indoor pool and hottub. We kept things pretty inexpensive.

2: Parts of my body that are sunburned. My left and right calves only, since this was the only area I forgot to put sunscreen on on Saturday, in which we left SD and drove east to the Anza-Borrego Desert State Park. This was the only day I wore shorts the whole trip, and maybe only the second day I wore sunscreen.

3: Number of Desert Bighorn Sheep, an endangered species, spotted in the desert.

8.5: Hours spent at Disneyland. Not my idea.

8: Approximate hours spent waiting in lines at Disneyland. The worst culprit was the Roger Rabbit ride in Toontown. (I can't believe I typed that sentence). Since Disneyland sucks, we basically did everything M wanted to do by 1 pm, so the rest of the afternoon was going on the second-tier attractions and a couple things a second time. The Roger Rabbit ride looked horrible, but we got in line anyway, stuck between literally 6 screaming kids aged 5 and under and their inadequate parents. Unlike most lines in the park, this one moved incredibly slow, and it took us nearly an hour to get to the front. Then, while about 8 people away from getting it over with, the ride broke down, and a 20-30 minute delay was announced. We didn't stick around, and left Toontown cursing.

1,239: Amount of 'Whoas" and "Wows" spoken by us, mostly in the drive from SF to the end of the Big Sur area. Every corner on Highway 1 seemed to bring postcard views. I think we probably pulled over to take pictures about 25 times as well. Hiking in the Julia Pfeiffer Burns State park contributed a lot of ecstatic noises as well.

All in all, a great trip, we did a lot and saw everything we wanted to. Probably should have spent more time north and less south, but whatever. This kind of trip was the kind I like, I can lay on the beach and do nothing when I'm old and tired.

Other nice thing about vacation was not being woken up by Kim Gordon three times a night. She's at my parents house until they visit on Saturday, so I'm going to plan on enjoy not being bothered the next two nights.

*First picture is me on Alcatraz with SF behind. This was the least hideous picture of me in the bunch, I think. What you don't know is that I'm naked from the waist down. In the picture. And also, right now.

The NFL Draft Preview! or, I am the total package!

2007-04-26T11:07:00.000-05:00

(l,r: Calvin Johnson, Calvin Johnson)

The NFL Draft is completely ridiculous. Not to say that last year when I had cable I didn't watch nearly the entire two-day event. But I've decided it is popular, or at least attracts a lot of attention in the press, for the following reasons:

1. Biggest Football weekend between the Super Bowl and the start of the next season. In fact, the ONLY football weekend between the Super Bowl and the start of preseason/training camp, which is interesting only in finding out which assholes are holding out or reporting late.
2. Hope. No matter how bad your team is, you have a chance to grab the next All-Time Great Player. Odds are slim (I'd say one third of all first round picks are complete busts, and another third merely ordinary), but the fact that there is a chance makes this the best day of the year if you are a Lions or Browns fan. Save your cynicism for every other day.
3. Sports pundits can pretend they know something we don't. Usually everyone on ESPN or sports radio babbles their own opinions that are no more well-informed than the average sports fan. But leading up to the draft they can enlighten us with details of a Division 1-AA player's 40 time and vertical jumps. I think this keeps them from killing themselves for another year.

It's interesting to think that for some of the young athletes getting picked, this weekend it'll be the highlight of their lives. Most won't amount to much, and they'll never be as highly regarded as they were one day at the end of April. Regardless, they will all (at least early rounders) be very rich.

***

Ignore the above lazy writing, what I really want to know is what percentage of the population realized the Calvin Johnson connection early last fall. I'm not bragging here, but simply confessing that when anyone on TV or otherwise talked about the Georgia Tech receiver I got a off-key baritone voice stuck in my head. It's a curse, really, having so much knowledge.

The reason this seems important to me is that for the most part, old chums excluded, most of my Chicago friends fall into one of two camps: sports or arts. As in, I have people that I invited to my fantasy baseball league, and I have people that I go see shows with and borrow books from. These two groups never meet each other, which is weird, since both seem to have heavy drinking in common. This is not to say people in one category have no interest in the other, it's just that they do one thing well and may fall short of the other, like when Bill Simmons tries to recommend music (yikes.) The issue for me, sitting alone in the small intersection of this particular Venn diagram, is that if I talk about music or film with The Sports People, or vice versa, is that I can come across as a condescending jerk. Perhaps because I am, I suppose, but why should I be punished for my unquenchable thirst for knowledge?

I'm kidding. I'm just puzzled why these two categories seem so exclusive from each other. I would think at least that sports is an easier subject to get into, due to the current flood of information across cable and the web, not to mention the perpetual coverage in newspapers going back forever; it's not as if anyone was putting out homemade sports-themed fanzines as a kid. Also, with sports you have more of a multi-generational thing, where a father can educate and pass along his routing interests to the son. (I guess you can have the same thing with arts, particularly literature, but it much more common for a kid to listen to music that his parent's don't understand, right? And most people would rather be taken to a baseball game than to a concert by their parents.). My use of the term 'arts' implies some sort of education, but, literature aside, I'm not really sure if that's the case. (I've probably learned more about film from Roger Ebert than from film classes in college). I do suppose you should enjoy reading though, as there never will be an ESPN for this sort of thing.

I give up, this is going nowhere. Indulge me and give me your thoughts.

Audi 5000

2007-04-13T18:22:00.000-05:00

Thanks to all of you who offered California mixtape suggestions.

I didn't actually use any of them, though, due mostly to laziness. 'California #2' was created using whatever songs I had on my hard drive, most of which had nothing to do with the Golden State but seemed suitable for driving. Some of your collective choices were very inspired, though, so give yourself a pat on the back.

Those of you who suggested the Red Hot Chili Peppers are banned from the blog for one week.

Coming next week: Nothing!

Coming the week after that: Trip wrap-up (Will it be self-deprecating? Tune in and find out!) and possible NFL draft "preview."

Props Vol. 4

2007-04-10T15:30:00.000-05:00

"Props!" is a reoccurring feature on this site that will basically consist of a short list of things that are cool, things that are awesome, things that are recommended, and things that rule. I, therefore, will be giving mad "props" to everything on the list.

1. Saturday Looks Good To Me. I've written about this band many times before, but mostly in terms of 'I saw them for the Xth time and it was awesome' or 'I can believe they aren't more popular.' Well, now I've decided I don't want them to be more popular. I want them to stay the same. I want to not have to worry about getting into their shows, and not worry about having room to dance about. I like buying limited run records directly from the bandleader, and not be afraid to talk to him. I like the people I meet at their shows, and I like that I never get tired of them. I like their songs, and if the rest of the world doesn't, that's their problem.

2. Seared Shrimp. Growing up in a very small town meant any seafood I'd eat at home would be that which our family caught ourselves, meaning fried fish and fried fish only, with occasionally deep-fried and beer-battered fish and sometimes, if we were lucky, frozen breaded shrimp, also deep fried. I began making salmon and tilapia a few years ago, but largely shied away from the more expensive seafood, fearing I'd fuck it up and waste a bunch of money. Well, seared shrimp is easy as balls, aside from the hassle of peeling them. Recipe here. Serve with pasta.

3. Over the air HDTV. My dependable ten-year-old 20" TV died during the NFL playoffs, and I did some research and bought an LCD HDTV two days later. While my choice of TV may be debatable (A few things disappoint me), the fact that I have watched the rest of the playoffs, many many many college basketball games, the Office, and fucking alligators eating antelopes on PBS in High Def all using a $10 cheap antenna is fricking sweet. I may cave and get cable next fall (Damn you, Big Ten Network!), but I said that last summer as well. Granted, having to occasionally get off the couch to adjust rabbit ears is akin to powering your car with your feet, Flintstones-style.

4. Brick. While Netflix has mostly afforded me the luxury of catching up on TV-shows on DVD (Fucking THE WIRE is as good as they say and deserves its own mention), it also has allowed me the chance to watch movies that I ordinarily wouldn't have the time or energy to seek out from a video store. I've caught up on a few old classics and have been unafraid to test out movies I haven't heard too much about. I had heard relatively little about Brick, other that it was described as a neo-noir and generally got positive reviews. I picked a night spent alone to watch it, and I was so impressed that I watched all of the DVD special features and then started the movie over again with director's commentary turned on. I don't want to give much away, not that the plot is the most important thing (and is pretty confusing at first), but it is basically The Maltese Falcon set in a high school, complete with antiquated gumshoe slang and all the stock characters from the genre. I also have decided that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is the best actor around who is younger than me.

5. Proxy Servers. My previous complaints about work internet filters have finally been answered, thanks to websites that access forbidden websites for me. No youtube, but at least I can check daily the roster of The Racing Sausages, my head-to-head fantasy baseball team, currently in first place after one week.

6. Children of Men. Another movie. This one just came out on DVD as well, and I have purchased and watched already. But the real fireworks came when I saw this in a theater a couple months ago. I don't usually go for the bleak, post-apocalyptic thing, but this one completely held my attention for nearly two hours, with some moments so intense (not to mention technically amazing and real-feeling) that I nearly forgot to breathe. Probably best on decent home theatre set-up (the DVD looked good but I don't have any sound system), but definitely worth checking out. Watchability factor is high as well, due to the fact that the movie doesn't hit you over the head with exposition, and prefers to use background imagery to fill in the backstory. I wouldn't classify it as an 'ACTION' movie, but if it were it would be the smartest action movie I've ever seen, and probably was my most satisfying trip to the movie theater in my lifetime.

7. A Spicy Falafel Sandwich and a Large Lentil Soup from Sultan's Market, Chicago. Once again, the small-town factor affects culinary matters, as middle eastern food is something I completely ignored until the last few years. I did go a few times to the mideast restaurant on 55th street (I think) in Hyde Park when I lived there, but nothing compares to having an insanely cheap place (the above costs $6 total) for take-out within a couple blocks from my apartment. My stomach did briefly protest to the strange new combinations of ingredients, not to mention eating an entire meal without any meat that didn't involve pasta, but the taming power of hummus has prevailed.

8. Sexy Librarians. I don't think any explanation is necessary, though I will say that some people's idea of a S.L is to stick a Playboy Playmate in cat-eye glasses. This is not what I have in mind. While the term does refer to particular aesthetic features, ideally it would involve a high level of literacy as well, and I'd like to think I can beat at least a vast majority of Playmates at Scrabble.

We got Deserts, We got Trees, We got the Hills of Beverly

2007-04-09T11:05:00.000-05:00

We're going to California on Saturday for vacation, driving from SF to SD in a hopefully satisfactory rental car. The weather is not going to be as nice as I had hoped; I picture CA, especially the southern half, as some sort of tropical paradise, so I was shocked to learn the avg temp for LA is only in the low to mid 70s, and for some reason SD is even cooler, despite the fact that it is further south. I'll probably go to the beach anyway.

Aside from the first two nights, no hotel reservations are being made and no events are firmly scheduled. We will be spontaneous and play it by ear. Most likely we'll take 3 days to drive from SF to LA, stopping at every chance we get.

Here's where you come in: since there will be a lot of time spent in a rental car, I am making some mix CD's. Last night I finished 'California #1,' which consists of both band/artists from the state and songs about it. I realized that I don't actually have a ton of music from the state. I downloaded some West Coast hiphop and that song from the beginning of the O.C., and had no trouble making a CD, but aside from Pavement and Deerhoof I don't have too much. East Coast rap is so much better!

I didn't save or printout the tracklist, but here's what I have from memory:
California - Phantom Planet (the OC song)
California Dreamin - The Mamas and the Papas
California Love - 2pac
Gin and Juice - Snoop Diggidy Doggy Dogg
Ain't Nothin but a G Thing - Dr. Dre
Going to California - Led Zeppelin
Some Weezer Song
A few pavement Songs
a deerhoof song
a grandaddy song
I get around - Beach Boys
Move to LA - Art Brut
Down South, Ten Hours, I-5 - All Girl Summer Fun Band
Expressway to Yr Skull - Sonic Youth (no idea if this song is about CA, but it is mentioned in the first line, plus it is a good album closer).

There were 5 or 6 other songs too, all really clever ones I'm sure, but I can't remember any at the moment.

Obviously I already have the obvious choices, but I'm going to make another CA themed CD and need some ideas. Death Cab is not allowed, this is for driving, after all. And whoever suggests 'Hotel California' is banned from the blog. So far all I have that isn't on the first CD is the Flying Burrito Bros. Oh, and the Minutemen, too, I just thought of that. I think I need some L.A. punk music but I'm actually not sure where to start there. Please leave your suggestions in the comments, along with any tips for things to do and places to go along the way.

I AM A FRIEND TO ALL THE PEOPLES OF THE WORLD!

2007-03-14T22:09:00.000-05:00

Last Thursday after our weekly work happy hour, which I've dubbed THE BOMB SQUAD (don't ask), I made what I believe was a brief error in judgment. We were at the bar from 5:30 to 11:30, drinking slowly and steadily. Afterwards I walked six blocks to catch the N--- Avenue bus which would take me home. Unfortunately a bus drove past just before I got there, so I had to wait. I waited and waited, alone at the bus stop, with no oncoming bus in sight. I was there maybe 20 minutes, maybe 15, maybe just 10. My concept of time was distorted because my iPod battery was dead, so I was stuck listening to traffic. I thought briefly about hailing a cab, but I'm kinda cheap and had already dropped a Jackson on cheap beers and snacks.

Out of the black a car, mid-size sedan, not too old, pulls up to the curb. I am the only one there. The driver rolls down his passenger side window and says, "Are you waiting for the bus?"

I say, "Yeah."

"Where you going?" asks the driver.

"Uh, just down to D--- Ave, just a mile or so down the road," I say. I actually had to go a few blocks further.

"I'll take you there for two dollars," he says.

Sometimes when you make a decision you have plenty of time to think about it. You can weigh the pros and cons, make lists and check them twice if not three times, and generally have the patience to feel comfortable with your decision.

This was not one of those times. I made my decision in about two seconds, with a brain that was busy dealing with the effects of 8 to 10 beers.

Thought process = "Boy, I am tired of waiting for the bus which I still don't see. I wonder how much longer I'd have to wait. I should get home, I'm probably already in trouble for being home so late. What's the worst that could happen if I get into a car with a strange man? Robbed? Whatever, I don't even have much cash. Plus, I'm not one of those people who lives in fear, right? Not even if the driver of the car is black... Oops, was that racist? I am a racist for thinking that? If I decline this ride does that mean I'm racist? Am I a bigot? No, of course not. I am color-blind. I am a friend to all races."

"Sure," I say. Ha, would a racist say that? No way!

So I get in the car. The driver speeds off.

Immediately I regret the decision. This guy is going to take a sharp right turn into an alley and rob me and beat me up and leave me for dead. Or there could be another dude in the backseat that I never saw who's going to strangle me from behind. I check the passenger side door; it is locked. Maybe this dude has the car rigged so I won't be able to get out. You should know that I would have been just as spooked if the driver was white, or latino, or asian, or whatever. ME = Not a Racist.

The driver, who never tells me his name, immediately begins a tale of woe, about how he's from Atlanta and came up here, but his girlfriend left him and now he doesn't have any MONEY to get home, and he's trying to figure shit out but things are ROUGH. Then his car beeps, as in the 'low fuel' beep, and he says, "Oh, hang in there, baby, I'm going to take care of you real soon." There was a hip-hop CD on the stereo which sounded good at the time, but I never got the nerve to ask who it was. I was busy agreeing with him that his story was sad. "Aw, shit, that's cold, dude."

The driver asks me, "You been drinking tonight? You drunk?" which I took to mean as "How easy is it going to be for me to rob you?"

"A little bit," I say. "Just a few, after work." Gulp.

We get to the major intersection where I had been planning the drop off (not next to my apartment, lots of witnesses). I say, "Pull over right here, man." He asks if he should turn down a street and take me to my door, but I tell him, no, no, I'm right here, that's cool. He stops the car, I open the door, put one foot outside, then give him five bucks. He asks for two more, and I say, "You said two dollars, man. Five's a whole lot better than two." I get out, shut the door, and walk on my merry way. THE END. Nothing bad happens. I am alive. Hurray! And certainly have no racial biases.

I Can't Ever Sleep

2007-03-07T22:30:00.000-06:00

I apologize for the posting delay, there are a few things in the works that I haven't quite been able to finish, including a long-overdue edition of "Props," and I've been busy at home and semi-busy at work, so that doesn't leave much time. I have about 15 minutes to spare right now, so lets see how much shit I can come up with in that time...

***

Last Nine Netflix Movies Viewed:
1-3. Angel, Season 4, Disc 3-5 (TV Series)
4. The Science of Sleep, Michel Gondry, 2006
5-6. The Wire, Season 1, Disc 3-4 (TV Series)
7. An Inconvenient Truth, Davis Guggenheim, 2006
8. A Scanner Darkly, Richard Linklater, 2006
9. Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, Danny Leiner, 2004

Last Five Books Read or Currently Reading:
1. Baseball Between the Numbers, 2006, The Baseball Prospectus Team of Experts
2. What is the What, 2006, Dave Eggers
3. Laughter in the Dark (fka Kamera Obscura), 1938, Vladimir Nabokov
4. Blink, 2004, Malcolm Gladwell
5. Special Topics in Calamity Physics, 2006, Marisha Pessl

Last Five Albums Purchased:
1. Super ae, The Boredoms (1998), CD, purchased 2/26/07
2. The Man, The King, The Girl, Deerhoof (1997), CD, purchased 2/26/07
3. Green Mansions, Saturday Looks Good to Me (2007), One-sided vinyl LP (#6 out of just 300), purchased 2/24/07
4. Fishscale, Ghostface Killah (2006), CD, purchased approx. 2/11/07
5. Halfbird, Deerhoof (2001), CD, purchased 1/27/07

Uh, well, my time seems to be up, so that's that. More to follow soon.

The Worst Movies of All Time*

2007-02-15T22:07:00.000-06:00

*Obviously I have not seen every movie ever made, but I have seen plenty. To narrow down the field even further, however, these are all the worst movies I've seen AT THE THEATRE. Therefore, I can escape providing any worthwhile analysis of these films, but instead provide worthless anecdotes from my younger years. These are in no particular order. Enjoy!

Links for each movie are to their IMDB page

1. Down Periscope (1996)- This gem, starring Kelsey "Frasier" Grammer, illustrated life on board a wacky submarine. As one of the first and only films in the "Submarine Comedy" genre, it obviously had a lifetime's worth of classic submarine jokes to work with. Unfortunately, there are zero classic submarine jokes.

2. Independence Day (1996)- In the summer of 1996 I was 17 years old, and loved this movie. Loved it so much that I saw it twice, once with a (now long lost) friend and once with my family. "It's the greatest science-fiction movie since Star Wars!" I bragged at the time. GUESS WHAT? All 17-year-olds are fucking idiots.

3. Godzilla (1998)- This movie was a flop through and through, but of course I was still dumb enough to watch it. As the closing credits rolled, my friends and I all knew that we had wasted our precious money. The fact that the credits were accompanies by a Puff Daddy bastardization of a Led Zeppelin song just rubbed salt in our wounds.

4. Twins (1988)- This was the first PG-13 movie I ever saw in the theatre (if at all), courtesy of my parents. I know this is a decision every parent must make at one point or another: When to defy the MPAA. I'm sure my parents were thinking: "Hey, it's a comedy, the commercials look funny, how bad could it be?" Today I am a horrible human being, and I blame my parents 100%.

5. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)- I know this one gets load of critical acclaim and high ratings, and I was greatly anticipating it. I had read the books as a young teen, and had convinced my family to make it our annual 'Xmas Movie.' Perhaps it was the particular theatre we were in, but by the time the movie finished I was tired and sore. 3 incredibly boring hours in theatre seats = approx four minutes of ass rape.

6. Chicago (2002)- I was never one for musicals, and this wasn't my choice. Of course there was a girl involved, so I patiently sat through the movie, which I hated. I also had a bad sore throat at the time, one which would later reemerge every month for the entire spring/summer of 2003. After the movie, while in the hot darkness of the girl's bed/futon, I told her she made me happy. A minute later I was dumped.

7. Fantasia (1940)- I'm not positive how old I was when my parents took us to see this at the theatre, perhaps 6 or 7. Parents thought: "Hey, it is Disney, fucking Mickey Mouse, the kids will love it." My dim memories recall being bored, and then my parents putting on my coat halfway though, going to the lobby, and demanding their money back.

8. Firestorm (1998)- I saw this one during winter break of my freshman year in college, because of boredom and the fact that an object of my affection was coming along. Life Lesson #4867: No matter what the intentions of a then-romantic 18-year-old, a Howie Long starring role will crush all hopes and dreams.

9. Turner and Hooch (1989)- Tom Hanks + Slobbery Dog = Comedy GOLD, you say. I would normally agree. The occasion of seeing this movie coincided with my best friend at the time's 10th birthday party. We, along with a half dozen other children, went to the movie together, which was to be the first in a series of fun activities (the others involved hot dogs, baseball, a sleepover, Nintendo, and whatever else 10-yr-olds do.). However just before the end of the movie I puked all over myself and theatre seat. The theatre was gracious enough to lend me a large paper tub, usually reserved for overpriced popcorn, so that I could feverishly sit in the passenger seat of my best friend's mom's stationwagon, with my friends playing in the backseats, and be driven home without defiling the automobile.

10. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze (1991)- I saw this movie while on a "Youth Group" trip to the local (i.e. 45 minutes drive away) mall as a 6th grader. Somehow yours truly, never one to hold any great influence or popularity, convinced no less than four other kids to see this movie with me. (I think one of my persuasive arguments was "Vanilla Ice is in it!") One of these people was my sixth grade and first ever girlfriend, named Kandi. "Girlfriend" at the time was a term without a real solid definition. I do remember sometime during the later half of the horrible movie I finally mustered enough courage to try and hold her hand. Being the gentlemen that I was, both then and now, instead of simply firmly grabbing her hand in mine I choose to slightly stroke the top of her hand with my fingertips. This tactic produced a reaction similar to when a small spider crawls across your skin, so she (now) understandably jerked her entire arm away with the maximum force possible. Our relationship was never quite the same. This left quite an impression on me, as I didn't attempt to touch another woman with the same intentions or optimism until roughly seven years later.

Food Finale: Tuesday

2007-02-14T10:03:00.000-06:00

Well, this was the last day of recording my food and alcohol consumption. Today was another pretty normal day, save for the beers and snacks, which were a result of getting out of work 45 minutes early and choosing to go to bar instead of home. Dinner was almost exclusively from Trader Joe's, which doesn't represent my normal eating habits.

Food:

Two S’mores-flavored Pop Tarts
One cup green tea
One smoked turkey lunchmeat sandwich with yellow mustard on Whole Wheat bread
One fat free Key Lime Yogurt
One kiwi
One small leftover salad featuring spinach and mushrooms and some other weird things
Medium-sized bowl of popcorn
Very small bowl of kettle chips
One salmon patty (baked in toaster over) on a whole wheat bun with spicy mustard AND salsa.
Small serving of homemade apple sauce
Small serving of penne with eggplant and mushrooms (from frozen package)
A few Reece’s Pieces

Alcohol:

Two bottles of Miller Genuine Draft
Two Bourbons on the rocks

****

So, what have I learned? Nothing. My lunches are boring (though a usual weekly sample would have some over-priced cafeteria food or some other work lunch out) and I can make a decent dinner if I have the time and energy. I also drink too much. It should also be noted that for the entire week I was eating dinner with M, so I didn't have a chance to be on my own and lazy. Overall though, hopefully I can avoid laziness and eat more vegetables and all of these things.

I do apologize for wasting everyone's time. The exercise was largely self-indulgent and should have been done privately. If you have comments, feel free to leave them. Non-food related posting shall resume tomorrow.

Food: Monday

2007-02-13T13:42:00.000-06:00

Another boring food day, as I had 'the usual' for lunch and leftovers again for dinner. Complete lack of vegetables is disturbing. Beginning today I have switched to a new kind of bread; one without any weird preservatives or, apparently, taste. Also, our endless supply of "Curry Beef" has finally been exhausted, so look for something new for dinner tomorrow.

Food:

One smoked turkey lunchmeat sandwich with yellow mustard on Whole Wheat bread
One fat free Black Cherry Yogurt
One apple
One kiwi
3 oz baby carrots
Two individually wrapped packs of Keebler club crackers and cheese
One Nature Valley ‘Sweet n Salty Nut: Cashew’ snack bar
One large bowl of “Curry Beef” with white rice
16 oz glass of Low Sodium V-8
One small piece of chocolate shaped like a race car.
A few Reece's Pieces.

Alcohol:

Two Sidecars.

Food: Sunday

2007-02-12T10:48:00.000-06:00

Today was a lazy day, leftovers for dinner plus whatever else I could find for lunch. In retrospect, I probably could have done without that last drink.

Food:

16 oz glass of orange juice
One bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats with 1% milk
4 oz of apple juice
Large romaine lettuce salad, with one tomato, feta cheese, and Newman’s Own Light Raspberry Walnut dressing
One cob of corn, with ICBINB and salt
One large bowl of “Curry Beef” with rice
Four “mini” whole wheat pita pockets with Chipotle Pepper Hummus

Alcohol:

Two Caipirinhas
Two Bourbons on the rocks

Food: Saturday

2007-02-11T10:21:00.000-06:00

Okay, any chance of this experiment accurately resembling what my typical diet is can be thrown out the window right now. This morning we went grocery shopping at 'Trader Joes' for the first time, buying a ton of things that possibly are healthy. Maybe if I keep writing down my food intake, even if it's not to be published for as many as 9 people to peruse, I will eat so healthy that I'll live forever. Today, however, we made crockpot full of meat.

Food:

20 oz glass of orange juice (from concentrate)
One Kiwi
One large blueberry-raspberry bran muffin with ICBINB
Eight Pieces ‘Low-Fat’ California Roll from Trader Joes with Wasabi and Ginger
3 oz Safeway Frozen Stir Fry vegetables microwaved and lightly salted.
Two large servings of “Curry Beef”: beef, potatoes, carrots, onions, tomatoes w/ Curry seasoning and hot sauce, made in crock pot.
Two servings of plain white rice

Alcohol:

½ bottle of wine: Charles Shaw Shiraz

Food: Friday

2007-02-11T10:18:00.000-06:00

Today was a bit of an anomaly, as we went out for dinner. I was stuffed afterwards. Crab Cake Tater Tots are the best thing ever.

Food:

Two S’mores-flavored Pop Tarts
Two Cup Green Tea
One smoked turkey lunchmeat sandwich with yellow mustard on 100% Whole grain bread
One Strawberry Flavored Yogurt
One apple
One Kiwi
One generous handful dried apricots
½ Order of Crab Cake Tater Tots from Blue Line Club Car Restaurant
One house salad with Italian dressing from B.L.C.C.
8 oz Yellow Fin Blackened Tuna with Cajun Spices from BLCC
One small portion mashed potatoes from BLCC
One small portion steamed broccoli from BLCC

Alcohol:

One 22 oz bottle of Fat Tire Ale
Approx One Shot of Brandy

Food: Thursday

2007-02-09T15:21:00.000-06:00

So, usually I eat two sandwiches for lunch, so maybe this whole full-disclosure thing has gotten to me. But, as I mentioned before, that NYT article kind of spooked me too, so I've been being more self-conscious for the last couple weeks. Yesterday I was starving when I left work, but after dinner I felt no need to snack. Anyway, here's Thursday's food (listed in mostly chronological order, save for the green tea, one cup of which I had in the morning in order to warm up after being stuck outside waiting for the train for 40 minutes, and the other when I arrived home, just before I started cooking dinner.):

Food:

One individually wrapped pack of Keebler club crackers and cheese
One Nature Valley ‘Sweet n Salty Nut: Cashew’ snack bar
Two cups green tea
One smoked turkey lunchmeat sandwich with yellow mustard on 100% Whole grain bread
One apricot-mango flavored yogurt
One apple
½ of an orange (it was gross)
One handful raisins
8 oz venison steak, cut into small pieces, dredged in flour, and fried in vegetable oil, served with ketchup
10 oz Safeway Frozen Stir Fry vegetables (asparagus, beans, carrots, squash, mushrooms, onions, celery, cauliflower), microwaved and lightly salted.
One piece 100% Whole grain bread, topped with I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Light.

Alcohol:

One Sidecar
One Bourbon on the rocks.

Food: Should Your Children be Eating It?

2007-02-08T16:30:00.000-06:00

A little less than two weekends ago I came across an essay called 'Unhappy Meals' in the NYT Sunday Magazine. (It is no longer available for free at the NYT website, but now you can find it here.) It is very long but worth reading; if you are illiterate there is a basic summary at the end.

When it comes to food I'm generally semi-healthy, at least compared to the national average: I rarely buy snacks, I try to eat balanced meals, I look at the 'nutritional info' of just about everything I buy. Sure, there are days which a frozen pizza or can of Chunky Soup is the majority of my dinner, (not to mention the constant heavy consumption of alcohol), but by and large I don't do too badly. There is room for improvement, more fresh veggies would be welcome, and I consume too many processed foods. The aforementioned article kind of scared me, however. I mean, I may eat my lunch sandwiches on 100% Whole Grain Bread, but it is bread that has about 50 ingredients I can't pronounce and has been made in a factory by bread-making robots as opposed to by a jolly baker with a mustache.

I've always thought that it is increasingly difficult to eat healthily, or to be healthier in general, a) the poorer you are, and b) the lazier you are. While my salary isn't giant by any means, I don't have whiny kids to support, and generally can buy what I want (though I am always looking for sales; I don't think I've ever purchased meat that wasn't on sale). As far a laziness goes, well, obviously some of that is in play. Some of it is laziness in cooking, though usually I try to make a game effort. More of the laziness should be attributed to my shopping habits, which are rather infrequent. There isn't a grocery store (besides Aldi's) within walking distance, which means there isn't a shopping trip consisting of picking up a few things for dinner, there are only infrequent shopping trips to the Dominick's nearly two miles away consisting of filling a shopping cart to the top and spending $100-$175 dollars (depending on alcohol purchases). When our food supply begins to dwindle, or at least the exciting things we bought at the store are gone, and we are left with some frozen meat in the freezer and whatever else has been sitting in cupboards for the last six months things get a bit harder, and I'd like to think that, if the Aldi's was replaced by a locally grown produce market, I'd be eating a lot healthier.

Anyway, in order to waste everyone's time, I've decided to document my eating habits for the next week. I will be honest, and I'll try not to let my full disclosure influence any of my food or alcohol enjoyment (though I may hesitate when drinking vermouth straight from the bottle at 2 am). I'll try to include everything except water (which I usually drink about 24-40 oz of a day during the work week, and usually slightly less on weekends) because it is not worth mentioning. I'm not going to be overly precise, but still as accurate as possible.

Because I have a good memory, and in order to get this week over with a day earlier, I'll begin by listing yesterday's consumption. I've included 'Drink' with Food, but kept Alcohol separate. I'm not sure why.

So, here goes:

Wednesday, Feb. 7
Food:
Two servings of peaches & cream instant oatmeal
One cup green tea
Two individually wrapped packs of Keebler club crackers and cheese
One smoked turkey lunchmeat sandwich with Miracle Whip Light on 100% Whole grain bread
One low fat Strawberry-Banana Yogurt
One kiwi
One apple
One handful of dried apricots
Approx. 4 oz Low Sodium V8
About a dozen sesame-flavored crackers topped liberally with Brie cheese
One Falafel sandwich (spicy) from Sultan’s Market
One Large Bowl of Lentil Soup from Sultan’s Market

Alcohol:
Two sidecars (brandy, triple sec, and lime juice)

Choo Choo Choo Choo Beep Beep

2007-01-23T21:50:00.000-06:00

For the 8 people (not sure how many of them (4, I think) read this) that received my best of 2006 compilation CD (so far; I ran out of CD cases and haven't made the rest), I didn't have much space to expand my usual wordy, unnecessary, if not blogalicious liner notes, so I'd like to use this virtual space to get at least one point across.

Deerhoof is a great band. They are not a consistent band. They are not a reliable band. They aren't predictable; coming through as usual when you need them. No, they are the girl who loves you one minute and can't be bothered the next, the FFL who suddenly blows you off and doesn't speak to you for months despite the fact that it is a major seasonal sporting event; I first heard of them a few years ago, first listened to them two years ago, saw them live at the first Intonation fest ("curated" by Pitchfork) about 18 months ago and wasn't too affected at all (though I was suffering from major allergy attacks). I gave them a chance but wasn't satisfied. But then, nearly randomly, after reading an article in some mainstream newspaper a year later how they turned down a corporation who wanted to use their song "Twin Killers" in a shoe commercial, I gave them another chance. Soon enough I was acting like I was in college again, buying and/or downloading every album by the band, listening to them much more than usual. They are difficult, only because they are unpredictable, a 30-second song sample is not enough to gage the full effect. Oddly enough, M, who, as I've mentioned before, loves the samey safe quality of B&S and the Shins and Owen and everything else that's quiet and pleasant and love-lorn-sounding, had no objection to my constant blaring of their CDs.

I've been so bored of indie-rock and anything associated with it lately, it takes more than a few chords and some off-key vocals to get me excited. Deerhoof are both "cute" and bombastic, loud and soft, pop and noise.

By the way, I should mention that the band has been around for more than ten years, and therefore is part of my previously discussed theory that a band shouldn't exist for more than ten years unless there is a married couple involved. And there fucking IS a married couple involved! So there! So on Saturday I've seeing them live for the first time since I've fallen in love with them. They are officially among my favorite bands, along with Saturday Looks Good to Me and Spoon, and I can't wait for the show this Saturday. If you are anyone who's anyone, you should be there too.

MP3's:

+81, (Right click and save), from their recently released Friend Opportunity.

By the way, Ticketmaster fees are ridiculous. I mean, COME ON.

Top Five things wrong with this blog

2007-01-10T11:24:00.000-06:00

1. The reported ugly-ness of this blog. I switched to the 'beta' version of blogger, which was supposed to make it easier to create a layout, which instead has made everything worse than before. Updates don't show up, everything loads slow. I can't even pick colors that don't induce vomiting. Nerds, please assist!

2. Lack of posts. Seriously. My goal is 100 posts for 2007. That doesn't seem too hard. Maybe it should be 125? Yes, 125 posts it shall be. This is number 2. 123 to go.

3. Too much dependence on the 'list' format for posts. Just write a fucking paragraph already, Rob Fleming.

4. Lack of comments. Possibly related to item #2.

5. Lack of hot pictures of babes. This shall be remedied soon. Furthermore, if you are a babe and want your picture on this website, please email it to me. Also, if you don't have any pictures, I do have a camera.

The Greatest

2007-01-10T10:56:00.000-06:00

Did anyone hear how Greg Oden and the Ohio State Buckeyes lost a basketball game last night. Reportedly, it was to a rival squadron in the same conference.

If you check out any major sports newspaper or website, you'll see how the valient Buckeyes turned a near-blowout into a close game in the final minute, nearly pulling off a chance to maybe be able to secure a stunning road victory, by playing like a 15th seed in the final minute of an NCAA tourney game (foul and launch threes). Oden, when not being completely shut down by force-to-be-reckoned-with Jason Chappell, apparently dominated the game by dunking the ball twice. Wow, what a fucking superstar. One could only shudder to think at the superlatives that would be flying around if Ohio State had actually won the game, instead of still searching for a single quality win.

Rumor has it that the team that Ohio State nearly had a chance to take to overtime was actually rated #3 in the country in a survey of some sort. I'm not sure how accurate these reports are, since every article accompanying the story shows the above picture (tears, caption and Oden snot bubble added by me).

A -----> Z

2006-12-09T22:51:00.000-06:00

A is for Absent, which I have been for the past month. I apologize. No excuses (except my cat totally attacks the computer screen every time I sit down at my desk. She has recently noticed the mouse pointer.)

B is for Binge Drinking, which I haven't done since November 18. That day I met a friend 'for a few drinks' around 9 pm, and then, yadda yadda yadda, I was stumbling home at six in the morning. My hangover didn't hit until 7 pm at night the next day. I called in sick to work the day after that. Stomach pains subsided about four days later, just in time for Thanksgiving.

C is for Colbert, Stephen. Though I've long ago said 'Farewell!' to cable television, despite this show (and college basketball... I had to go to a sportsbar this afternoon to watch UW beat Marquette (and have to deal with M cheering against me)), I still watch some clips online, and try to stay on top of things in the Colbert-o-verse. His new feud with the Decemberists will prove to be very entertaining, I think.

D is for The Departed. I had secretly given up on Scorcese over the last few movies, and regarding any hype surrounding his movies (Gangs of New York, anyone?) as pure historical hyperbole. So I went to see this with very modest expectations, and was blown away. Only flaw was too much Jack Nicholson, which I'll concede is not a flaw for most movie-goers. It's as violent as you'd expect, I had the urge to get in a fight for about two hours afterwards.

E is for Electro-pop Music. Is it me, or is every other acclaimed record this year belonging to this genre? I don't despite drum machines, or bleeps and blips, but for some reason recently my patience has been wearing thin. I'm trying to compile my Best of 2006 CD, and if what I'm hearing isn't this type of music (a 'type' under which I'll include the Knife, Junior Boys, CSS) its instead hyperliterate NPR-rock or lush twee. Since my plan was to concentrate on noisy rock n' roll extensively, it is kind of frustrating sometimes.

F is for Fantasy Football, which sucks. I scored the second most points in my league but won't even make the playoffs due to bad luck and bad matchups. And I don't even have any fantasy studs (a phrase I may regret typing), it has been all skill to make vodka lemonade from lemons and potatoes.

G is for Gifts. I haven't started Xmas shopping yet, and don't even know what I'm getting anyone. Considering we are heading north around Dec. 21, this doesn't leave too much time at all. As you know I hate shopping, hopefully I can avoid stepping foot in a mall this year. We'll see.

H is for Heat, which is on in my apartment. We have radiators, all but two of which I can't control. Over the last two months the heat has been on, but at a reasonable level, I'm certainly a person who would rather have it cooler than hotter, and though it was sometimes too cold for just a t-shirt, it was great for sleeping. However, since last week, the heat was suddenly ratcheted up a notch, now going non-stop, and even heating the two radiators (bedroom and dining/music/dancing room) that I had turned off. It is crazy hot. I may have to open windows if this shit keeps up.

I is for Investigative Reporter Carl Monday. For anyone who reads the great Deadspin blog, this is old news, but if you don't, he's worth looking up. Anyone who rose to notoriaty busting library masturbators and was eventually immortalized by The Daily Show is alright in my book. And then there is this, which is both funny and horrifying on so many levels. Giggles!

J is for Juris Doctors being all shot up. Yesterday some crazy nut who invented a toilet to be used in trucks shot and killed three patent lawyers who apparently had wronged him before he was taken out, SWAT-style. This happened about a mile from where I work. I only know one patent lawyer, and I can rest easy knowing that if a crazy man carrying a gun, knife, and hammer tried to enact some form of perverted vengence upon him, he would likely hurl his blackberry-type communications device with such a velocity that the crazy inventor guy would have no chance. The assailant would also, most likely, be billed for the hour.

K is for Kim Gordon the Cat, who is less violent lately but still a pain in the ass. She now enjoys diving into the bathroom garbage can and taking out all the used Q-tips and chewing on them. WTF?

L is for Lexus commercials, which are now a holiday fixture. Am I the only one who gets extremely angry at these ads? Oh, gee, your husband is such a sweetheart, he bought you a fucking luxury car with a giant bow on it! Lucky you, trophy wife! Next year's Xmas gift: Botox Gift Certs! Also, that new Lincoln commercial where the dude goes "to work," drives his fucking Lincoln around the block, then goes back to his house where his wife is suddenly his secretary and his kid his junior partner, as he sits at his desk with the big hi-def TV in the background tuned to the business channel. What a fucking asshole. I'm positive whatever company this dude works for just laid off 12% their workforce, just in time for the holidays.

M is for Minneapolis, which is where I will be on New Year's Eve (despite the fact that it is M's birthday). I'm very excited for this. It's been 3 years since I was rocking out there on nye. The last two years have sucked so bad that I'm going to desperately have to make up for lost time.

N is for Noise, the genre of music that has both intrigued and frightened me over the last few months. When does music stop being music and turn into an art project? I've been listening to the Boredoms for awhile, who certainly have musical merit, but lately have been checking out Wolf Eyes and Merzbow and others, trying to wrap my head around the concept. I was planning to go to a Wolf Eyes show the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, but was still suffering from the binge drinking the Saturday before (see B), and wasn't feeling like a mile walk to the Empty Bottle. I kinda regret it, as I hear that live it is supposed to be some sort of amazing experience.

O is for Oranges. It's Clementine season, bitches, get on the train if you haven't already. So delicious, so juicy, so easy to peel! (this was actually the last letter I completed... which is why I'm writing about oranges, I can't think of anything else.)

P is for Potter, Harry, who was present at a certain Halloween party. See photo for the most sober version:

Q is for Q, the inventor dude from the James Bond movies. Q is not featured in the newest Bond movie, Casino Royale, along with many other campy features of the series, which is a welcome change in my opinion. We saw this last weekend, and I enjoyed it. I actually read the original Ian Fleming novel many years ago, but had forgotten most plot points. Recommended.

R is for Resident Holiday Party for U of C Pediatrics, which I attended for the third consecutive year last night. Without the ladies of Filterless, who may or may not excuse my absence from Fancington Hors d'Oeuvres the week before, it was sure to be a disappointment, and aside from the delightful potato-bacon roll things it mostly was. Several New Castles and a frightening amount of beard/wardrobe/dancing compliments made it manageable. Still unimpressed with M's drinking ability, or lack there-of.

S is for shaving, which I haven't done since Oct. 31 (see pic above). Beard will remain until at least January. I'm in a beard contest at work which rewards longevity, but unlike the only other remaining competitor, I've chosen to not try sculpting into some vaguely professional shape. Also haven't had a haircut since July, which is par for the course I guess. I enjoy going to work looking rather different than others.

T is for Television. I still have the 20" TV my parents bought my for high school graduation/18th birthday nine and half years ago. It sucks. I'm pricing more modern TVs, but not sure if it's worth it without cable, plus living room is currently pretty small. But still, this is crazy, people have bigger computer monitors these days.

U is for Unemployment, which for me is both a fear and a fantasy. Do most people feel the same way?

V is for Velvet Underground, whose rare early recording just sold for north of $150,000 on ebay. Jesus! I like this band as much as anyone, but this is kind of ridiculous. Buying this doesn't give anyone license to reproduce and sell it, plus I hear there is already a digital reproduction floating around. You can't actually play it on your turntable, because you'd be risking damaging it. So, um, what's the point? The thing is, if I was the person who found this for 75 cents, I'd probably play it at home a few times, admit that the real record was better, and leave it piled up next to my SLGTM and Johnny Cash records, which sometimes the cat walks across.

W is for Wii, the new video game system from Nintendo, which I have recently purchased. I've pretty much ignored the concept of video games in the last 4-5 years, but for some reason felt compelled to return to the medium. It is hella-fun so far, except for my case of Wii Tennis Elbow.

X is for Xenophobic (Slim Pickings with this letter, obvs). That new Duncan Donuts commercial is all like: "We're in America, lets order our coffee in fucking English." Sort of makes me feel slightly uncomfortable. Despite the positive results of the last election, most state referendums make me cringe. The whole "English is official language of Arizona" shit isn't too catastrophic, but still seems unnecessary.

Y is for Young@Heart, the elderly choir who sings modern music. This clip is the greatest thing I've seen all week.

Z is for Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...... it's Saturday night, no one wants to hang out, time to go to sleep (plus I couldn't think of anything else that started with 'Z' except for Zebra or Zima.)

2006-11-09T22:09:00.000-06:00

So two days ago on Election Night I was at this very computer and constantly refreshing the vote totals, IMing FFL Nate and at the very same time keeping a sort of 'live blog' of my thoughts. Since this began at about 11:30 pm when I had already consumed a couple nervous glasses of bourbon it was all very entertaining. Unfortunately sometime around 1:35 am and more bourbon later my constant refreshing of CNN.com resulted in internet explorer crashing violently, taking all of my election-night musings with it. So, mourn for my drunken political wit, America.

Since this was the first election since I've been at voting age where nearly everything has gone as I had hoped, it felt weird and strange. Usually the Wednesday after the first Monday of November in even numbered years is filled with depression and outrage and stomach pains (check early Nov 04 archive for details.) But this time everything went from mild excitement to mild high fives to mild handjobs for everyone. Green party governor candidate in IL got 11%, which is great, but otherwise my particular vote didn't count for much (House Rep won 86-14%). But seeing my hometown district go Dem and various bigots taking the fall (see hilarious Santorum family picture) was exhilarating. My hangover on Wednesday was epic, but it was all worth it. '08 seems almost too close, and I have no idea what is going to happen.

Otherwise not much else is new. Borat is as funny as everyone says, especially in a full theatre, and especially if you haven't seen the Ali G show or any youtube clips. Medical Halloween party was OK thanks to SEVEN Jack and Cokes, pictures may be coming eventually. Since then I haven't shaved a bit and everything itches something fierce. Time that should be spent reading or writing has been spent drinking with friends. Expect me to go straight-edge soon and get down to brass tacks.

WORD.

Gillyweed may be innocuous, but boomslang skin? Lacewing flies? You and your little friends are brewing Polyjuice Potion!

2006-10-31T16:32:00.000-06:00

Though Halloween has long been, with Thanksgiving, in my top two annual holidays (there is candy for the kids, booze and slutty nurses/policewomen/pumpkins/prostitutes for the grown-ups), I haven't had much chance to participate the last few years since I've moved to the city. This year, however, I'll be attending the annual medical resident Halloween party for the first time. Obviously there is nothing better than hanging out with hundreds of doctors whom I don't know (and I'm fearing my closest allies, the ladies of Filterless, won't be attending this year), but the free food and open bar should help. I'm guessing tomorrow's hangover is going to be frightful, as nothing causes me to drink faster than standing awkwardly in between stilted small-talk conversations with people whose names I don't know. Yay, parties!

Unfortunately, unlike every Halloween party ever since the beginning of time, this party has a mandatory costume theme of 'children's book characters,' which kind of takes the fun out of it, and also made it excruciating to get a costume together. Also, how many variations of 'Slutty Little Bo Peep' and 'Slutty Red Riding Hood' can there be? Not enough, my friends, not enough. As for your humble narrator, I will be donning round glasses, scarf, and wizards' robes (aka used graduation gown from thrift store) in a half-assed attempt to be harry potter. Pictures may be forthcoming, if they don't make me look weird.

If you are a gambler, the over/under on number of times I ask a woman if she wants to see my 'Magic Wand' is six and a half.

...and Boom goes the Dynamite.

2006-10-25T22:27:00.000-05:00

Drinking: Bottle of Shiraz, which went, from glass to glass, as being "meh", "okay", "awesome", "transplendant", and "Motherfucking Awesome!" as I finished the bottle. Also the rest of the gin mixed with Rose's Sweetened Lime Juice to make a gimlet (serve in used red wine glass). There is no more alcohol in the house.

Eating: Two venison sausage sticks, and then Jack's frozen cheese pizza with fresh spinach and sliced garlic on top. Delish.

Buying: Lots of drinks and lunches lately, plus yet another CD from Deerhoof's back catalogue. Otherwise nothing.

Playing: Ken Griffey Jr Presents Major League Baseball for Super Nintendo on my computer. I, since sometime last February or March, played an entire 162 game season (each game takes just 15-20 minutes) with the worst rated team (this was from 1994) the San Diego Padres, finished with a 118-44 record (Phil Plantier batted .443, hit 47 HR's and had 162 RBI's), and proceeded to lose the NLCS to Pittsburgh 4 games to 2. The weird thing was, and the only reason I'm mentioning it, is that during the playoffs I was nervous and shaking while playing a game I usually only played when bored or wasted. I may be the least calm person under pressure of all time. Today at work a client asked me a question I didn't know how to answer and I babbled 'til I nearly fainted. Could you imagine what happened when I used to talk to actual girls?

Listening: NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE, plus Deerhoof. Best of 2006 is going to make ears bleed. But I could be bluffing, there's still a chance that Justin Timberlake could sneak on.

Reading: Just started 'Special Topics in Calamity Physics', by Marisha Pessl. Actually bought a book in hardcover for the first time in a while. God knows I love girls who can write, and this one seems to be pleasant on the eyes as well. But the writing comes first so we'll see. See the links on the side for more SFFW's.

Watching: Baseball, Season 2 of Angel, plus Noah Baumbach's Kicking and Screaming (not the Will Ferrell soccer movie), which I quite enjoyed, and highly recommend.

Writing: Not enough.

Like you have Planted the seed in the ground, I will plant my Seed in You

2006-10-20T15:24:00.000-05:00

Tonight will be 'Cleaning Day,' which nearly always turns into 'Drunken Cleaning Party.' My parents are visiting Saturday-Sunday, along with M's Dad-New Stepmom on Saturday. The apartment really hasn't been cleaned thoroughly since sometime in August, before Kim Gordon arrived to ruin everything (this may sound harsh for all the cat-lovers out there, but KG's love of attacking forearms jumped the shark last night when I was bleeding.) And while cleaning in itself is troublesome and unpleasant, we also need to do laundry (today I wore my last pair of non-athletic socks, last undershirt not covered in magic marker, and last pair of boxers), hang the two finally-framed silkscreen prints we bought at Pitchfork, and assembled a newly purchased table thing, which seemed like it would be easy to do, since it is only a table, but apparently has 58 parts and a shoebox of screws and things. M should be a saint and start laundry when she gets home, then I will get home, shotgun a beer, and start dusting things. It will be an unforgettable night.

I haven't seen my parents in three months, which means we'll get along splendidly for a day before they leave again. I'm not sure what we'll be doing, but my goal is simply to make them eat at an exciting restaurant, which usually means not bar-and-grill, not mexican, not chinese, not pizza. I failed at this the last time they came (Piece and PJ Clark's) and am thinking about the Thai-Vietnamese-Japanese place nearby which doesn't give you forks, which will cause them to order the safest things on the menu and cry and complain. It will be great. I'm also curious to see what happens when they meet M's dad (for longer than 30 seconds at a funeral), who is a very strange man, and his new wife, who produces more eye-rolling per minute than everyone I've ever met. That was probably mean. Anyway, this meeting wasn't planned, more of 'Hey, my parents are coming down in a couple weeks.'; 'Oh, yeah, so is my dad.'; 'OK.' sort of thing. It should be fine, except when someone brings up marriage, in which case there will be tears. Not mine.

******************************

You see that little hit-counter on the right side? Well, a couple months ago I was going to post a contest for whoever provided the 10,000th hit (no cheating allowed) would get a prize, like a mix-CD and maybe the chance to write their own post, all in an attempt to get more people to visit my blog. Obviously, writing more would be step #1, but they fact that I'm averaging like 5 people a day is kind of sad. So, the contest should wrap-up sometime late next year I guess. Wah-wah.

Milk Man Smiles to You "Hi" in a Nude

2006-10-17T18:53:00.000-05:00

First of all, if you want to go any further, you have to read this.

Now, at first I thought this was one of those ultra-hippy uber-expensivo private schools, filled with children whose parents still wear Chuck Taylor's with tweed blazers. But, according to the school website, this is a tiny K-12 public school located on an island with only 69 students. Now, I was a child once, and I assume all of you were as well, and I couldn't possibly imagine being, say, 8-years-old and being a part of this. When I was in sixth grade, our music teacher was a geriatric (NOW RECENTLY DECEASED) man who was so against the concept of pop music that when our class sold enough magazine subscriptions in order to win the class 'prize' of having any music we wanted being played and sang in our music class, he absolutely refused. We had class as usual, and the only concession he made was playing, on piano, the old-time rock 'n roll style ripoff song that was printed in our music class songbooks.* Incidentally, a couple years later our new music teacher did let us bring in our own music and then we'd discuss it academically, but eighth graders have horrible taste in music, if you didn't know. I do remember someone brought in some Guns 'n Roses (and not any of their classics but "Used to Love Her (But I Had to Kill Her)" from their horrible GNR Lies LP) and I, motivated by the desire to seem what then was perceived as 'hip' at the time, brought in my C + C Music Factory tape. No shit. I had to work hard to get where I am today.

Anyway, imagining the Milk Man album as child ballet is a bit of stretch. Granted, Deerhoof is one of my new favorite bands, I've purchased three of their albums in the last few months, and it has been a great pleasure to discover and explore their back catalogue. But, Milk Man, which I finally purchased just last week and is great, was an album I had downloaded last year, listened to once (maybe) and then deleted. Therefore, not the most accessible stuff to get into, and if I would have heard it twenty years ago I probably would have freaked out. You can listen to the title track from the album, which is by far the most mainstream sounding song they've ever made, here. There are other songs on the album that are much more unusual and designed to frighten small children and pets. I'm giving major props to the teacher who put this together, and the open-mindedness of students, parents, and other teachers for cooperating and not complaining.

*A little sidenote: I can't believe that when I was 11-13 I'd actually go out on my bike and sell magazine subscriptions (and CDs/Cassettes too I think) to strangers, all in the name of raising money for the K-8 parochial school that, while certainly providing me with a semi-quality education, at least in math and science (but not English, obviously), was during those three years my personal torture chamber. Obviously my parents bought like 3 in order to help me get whatever the highest goal was (one year it was a limo ride and a free sub from Subway, another year it was a trip to a Brewers game), but still I do remember riding five miles and knocking on random doors. Since I am now 27-years-old and would be too embarrassed to do the same thing today, and I was probably more shy and weird (I hope) then, it just seems impossible.

Would you like your Lube before or after your Steak?

2006-10-16T20:26:00.000-05:00

I. Explanations

A. M has been using the computer a lot of the past month to study for an important exam.
B. I've been out of the house a lot lately, with weekend trips plus lots of after-work happy hours.
C. Football season, baseball playoffs, the three primetime TV shows I watch (The Office, Veronica Mars, and Studio 60), plus constant stream of Netflix keeps me pacified and lazy.

Hmmm... I may think of more, I thought there was going to be more.

II. Weekend Wrap-Up: I'm really not going to bother going into this in great detail, since 60% of my blog readers were present, but, a few observations:

A. On Saturday I may have drank more alcohol than any other day in my entire life. I'm not sure exactly, but anytime you have your first beer at 8 a.m. and your last beer twenty hours later at 4 a.m., that adds up. However:
i. My hangover Sunday turned from a dull headache to slight nausea a couple hours later, but by dinnertime (Popeye's Chicken) I was mostly fine. Perhaps spreading out your obscenely heavy drinking during an entire day is the secret, even if you do drink 20-22 beers plus mixed drinks. They should be teaching this in schools.
B. If you don't understand the subject of this post, go here. I had no idea, and am both awed and frightened. You can look at the menu as well, it appears that their spiciest chicken wing requires a signed 'Release from Liability' form. In that case, you'd be glad to know that there's going to be some lube involved afterwards.
C. I worry far too much about aging and saying goodbye to my youth. I can still keep up. I'm very proud of myself.
D. Two nights without getting woken up by cat, even though I only got to sleep for 6 and 5 hours each night: Unbelievably satisfying.

III. Manifesto for the Future.
A. I don't think I'm going to do NaNoWriMo this year, but I do plan to write more in the next six weeks than the last six months. More posts here, for sure, each of which will be more and more boring. Also hopefully some writing that may appear elsewhere. And, eventually, maybe a brand new website with several contributors and a horrible name that I didn't come up with.

Swan Swan Hummingbird Hurrah

2006-09-19T19:21:00.000-05:00

Today was my first day at work since last Thursday, and it felt like an underwater dream. Nearly everyone was relocated to a new cubicle, a process which mainly occurred on Friday when I was busy sleeping in and doing other important non-work things that I'm sure were fantastic but right now I can't seem to recall any of them. I do know that later in the evening we ate out at a new restaurant (Francesca's Forno, good but small portions and touch pricey) and went to see a movie* but it was sold out so we bought tequila and came back home and watched Kiss Kiss Bang Bang instead.

*The movie we were going to see was The Last Kiss, which has gotten nothing but horrible reviews and the more I see/hear about it the more I don't want to see it. M was a big Garden State fan, and though I initially liked that film on the first viewing, every time since I've realized its many flaws, which cut through me like a jagged knife, making me cringe. And suddenly Zach Braff (who I've also been a fan of by the way, I've seen nearly every episode of Scrubs since the pilot (a show which in its last season has disappointingly become to seem rather formulaic)) is considered some sort of film soundtrack genius, but whose selections, The Shins aside (though they won't change your or anyone else's life), are largely made up of weepy singer-songwriter types and other mostly boring music. Perhaps I should stare off into space, looking wistful, perhaps, while some delicate guitar picking is heard; I will be a soulful and beautiful person. Anyway, haven't seen the movie, so I'm not justified to give a proper review.

Back to the main topic: new cubicle wasn't properly cleaned, and had a few things still in the desk drawers. This was disappointing because my previous cubicle is now occupied by my new cubicle's former resident (i.e. we switched), and I had spent much of Thursday afternoon inhaling fumes from a most likely illegal ammonia-based cleaner as I scrubbed up years of dust (I'd only been there a year and a half, but it certainly wasn't cleaned when I moved in). After cleaning, I tried to arrange my files and belongings exactly like I had them in my previous location (you are thinking, a cube is a cube, what's the problem here, Complainy McGee?) Well, it just felt different. Maybe because of the different lighting. I'm pretty sure my drawers are one centimeter narrower than previously. Also, the aisle separating the cubicle across from me used to be about six feet wide, now it is barely four. I am at least twenty feet farther from the nearest printing location. Whereas I used to have an empty cube in front of me, now it is occupied (and in fact, if you picture me as Jim J. Bullock in the center square, I used to be bordered on only four of a possible eight sides, whereas now I'm bordered on no less than seven), and, worse, whereas I used to work next to a bunch of people who I never actually worked with, now I am sandwiched by my two closest colleagues. And finally, and most severe, my same computer has been moved with me, but now I'm unable to access my fantasy baseball team, my football pool, and every other website with the word 'fantasy' in the URL due to corporate fascist filters, except for, oddly, my fantasy football team, on a generally slower than usual Internet, mind you. All of this, combined with the fact that I was coming off of a four-day unproductive and late-sleeping weekend, resulted in a not very productive day.

Other highlights from the weekend include another good meal out (at the Pacific Cafe, which was great, though I'm vowing never to eat tempura for at least a couple years), making vegetable soup, watching four episodes of Angel, meeting a long lost friend for only one beer and one hour, buying a bottle of Cachaca (which isn't too easy to find) and making endless caipirinhas, each of which was better than the last. Otherwise, not much worth sharing with the common unwashed such as yourself.

Red Thunder: Refreshing Beverage or Sign of the Apocalypse?

2006-09-14T19:27:00.000-05:00

My apartment is 3 short blocks* from an Aldi's grocery store. For you international readers, Aldi's is a grocery store which sells mostly generic brand food for batshit-insane prices. Though, for some reason, they charge you for both the use of a shopping carts and for bags to put your food in. This means I visit once or twice a week and carry a handful of food home. Usual purchases include hamburger and hotdog buns, eggs, tortilla chips, and cereal.

A couple months ago I discovered 'Red Thunder,' which is the Aldi's equivalent of Red Bull energy drink. Selling a pack of four for just $1.99, I couldn't help but try it. I don't at present remember any specific times drinking that first four-pack, but I can tell you that it did the trick for the lowest possible price. I'm not an energy-drink fiend, but I do enjoy it from time to time, mixed with some sort of alcohol. However, on my last few trips, I've noticed it was out of stock, probably due to the terrific bargain it provided. Well, on Sunday I stopped by to pick up some salsa and bread, and found that there was one last four-pack on the shelves. They had, however, raised the price to $2.99, which luckily is still a good deal. I placed the four-pack in the fridge, where it patiently waited for its moment to strike.

Well, Tuesday I got home from work at about six and wasn't very hungry, and neither was M. We agreed to make spaghetti and meatballs later on, but for now we wouldn't worry about food. I said to myself, 'Well, I'm only slightly hungry, but I think maybe I deserve a drink to tide me over.' Unfortunately, we were out of beer, and the only alcohol in the house was vodka and vermouth. I didn't feel like a martini, so was prepared to walk out of the kitchen unsatisfied. But then I remembered the Red Thunder, and gleefully poured myself a 35/65 ratio of vodka to the tiny innocent little can. The rest of the evening passed, I enjoyed watching some bad reality TV, making dinner and hanging out with M and Kim Gordon the Cat. I went to bed around 11:30 p.m. A half-hour later I realized I was surprisingly too wired to sleep. I got up and watched some TV and enough of Elizabethtown to realize it was horrible, ate some snacks, drank some water, and lied down again at about 1:30 am. The next four hours were filled with tossing and turning and not being about to keep one coherent thought in my head for more than three seconds. Eventually the cat woke up and amused herself by biting me for an hour, then M got up for work. More tossing and turning, and a few minutes here and there of slightly dozing off and it was time to go to work. I hadn't felt so tired since the days of all-night-writing-that-very-important-paper-in-college-and-then-handing-it-in-before-I-passed-out. Work was largely a bust, I left an hour early and fell asleep when I arrived home for a two-hour nap. I woke up to sit dazed on the couch for a bit, then returned to bed at a normal time to toss and turn for most of another night. Damn You, Red Thunder!

Good news is that I don't have to get up early tomorrow, as I took vacation days both Friday and Monday, for no important reason. In fact, I just drank another Red Thunder & Vodka. I'll let you know at 4 a.m. how that goes.

*When I say 3 short blocks, I don't mean that 3 blocks by definition is a short distance, but that each of the 3 blocks separating me from Aldi's are actually unusually short blocks, so that it seems more like 1.75 blocks away. I apologize once again for the confusing syntax.

First Annual National Football League Preview: 2006 Edition

2006-09-06T22:23:00.000-05:00

I've received 324 letters that are almost word-for-word identical to this one (grammar corrected by me):

Dear N---,

I've seen your blog. It sucks. Who fucking cares if you have a new cat? Not fucking me, that's for sure. I've never heard of any of the bands you talk about, are you some kind of queer? At least you have stopped knocking our great President lately, whatsamatter hippy?

I love 5 things: The Red, The White, The Blue, 70s Classic Rock, and drinking 25 beers while watching the Bears kick your faggy Packers' asses all of the field. Why don't you write about something decent for a change, motherfucker?

Sincerely,
Dr. Condoleezza Rice
Secretary of State

***

Well, Secretary Rice and the other 323 readers who were kind enough to drop me a line may have a point here. Aside from the four of you who read the blog on a semi-regular basis, there's not much for the common man to care about. Have I forgotten my roots? What gives me the right to be so exclusive?

I love indie rock, foreign films, and po-mo fiction, but I also love sports. And while past knee injuries (the first one occurred while playing basketball, the second while saving 8 orphans from drowning) have greatly limited my participation in sports over the past decade, my interest and love for it has only grown over the years. Since the past year was the first in which I participated in both a fantasy football, basketball, and baseball league, I've grown accustomed to reading and watching sports more that anything else. My morning routine this summer was to check my fantasy baseball league, and then Pitchfork. Anyway, I have some sort of knowledge on the subject.

My favorite of all the sports in NFL football, because the game has the least amount of flaws. Other leagues' flaws include:

College Football: It's all about the $, Making your own schedule, impossible to care about any team other than your alma mater.
Baseball: Too many players to keep track of, free agency and the Yankees buying whomever they want, individual games don't matter much. (though I'm routing for the Fl. Marlins big time this year)
NBA: 80 foul shots a game, superstar mentality, traveling is legal, shoe contract trumps all.
Hockey: No games on TV, no one really cares.
Tennis: I'm actually getting into this lately, good for watching on Saturday mornings, but no high stakes involved.
Golf: This isn't a sport.
College Basketball: Nothing matters until March Madness, then is awesome.

Anyway, my original idea was to give a very brief preview of the NFL season here, and then supplement my regular bloggy posts by making picks for the upcoming NFL weekend. Well, I can't do that anymore, since two of my most faithful readers and FFLs are in the same football pick pool that I am in, so I can't tip them off. However, below are my general predictions for the year. Granted, I don't have ESPN, so what do I know, aside from reading about 87 so called 'experts'' opinions online. But if picking winners myself the past decade has taught me anything, is that 'experts' usually don't know anymore than you or I. At the end of the year feel free to revisit this post and make fun of me for my incompetence.

Anyway:

NFC Eastern Division:
1. ...

Actually, hold on a second. The first NFL game of the year, Miami at Pittsburgh, is due to kick off in 18 minutes or so, and right now, in order to psych up the fans, Rascal Flats is playing on the TV. A few minutes earlier, Diddy hit the stage. Who comes up with this? Who says, well, I really wasn't planning on watching the game tonight, but I think I'll tune in to hear the new Diddy song and then keep the TV on for the next 3.5 hours and watch every commercial very closely? NO ONE.

Anyway:
1. This seems to be one of the most competitive divisions in football, since every team could either be very good or very bad but most likely all very above-average. Any team could finish first and I wouldn't be surprised at all.

*Hold on, getting pizza and watching beginning of game...*

Ok, I'm back. A couple thoughts:

a. I saw only about five seconds of Bob Costas. Why must we sit through a half hour of horrible music and boring sentimentality instead of listening to Bob Costas wax poetic about this wonderful sport? He'll be back to comfort me at halftime, but as far as I'm concerned, I'd take him over Al Michaels in the broadcast booth anytime.
b. Al Michaels, if you don't know, is a huge republican, and has given the maximum individual donation allowed to George W. Bush in the last two elections. As far as a commentator goes, he is okay, and seems more intelligent than average, but I can't get past the fact that he is likely evil.
c. The actual game telecast opened with pop artist Pink singing a song. Once again, I'm pretty sure that 95% of the viewers grimaced in horror as this was happening. I don't find Pink very attractive on TV, but I bet if I saw her in person I'd be drooling. Not sure why. Maybe because she could probably beat me in an arm-wrestling contest.

Back to the NFC east, it's pretty much a toss-up, but I'll go 'Philly-Wash-NYG-Dallas,' for the following reasons: 1. Philly will definitely be better than last year. 2. Washington will be better than in the preseason, but Brunell is awful and my fantasy football keeper Clinton Portis is already hurt. 3. The Giants have the toughest schedule, Eli is already overrated, and Tiki Barber has been due for a declining year for awhile. 4. Dallas is lot of people's pick for the super bowl, but Owens is team-cancer, and Bledsoe is almost as bad as Brunell, and I don't like taking the popular choices.

Moving on: NFC West. 'Seattle-StL-Arizona-SF'. 1. Seattle is largely unchanged from last year, save for losing a great offensive lineman, and gaining a great linebacker. 2. StL looks half-way decent, defense seems better. 3. Arizona is another trendy pick, but defense and OL are horrible. (go L. Fitz for FFball purposes, however) 4. SF is a disaster, worst team in conference?

NFC South: 'Carolina-TB-ATL-NO' 1. Carolina is the trendy pick, but they are the best all-around team here for sure. 2. TB might be a year away offensively, but D always solid. 3. Vick has already reached his ceiling, running game will decline, D was awful against run last year. 4. NO is America's team, but lines suck and Bush is overrated.

NFC North: 'Chi-Minn-Det-GB'. This is pure reverse-psychology, as my secret plan is for the Packers to surprise everyone and win the division, Greg Jennings rookie of the year. But: 1. Bears D is great, Grossman will injure himself while buttering some toast and Griese will be competent. 2. Vikes will run better and D is decent. 3. Lions will be better 4. Farve is a disaster, I'm actually hoping for a career-ending injury in week one. (remember, reverse psychology)

This is going well. Before I move on to the AFC and help myself to yet another beer, here are my football picks for the week. (since the first game has already started, all football pool picks are locked in).

Miami over Pittsburgh
Philly over Houston
NE over Buff
Denver over StL
TB over Balt
Tenn over NYJ
Seattle over Detroit
Cleveland over NO
Cinn over KC
Carolina over ATL
Jax over Dallas
Bears over Packers
ARI over SF
Indie over NYG
Skins over Vikes
SD over Oak

Ok, AFC East: 'Miami-NE-Buff-NYJ' 1. Ronnie Brown is a stud, if Culpepper can avoid sucking they should be a good team. 2. NE will make the playoffs but seem to be losing more and more good players every season. 3. Buffalo is bad but have a good RB and WR, luckily 4. The jets are worse than ever, no offense whatsoever.

AFC West: 'Denver-KC-SD-Oak' 1. Denver always has a good running game, and WRs are improved. 2. KC usually is 'Great O, Horrible D'; this year it will be 'Good O, Average D'. 3. SD has weapons but questionable D (getting shot doesn't help) and newbie QB. 4. Oakland is quarterbacked by Aaron Brooks.

AFC South: 'Indie-Jax-Tenn-Houston' 1. Indie will be less awesome but still good (until the playoffs). 2. Jax needs an offense. 3. Tenn has potential to be a surprise, but have question marks at literally every position at the beginning of the year. 4. Houston should have drafted Reggie Bush, even if he is overrated.

AFC North: 'Cincy-Balt-Pitt-Cleve' 1. Great offense, crappy defense will outscore most for the Bengals. 2. Balt will be better than you think if they can stay healthy. 3. Pittsburgh didn't deserve to win the SB last year, and will come back to earth. 4. Cleveland may be interesting to watch, but won't get to .500 until next year.

Playoffs:
NFC: Seattle, Carolina, Philly, Chicago, Wash, TB.
AFC: Indie, Denver, Cincy, Miami, NE, Jax.
Super Bowl XLI: Seattle over Cincinnati.

It's almost halftime now, so I'm going to go sit and watch Bob Costas work his magic.

ON NOTICE:

2006-09-06T22:14:00.000-05:00

On Notice list for today.

***

Coming Tomorrow:

The First Annual Wyld Stallyns Blog NFL Football Preview: 2006 Edition

***

Pattern Recognition

2006-09-01T22:08:00.000-05:00

Kim Gordon* went from crazy fun-loving party kitten to recluse who refused to eat in a span of 48 hours since we brought her home. Turns out she had the flu, and we got some 'prescription' canned cat food from the vet. Now she seems back to normal, save for some sneezing, and has horrible canned cat food breath. Her interests include biting my hands, crashing into furniture, and jumping on my laptop. I haven't had a full, uninterrupted night's sleep since she arrived. And yes, there is cat hair all over the place. And yes, she likes to sleep directly between the two pillows on the bed. And no, she doesn't recognize my authority, and does whatever she wants. 7t=gy0iuuijk <---- SEE THAT??? That was the cat trying to lay on the keyboard. I put her on my lap and tried to resume typing, but she bit my forearm, so I put her on the floor. Five seconds later she jumps onto the file cabinet, hops over the printer, onto the desk, walks around the back of the computer, and now lays down on the mouse-pad, resting her head on my wrist. Am I supposed to find this sort of thing adorable? How am I supposed to do NaNoWriMo this year if I can't get five minutes of peace?

In other news, I haven't been up to anything. A couple wasted weekends, a couple good meals, a fantasy football draft, and not much else. This weekend M's sister is visiting starting tomorrow, not sure what kind of things I'll be doing. Next weekend I plan on seeing The Gossip on Saturday, otherwise not much to be excited about. Today we got out of work early, which was kind of joke anyway, since I did literally 10 minutes of work all day and took a 90 minute lunch for someone's birthday. The early departure meant we walked a block away to drink many beers and play 'bags' (a game which I had never heard of until I had moved to Chicago), winning 5 out of 6 games thanks to a talented partner.

There is something more important that I was going to write about, but I've forgotten for the moment. Look for something important soon, either here or in 'Hi-Cool' form.

* And yes, I know just a few weeks back I promised I wouldn't post pictures of my newly acquired cat and waste valuable time and space explaining how catlike the cat is acting. However, perhaps some of you like that sort of thing. I won't judge you if you do.

I think a hairball might be coming soon. I promise I won't post pictures.

You Keep Me Comin' Home Again

2006-08-25T16:27:00.000-05:00

We now have a kitten. I'm OK with that, except my whole weekend is going to be boring. I've also learned that after last night I'm in no condition to ever have children. I didn't get much sleep, and cats even go in a litterbox.

M had to leave her alone for four hours this afternoon, and she nearly had a panic attack until I got home from work and called her with no news of kitty escapes or suicide.

We named her Kim Gordon. More to follow shortly.

...
...
...
And, in case you are wondering, yes, if we got a male it would have been named Thurston Moore.

Do as I Say, and You'll Live

2006-08-19T18:02:00.000-05:00

Now that all the 'dark confessions' are out of the way, what better method of getting back into blogging shape than writing about Snakes on a Plane? Since I do have a blog I am contractually required to at least post once about the movie. Memory fails me on whether or not I've mentioned the movie before, but I've been anticipating/making jokes about/watching poorly-conceived YouTube parodies for the entirety of 2K6, and made plans with a surprisingly eager coworker (he doesn't get out much, if at all) about three months ago to see it on opening day.

As far as a review of the movie itself goes, you can easily find those elsewhere. My take is that the movie could have been a little better, certain scenes done differently, certain snakes more cunning, etc. But all of that is completely and utterly irrelevant. You could argue it works in a so-bad-its-good sort of way, or a childlike matinee sort of way, or a Susan Sontag sort of way, or a winking-ha-ha sort of way, or whatever. The movie could have been worse, could have been better. But the magic didn't come from anything on the screen, it came from the theatre itself, from the crowd. Surely you remember, before you were a six-figure a year douchebag whose aims to become members at the most expensive country club available within 30 miles took up much of your free time, when you went to see some shitty movie in your stupid small ignorant town with a dozen of your friends (and you'd like to imagine it happened more often than it actually did) and you all laughed far too much and were generally obnoxious and probably severely annoyed that one elderly couple who was sitting in the far left side section and just wanted a quiet evening watching The Man in the Iron Mask, and didn't attempt to stay up until nine-thirty p.m. only to be bothered by a gaggle of nineteen-year-old pricks with nothing on their minds other than alcohol, cigarettes, and the very distant possibilities of pre-marital sex, thank you very much.

We saw the film at 4:15 yesterday, in a large theater than was maybe 30% full. But it felt like I was there with seventy of my closest friends. I have never been in a movie where people applauded at least a dozen times, literally hissed during the overlong previews, let alone shout "Motherfucking Snakes!" at every possible opportunity. We laughed and shouted and behaved like obnoxious children, but no one was offended, we were all there for the same reasons. Leaving the theater, I noticed most of the crowd was very young (it was a 4:15 show, after all, I didn't sneak out of work over an hour early for nothing), but that seemed appropriate. For at least two hours (violins are swelling here), I felt pretty young myself.

On the Rocks

2006-08-19T17:30:00.000-05:00

My long blogging absence can be explained, I swear. Here are the top three reasons:

1. Nothing much going on.
2. Been reading at least 2 hours a night the last couple weeks.
3. Week of sobriety.*

*A note about #3. The fact that I recently completed a week (that is seven full days and nights, or 168 hours) of self-enforced non-drinking of alcohol does not mean that I a) have a 'drinking problem' or, even worse b) must be under the influence in order to accomplish a task as simple as 'blogging.' However, the fact is that often when I sit at this computer and the end of the day, as in, at night, and feel inspired to type up a few paragraphs of nonsense, I often DO have a sweaty glass filled with some sort of alcoholic beverage sitting on the coaster on my desk. The Week of Sobriety (hereafter WoS) was brought on by a week or two of heavily than usual drinking, which was most likely not brought on by anything in particular other than boredom or possibly bad times at work. And the drinking might not have been overly heavy, in retrospect, but possibly only seemed that way due to the fact that I finished off 3 or so bottles of alcohol (finished, not started and then finished, but more like drinking the last few ounces) in the span of a day or two. Without much left in the liquor cabinet, I found myself asking a question that was immediately deemed as troubling, and prompted a short, very short, period of self-reflection, a conversation with myself, if you will, at the end of which the conclusion was reached to not have any alcohol for a complete week, last saturday until the end of yesterday, in order to cleanse both my mind and body, and because that is something I doubt I've done in a couple years or so. So I turned down beers and wine (both of which have been in our fridge the whole time) and drinks, ordered Coke at a bar, had a couple glasses of water with pizza. Not that big of deal, I was rarely tempted, except when I made a frozen pizza on Thursday night.

The question that brought everything on was "I wonder what vermouth tastes like by itself?"

The answer is 'sort of like white wine,' but that isn't important.

Sweet Liberation Has Come

2006-08-07T10:12:00.000-05:00

I'm all rocked out for a few days. Skipping Wolf Parade tonight (and last night) because I can't take any more rock. Plus, expectations for said rock are at an all time high. Friday was my lollapalooza day, $73 dollars got me three bands' full sets. The Editors, who were pretty good (though note to lead singer: Ian Curtis called, he wants his DNA back). Mates of State, who I've now seen an all-time record ELEVEN times, were solid as always, though it was strange seeing them with the lolla crowd, there was a dude in front of me who only knew songs from their last album, and he was fucking doing the robot the whole show (while elbowing me every fourth beat). And of course Sleater-Kinney, who started off a little slow but soon gathered much momentum. As you can see from the setlist, they concentrated on 'The Woods', which actually worked in their favor in the setting. Carrie Brownstein has turned into an amazing guitar player, and the last three songs left me breathless. There is a feeling I get when I'm at a concert sometimes, when the band just fucking hits that chord change perfectly or harmonizes or something I can't explain, but it can give me chills and raise my heartrate like a drug I haven't taken enough of. I got it then, possibly for the first time in a festival setting.

Then I of course had to take a break from the rock, went to Milwaukee for M's Dad's wedding, which, if you haven't heard the background info, was set to be a fucking crazy disaster. Well, mysteriously, everything went perfectly, and everyone was surprisingly well-behaved. I looked smashing in a rented tuxedo as always. After the early Sunday wedding, saw crossword puzzle doc 'Wordplay' and headed downtown for Sonic Youth concert. Got there a little early, found a good spot in the fifth row of the Pabst Theater, another great place to see a concert. We were about fifteen feet from the stage, and the slanted floor gave me the best view for a concert that I've probably ever seen in a venue that holds more than fifty people. The Go! Team opened, and were pretty good. And then I could finally cross off another all-time favorite band that I've never seen live before. Who is left? Pavement, if they reunite, I guess. Flaming Lips. Stereolab. Uh, Neutral Milk Hotel (I heard a rumor that something is going to happen). I can't think of anyone else that wouldn't involve a time machine.

Sonic Youth didn't let me down. Concentrated on the new album 'Rather Ripped,' which didn't bother me at all (may end up as album of the year), gave me at least a half dozen of those magic moments. The sound was perfect, the band was amazing, and seeing them live (finally) has sealed their place in my all-time best list, and nearly made me completely lose memory of S-K two days prior. I'm not sure how they can still do this after so many years, but they fucking did it.

Setlist:
Schizophrenia
Reena
Incinerate
What A Waste
Mote + noise jam
Do you Believe In Rapture?
Kool Thing
Sleepin Around
Rats
Jams Run Free
Pink Steam
Or
----
Turquoise Boy
100%
-----
Lights Out
Shaking Hell

They are on Conan Wednesday night, by the way. And if you somehow have a bad taste in your mouth from the band, perhaps because your roommate played them too much in college, I suggest you give them another chance. They are also at the Minnesota State Fair in a couple weeks with the Flaming Lips.

EDIT: Their performance on Conan was horrible, due to sound issues.

Banned from the End of the World

2006-08-04T23:36:00.000-05:00

1. The Fox
2. Start Together
3. Wilderness
4. Jumpers
5. Sympathy
6. Rollercoaster
7. Light Rail Coyote
8. Night Light
9. Ironclad
10. What's Mine Is Yours
11. Modern Girl
12. Let's Call It Love
13. Entertain
14. Turn It On

I can't believe I nearly considered missing this. Worth every penny. More later.

All Hands on the Bad One

2006-08-03T15:22:00.000-05:00

I've been wrestling with an internal crisis all day today, if not all week. (But, you say, isn't this your eighteenth internal crisis this week? Yes, yes it is) It breaks down as follows:

Question: Should I spend $65 to buy a one day pass to Lollapalooza on Friday? (I'm out of town Saturday and Sunday (but I'm happily going to see Sonic Youth in Milwaukee on Sunday Night, FYI)).

Pros:
Sleater-Kinney, Sleater-Kinney, and Sleater-Kinney. If you would have asked me yesterday, or any of the 12 or so days before, I would tell you that I'm not going to go to Lolla this year. Friday's lineup isn't that great: Mates of State (who rule but I've seen them 10 times already), Death Cab (who I vow never to see again live unless a girl drags me), the Raconteurs (who might be good live but unfortunately are playing right before and on the other end of the festival (which is about a mile long), meaning I'd only have time for a few songs, if any, before I went to get a good spot for S-K. There are a couple other bands here and there, but mainly, this is all about one.

Cons:
Like I said, only one show that I'm looking forward to. The chance to see one of the truly great bands of my lifetime a week before they break up possibly forever. Yes, I know that sounds like some sort of grandiose statement which may only cause scoffing and eye-rolling, but if you've listened to the albums and seen them play live, I'm not sure how you could possibly argue. However, this show is at fucking Lollapalooza. Which means: A 50-55 minute set, a crowd that is filled mostly with people who aren't huge fans, and therefore won't respond to the band or dance or whatever, a band that has to play most if not all of their set in daylight (its from 730-830) who is only there to collect a paycheck. Pretty much every time I've seen a band I've loved in that environment, as with Spoon last Sunday, I feel like the show would've been so much better in a different setting. So, I'm afraid that seeing S-K go out like this would leave me with a bad taste in my mouth.

Pros:
I read some reviews of yesterday's S-K show in New York. Read this. "And really, one of the best rock shows of all time." Really? And that's coming from someone who doesn't like to throw around superlatives like candy. I've only seen them once, in 2000 at a tiny place called the Annex in Madison (for, like, $10), with a then-unknown band called the White Stripes opening up. By the end of that show my knees were so sore (I'd had surgery five months prior, and been on crutches as recently as three weeks earlier) that I could barely walk home. So much jumping, so much dancing with cute sweaty lesbians! I'm relatively sure that a short set at a massive outdoor festival is not going to hold a candle, but what if it's 50% as awesome? That'd still be pretty awesome. And I'd give all the money in my wallet (currently $14) and the rest of the hearing in my left ear in order to hear the opening to 'The Fox' live right now.

So, I've been going back and forth on this all day. Please give me your opinions.

Don't Make Me a Target

2006-07-31T22:17:00.000-05:00

Right now at this very second in time it feels like about 110 degrees in our 'office,' which has inspired me to write a bit about last weekend. The Pitchfork festival was good. Too hot, obviously, though. I'd much rather buy countless $4 beers instead of wait for twenty minutes in the line to refill my water bottles any time, but who wouldn't? Also, I was surprised at the size of the crowd, I was a bit spoiled by Intonation's low turnout and reasonable temperatures. I arrived at about 2 on Saturday, just in time for Man Man, who I've neither seen nor heard before. They put on a great show, as did nearly everyone else on Saturday. I skipped parts of Band of Horses, Destroyer, and the Walkmen to gather water and/or food, but everyone else was great, at least from my usual vantage point right behind the soundboard (it was so crowded). Granted, eight hours of standing in the sun took its toll, so we didn't arrive on Sunday until about 6. I saw Yo La Tengo put on a rather lackluster set, then managed to squeeze into a rather decent spot up front to see Spoon play a great show as always (two new songs/new album early next year I believe) that was unfortunately cut short by the powers that rule the festival. Skipped Os Mutantes (remember the 12-year rule) to buy a couple silkscreen posters (Ted Leo/Rx and Death Cab) for our apartment, and headed home. Didn't sleep much last night. You can find more comprehensive reviews written elsewhere by people sitting in air conditioning if you spend five seconds looking.

An interesting thing happened Saturday while I was waiting for my overpriced chicken kebob: in the span of three minutes my picture was taken by two different and unrelated people who liked my tee-shirt. One of those people has a well-written but largely unread blog. Anyway, the attention was brief and completely unwarranted, but welcome nonetheless. I sometimes feel like a ghost here, especially in this neighborhood, walking around all ordinary and plain, especially since I've gotten a short haircut. I want to shout "I don't like my corporate job very much, but I suck at making art, even though I greatly appreciate it. Give me a fucking chance people!" It's almost enough to make a guy get a neck tattoo. Almost.

Catastrophe

2006-07-31T15:19:00.000-05:00

I am not a cat person. I am a dog person. Simple as that. I'm not anti-cat. I'm not a cat-hater, I just prefer dogs. I don't need to go into reasons why, it is pretty obvious. You can't argue one way or another, and like with religion or politics, conversions are very rare. I'm a dog person.

So, we might get a cat. Our new apartment, being old and whatnot, allows cats but not dogs, and somewhere along the line M got the idea that we needed to have a cat. Or, as she says, a kitty. 'Can we get a kitty?' is the new question of the day, taking various alternate forms such as 'Either we get a kitty or I'll buy this $200 coffee maker, which is it?'. Recently this has turned into a constant barrage of feline-related discussions, and it is almost inevitable that soon enough everything I own will be covered in cat hair.

My family had a cat when I was growing up. It was named Pepper, and was well-behaved (didn't urinate on random things, didn't claw up furniture or do anything else that cats do that I don't even know about) but kind of a jerk (hated new people, didn't like to be petted, hid in the basement for days, and resented everyone when we got a puppy after a few years of becoming bored with the cat). I really don't want a cat like that. The cat that I'm looking for, if I have to have one, is one who behaves like the best roommate I've ever had. They should be independent enough to be able to do their own things, sometimes I may not see them all day. But when we do hang out, it should always be a blast. Also, they should be neat and not ever get pissed off. And never wake me up by licking my face. And not ask me for money (or catnip, or whatever).

If I have to share my apartment with a cat, I'm not going to become a cat person. I am making a vow here. I'm not going to start cooing about how cute it is, or waste valuable blog real estate telling you how fucking 'pwecious' it is, or post little pictures of it being adorable with horrible captions.

Some Youtube Goodness for the Childrens

2006-07-28T22:37:00.000-05:00

Best Music Video Ever - "Sabotage" directed by Spike Jonze

R.E.M.'s first TV appearence - performing 'Radio Free Europe' on Letterman

Unaired Pilot for Heat Vision and Jack, starring Jack Black and the voice of Owen Wilson - Best thing ever???

Chappelle's classic Samuel Jackson Beer commercial

Why basketball and trampolines do not go together.

Pull Shapes

2006-07-27T21:57:00.000-05:00

I've been going to the Pitchfork website daily since 1998, back when it was called live-wire.com, I think. For all of its faults, it's still my most trusted review source, even though I disagree with the reviews sometimes and it can be predictable (I always try to guess the ranking before clicking on the review. I can get it spot on some of the time, but they also manage to surprise me sometimes (like with this week's Pipettes review)). Therefore, you'd think that something called the Pitchfork Music Festival held approximately six blocks east and fourteen blocks south of my apartment would hold some appeal. Well, you'd be right. The line-up is fantastic. I can't see myself getting there any later than 2 or 2:30 each afternoon, and I will stay until the end both days. God knows what kind of shape I'll be in on Monday. Temps are supposed to be 95 or so, I wonder if I can survive in that sort of environment, though I'm sure I'll see plenty of hipsters wearing sweaters or leggings. I'll be the sweaty dude in shorts and a white tee shirt with "7.9" written on it in magic marker.

You're with me, Weather

2006-07-18T16:34:00.000-05:00

Last Tuesday I walked to the train after work, but the doors closed just as I reached the platform. Five minutes later, I was on another train. We moved to the next stop and then the power went out and emergency lights came on. We stood in a now-air conditionless car for about ten minutes, before we received the announcement to empty the train and go up to the street. It turns out the train ahead of us had caught on fire. It was a big enough story to make the BBC news apparently. If I had been ten seconds earlier and been in the thick of it. I'd like to think that I'd help personally escort several pregnant women and elderly people to safety through the thick smoke. But, more likely, I would have wet myself, pushed past the old people, and used a fallen pregnant woman to cushion my jump off of the train, all the while thinking 'I hope this smoke doesn't damage my iPod.'

Syd Barrett was surprisingly well known for someone whose actual music most people have never heard. I'm sure Piper will at least receive a sales bump, which is certainly well-deserved. Everything Pink Floyd did afterwards always seemed brilliant to me, but then I turned 20 and realized most of it was not very good, and regard mostly everything today with dramatic eye-rolling. Dark Side of the Moon has been so overplayed that I don't think I'll ever listen to it again. Anyway, check this neat youtube clip of early P.F. on some BBC TV show, they play after some crusty dude gives a speech on why they aren't any good.

Last Thursday I went out for tapas and sangria at Iberico, ate about 20 different things, including rabbit(!), and drank enough to nearly kill me. The occasion was a farewell dinner for a coworker, who was nice enough to give me the alarm clock/CD player that was on her desk. Right now I'm trying to determine the loudest volume level that I can get away with.

On Saturday I bought an air conditioner. Usually, I can suck it up and get by for a few hot days, but with triple digit temps I finally caved in. It's just for our bedroom, for sleeping. Problem was that the airconditioner was so small that we kind of had to improvise to seal off the window around it. There are now several more openings for more house centipedes and long-horned beetles to come in and crawl up my leg. Welcome, insect-overlords. We didn't actually get the thing installed until Sunday evening. Saturday was spent sitting on the couch, sweating, not touching, watching horrible movies on TV and eating fruit and hummus. Cold showers rule, however.

This weekend, or Thursday, actually, I'm hitting the road back up to the land where ten dollars at a bar can get you hammered. My sister's wedding is on Friday, I probably will refrain from stopping it from happening. My hope is for the temperature to be comfortable, considering the ceremony is outside. Hopefully several FFLs will be around for good times on Saturday, we shall see.

Touche

2006-07-10T21:22:00.000-05:00

I guess soccer isn't too boring sometimes. Any sporting event I watch in the next couple months that doesn't involve a ridiculous headbutt is going to be yawn-city.

Today a bunch of people at work were organizing an "MLB Home Run Derby" office pool. It involved eight people picking a random name out of a hat (well, probably not a hat, literally). I did not partake. First off, doing something so random is just ridiculous. It would be like ten people each throwing in five bucks, assigning themselves numbers from one to ten, and then rolling a ten-sided die to determine the winner. Not that I have a ten-sided die, or even know what one is. Secondly, I stupidly did this last year, in an attempt to feel like one of the gang most likely, and I picked Pittsburgh Pirate Jason Bay, who hit the exact same number of home runs that I did in eighth-grade softball (zero).

EDIT: That Zidane link seems to only work sometimes. He is headbutting the Leaning Tower of Pisa back into upright position. It is awesome.

Word Jumble

2006-07-08T19:49:00.000-05:00

There's a lot of disorganized things floating around, so I'm going to have to do this bullet point stizz.

- On the 4th I went to a cookout which seemed to be organized by the hostess for the sole purpose of acquiring beer. I was having a music-related conversation with someone. At one point, he said, and I'm paraphrasing here: "So pretty much all during the 1980s, with Reagan in the white house, all the music changed into being all happy and poppy all the time, because there were no problems for anyone to complain about." I wasn't exactly struck speechless. He's still alive by the way, though very badly burnt.

- Our Great National Nightmare is Over! FFL Nate is back from his long hiatus, and promises to update his blog 4 times a week, thanks to my brilliantly-conceived petition. By the way, if you don't know Nate, he is a fine gentleman who looks exactly like a young Donal Logue. It's uncanny.

- In the past week three of my favorite coworkers (and, therefore, three of my best friends in town) are officially on their way out the door. One voluntary, two involuntarily. Plus my 'assistant' is leaving as well, and apparently is not going to be replaced. Did I ever mention how much work sucks before? Well, now it's going to get worse. Are there any record stores in the city who offer 401(k)'s???

- Middle eastern food is great! Let's throw in food from Nepal and India as well. And yes, I know that is a pretty broad area of real estate, but it seems that food from any of these countries can all be combined and mixed up together on one plate, Thanksgiving style. I live within baseball throwing distance from Sultan's Market in the W.P., which is one of my new favorite places in the hood.

- Some people have little pics of albums on the sides of their blogs, or sometimes books or DVDs as well, saying basically 'this is what i'd listening to/reading/watching and you should to, if you fucking know what is good for you, and by the way, I'm so much more cool than you could ever be.' Well, I'm no longer smart enough to accomplish something like that, but I can tell you, olde-fashionede texte stylee:

Listening:
-Lots and lots of deerhoof, especially The Runners Four and Reveille. Even though the former came out last October, I may put it on my best of '06 CD. Yes, it feels wrong, but oh so right.
-The Pipettes. They can't sing and the album is poorly produced, but you can tell by listening that they look cute in polka-dot dresses.
-The new Sonic Youth, obvs. Also every other album of theirs (all 16(?) of them) that I have.
-The Boredoms. Yup, I'm just that hardcore.
-The Beta Band. High Fidelity (the movie) reference aside, The 3 EPs is fucking golden.
-Pavement, Wowee Zowee. Still only my 4th fav pave album, but double-disc reissue coming this year, getting excited. (and, wowee, it looks like amazon is having a cheap pavement sale). By the way, saying this is my 4th favorite pavement album is like saying someone is your 4th favorite child.
-Everything Sleater-Kinney, to mourn their passing.

Watching, via Netflix:
-Walk the Line. Kind of sucked, pretty much EXACTLY what you expect. I do plan on reading J. Cash's autobiography soon, however.
-Manhattan. Haven't seen in ages. Not Annie Hall, but pretty fucking classic.
-Seven Samurai. Best three and a half hour movie I've ever seen?
-Angel, Season One, Disc 1 and 2. Eh? Hopefully it gets better. Though episode 8 did make M cry.
-Hustle and Flow. Better than I expected. Avoided all stereotypes. Recommended.

Reading:
-White Noise, Don DeLillo. Small enough to carry on the train, big enough to blow your mind.
-Gravity's Rainbow, Thomas Pinchon. Haven't started yet, just bought this week at Quimby's.
-The Better of McSweeney's, Vol 1. Just picked this back up today. Very good.

Wow, that was self-indulgent, huh? Let's move on.

- More evidence that I am an alcoholic: I combined Scotch with Coke (I call it CocaMacCola) and it was mostly horrible. But a week later, I had it again. Bad times.

- Last weekend I bought an exercise bike. Assembling it was my exercise for the first week. Rode it today hardcore for the first time: I am incredibly out of shape, despite having to walk everywhere.

- Veronica Mars got robbed by the Emmy noms. But that's what awards do, right? Crush dreams.

- Uh, I don't really have much of a big-time closer. Make up something good in your head.

Look Ma, No Hands

2006-07-08T19:12:00.000-05:00

I've watched more soccer during the nearly completed World Cup than my entire previous 27 years combined. That's still not very much, about the same total as any given Sunday during the upcoming futbol americano season (by the way, am I delusional by thinking that the Packers have a decent shot to win their division or what?). Some of this was helped by having several co-workers who were obsessed to the point of boring everyone at lunch for a good month before the thing started. I'm usually in the a) Make goals bigger OR b) Smaller goal, no goalkeeper camp, but that's mostly due to ignorance of the sport. Since I've been baptized in the unsanitary foreign waters of soccer this year, however, I feel qualified to give some more opinions.

Ways to improve World Cup Soccer:

1. No Flopping. For a sport whose most common criticism in this country is "It's too boring," the last thing we need is countless whistles for questionable fouls (we already have the NBA for that, cough, dallaswasrobbed, cough, cough). Red and Yellow cards are so subjective that every one of them can be argued. Only award them when a player kicks another in the groin (Red Card!) or in the face (Yellow!). Eliminate fouls by at least 70%, everything that looks like they're going for the ball should be fine. We've seen far too many Oscar-caliber performances where a dude who's been running around for two hours straight falls down, rolls over three times, then clutches at their chest where their heart should be, but alas, it has been stolen by the opposing player, Temple of Doom style, only with his feet. Then they jump off of the stretcher when they are halfway off the field. These people should be Red Carded, every time. Nothing hurts that much. They should also be kicked in the groin.

2. No Penalty kicks to decide a tie. This is just stupid. Considering that someone being good at shooting/defending penalty kicks is the EXACT same level of skill as someone being good at Rock, Paper, Scissors, this is no way to decide a match of such importance that the losers, if they happen to live in certain South American countries, will likely be murdered in a parking garage a month later. We can keep the 30 minutes of extra time, but after that it is sudden death until someone scores. They do this during the hockey playoffs. So come on soccer, are you really worse than hockey? That is like being worse than syphilis.

3. Improve TV coverage. Sure, I like the fact that unlike all American sports, there are zero commercials or timeouts, but I would appreciate at least some footage of the crowds during these things. You know there is constant fighting and near riots, plus a few shots of hot Brazilian women couldn't hurt. Have you ever seen a Cubs game on TV? It goes like this: a) shot of Cubs pitcher scowling b) Dusty Baker scowling c) fratty Cubs fan scowling d) Hot Girl e) Hot Girl f) Hot Girl g) the pitch f) Hot Girl scowling. I'd much rather look at a hot Swedish soccer fan than another girl who lives in Lincoln Park and drives an SUV.

4. No offsides penalties. This is just stupid on every level.

5a. Make the goals bigger
OR
5b. Smaller goal, no goalie.

Burn, Don't Freeze

2006-06-29T22:03:00.000-05:00

Thinking back to my Sonic Youth-inspired post of a couple weeks ago, I wonder what the influence of married couples within bands has to do within longevity. Sonic Youth has one, obviously. So do a couple other long-running bands, Yo La Tengo and Stereolab are the first examples that come to my mind. YLT and Stereolab might be a record or two past their primes (as I thought SY was a few months ago) but they have all had long careers making consistently good albums. Considering that most people, including myself, imagine working with their mate as being too much of a good thing, I kind of find this hard to believe. But it seems to work in the rock and roll sense. I've had a couple old girlfriends who were in bands, and I at the time wanted nothing more than to be on stage and play tambourine in the background.

Speaking of bands, I was crushed two days ago when I heard that Sleater-Kinney had broken up. Though I don't think they've ever reached 'Number One Band of the Moment' status in my head, they've always hovered around the top five to ten. Six great albums, continuous musical growth, a great live show, what more could you want. From the post riot grrl pop of Dig Me Out to the political screeds of One Beat to the epic bombast of last year's The Woods, they have cemented their place in music history. Their second-to-last ever concert is the first day of lollapalooza, I'm debating whether it's worth the 75 or so dollars or whatever for the one day pass, since I'm being forced to miss the next two days. If you haven't heard much of them, or only have heard a few songs from my Best of '02 and '05 CDs, please give them a shot. I know I gave a big speech about how it's better to burn out than fade away, and this seems like the perfect time for S-K to do just that, but it doesn't make it any easier to take.

Speaking of things ending too soon, I've created a petition to bring back naterohan.com. Half my hits were coming from there anyway. Obviously I made a spelling error, it should be 'enlighten' instead of 'enlighted'.

Speaking of spelling, I watched the National Spelling Bee Finals a few weeks ago. Awesome job by everyone; glad the Canadian girl didn't win, though it was very odd when she was whistled for a foul on Dwayne Wade in the last round. I remember back when I was in eighth grade, my last year of spelling bee eligibility. I fucked up in my school's spelling bee. I spelled illustrated as i-l-l-a-s-t-r-a-t-e-d like a fucking idiot. Obviously I wouldn't have made it past the regionals, thanks to one now-married FFL (friend-for-life), but still. I even was a recent subscriber to Sports Illustrated magazine at the time. I choked, plain and simple, but at least I didn't mess up on an easy word like antipyretic. That would have been embarrassing for sure.

In other news: Last weekend the Intonation Festival was great, I never realized that I'd enjoy hip-hop acts live so much, especially in such a non-threatening environment (aka 97% white). Ghostface, Rhymefest, the Streets, and Lupe Fiasco were all awesome. Jon Brion stole the show with his multi-layered solo act, however. I also spent fifty dollars on beers. The weekend before I was in Madison, WI, where the drinks are cheap, and I found out I can still pass as a student with my 1997 student ID, even though I had a worse haircut than at present, if that is possible.

expletive deleted

2006-06-29T21:19:00.000-05:00

Some days I bring my "A" game, the world is my oyster and I am king. Today was not one of those days. I don't like to complain, I prefer the silent sulking method.

But:

At lunch today I saw a bunch of people leaving for the day. I was informed that they were all going to the Cubs/Brewers game; sitting in the executive box and entertaining a couple clients. This sort of thing happens once in awhile, I usually resign myself in thinking that I'm not executive-important enough to be invited along.

But:

1. I knew several clients had cancelled, meaning extra tickets were available.
2. The Cubs were playing my #1 favorite baseball squadron, the Milwaukee Brewers, which nearly everyone knows.
3. One of the people invited along was the brand new intern, who a) doesn't care much about baseball b) is here for two months and then never working here or in our entire industry again, and c) has already been taken out for three lunches and now the fucking baseball game despite he's only been here for six days, while yours truly in 17 months has reaped the corporate rewards of exactly two beers and a trip to Ft. Wayne, IN. He's better looking, 5 years younger, and much friendlier than I (obviously), so maybe he deserves it.

I spent the rest of the afternoon in full sulk mode, listening to Bob Uecker over the interweb calling the Brew-Crews 5-4 victory. A brief half-hour milkshake run in the 5th inning as the only exception. I also closed some businessy-type deals that would've made fucking Alec Baldwin circa Glengarry Glen Ross proud.

I went home, decided to get a haircut, just a trim, to make myself presentable for my sister's wedding in a few weeks. I waited a solid 35 minutes, then clearly explained to the hair-cutter-person what I wanted.

But:

Apparently when I said "thin out and texturize the back and sides with a razor-comb" is was interpreted as 'grab a electric shaver and buzz off six inches of hair, but make sure you do enough damage that it's not possible to salvage my dignity by neither keeping the rest long or cutting everything short' . I was left with a cool haircut from perhaps 15 years ago, long all over except the back and sides, except the long hair is long enough to hang over and hide the back and sides, looking semi-normal until the breeze from an air-conditioning vent blows. NO, fuck it, I can't even properly describe it. It looks weird and horrible, especially from the back. Nearly ten months of avoided hair-care professionals, now I know why.

However, I got the haircut for free, since it was so fucking bad. Hooray me!

2 glasses of scotch down, how many left to go?

Confusion is Next

2006-06-09T11:47:00.000-05:00

I'm always been an advocate of the theory that it's better to burn out than fade away. The Rolling Stones, Woody Allen, Elvis Costello, Tom Wolfe, David Bowie, R.E.M., Martin Scorsese, U2, Bob Dylan, add some more to the list. All should have quit while they were ahead. That's the reason everyone still loves the Beatles, because we weren't subjected to The Beatles Do Disco! in 1977. The best thing that ever happened to Led Zeppelin was their drummer choking on his own vomit, and they were already pushing the limits. Granted there may be rare exceptions, but most of these are manufactured by fans and the press, i.e. a five-star review of the latest Rolling Stones album.

It's hard to blame the artists, really. They need to make a living. And, unfortunately, their fans, aging rapidly themselves, can never simply walk away. Why would the middle-aged Stones fan spurn A Bigger Bang in order to buy the Arctic Monkey's LP instead? If a Rolling Stones' fan admits that they no longer are able to make a great album (This is something they should have realized in 1973), do they not also realize their own mortality? Not to mention the artists themselves; I'm sure that within six months of the Stones breaking up for good (which won't happen by the way, without a band member's death) that at least two of them will die. Maybe this is the problem, that we can never fully admit that younger people can do it better. I'm at the age now in which every pro athlete in the first 5 years of their career is younger than I, which is kind of a hard fact to accept. As a teenager, I could always look at the athletes, and musicians and filmmakers and authors for that matter, and think, wow, maybe in a few years I'll be able to do something like that. As time went on, it was more "Wow, he directed his first feature at 23, I only have two years left." Now, it's: "Damn, I need to buy more nacho cheese, I'm out again."

Anyway, I'll admit that this theory can be clouded by the fact that we are always searching for the next big thing (and by 'we' I mean people who haven't simply given up on new music/literature/art and have chosen a closed-off existence in 1991 or 1987 or 1968 or whenever), and originality is often confused with greatness. Likewise, artists who change with the times are often accused of pandering (which no doubt is sometimes the case) with electronic blips and freshly frosted tips.

But let's go back to music, can you think of any band or artist which released their best album more than ten years after they started? The only clear example I'm sure of is The Flaming Lips' The Soft Bulletin (released in 1999, a solid 15 years after their inception), otherwise I'm at a loss. There are some that come right at the cutoff mark, but nothing definitive. The pursuit of greatness is something that cannot be sustained over a long time period, but is too appealing to stop trying.

The reason I've been thinking about all this lately is that the new Sonic Youth album is fucking great. Probably not 'their best album ever' great, but great nonetheless. It's called Rather Ripped and will be in stores on Tuesday. Am I just being naive? Am I as bad as the people I've described above? Sonic Youth always seemed on a different level than most bands, because even though they were never famous (except for a brief semi-famous period in the early-to-mid 90s (they were on an episode of the Simpsons after all: Thurston Moore: Aw, come on, Mr. Frampton. You're not gonna eat all that watermelon.)), but they always managed to pay the mortgage and avoid the factors that could break up a band or cause it to pander. Between the summers of 1998 and 1999 I bought every album they had released up to that point. Enjoyed all of them, some more than others, agreed with most critics that their mid to late 80s run was their peak. The 90s stuff was good, but there were always certain songs that never quite clicked. And, of course, they were never great singers or lyricists. But they continued to self-release experimental EPs and hold captive a devoted fanbase. I continued to buy their new records. NYC Ghosts + Flowers was mostly bad, and I was prepared to put them out to pasture, but they critically rebounded with their next two albums, which perhaps top anything they put out in the decade prior. This alone is cause for alarm. And the new album, it's nothing different except a bit catchier, perhaps their last offering of relatively mainstream fare (coinciding with the last album on their major label record contract) before they firmly shut the door on the masses that never accepted them. But the band members' ages are, as of today, 53, 50, 47, and 43. My parents are 54 and 52. This is old. Can you think of any 50-year-olds you wouldn't mind hanging out with, not to mention any who you would feel self-consciously uncool around?

Like I said, perhaps I'm just being naive here. But maybe Sonic Youth found magic alien pods in their swimming pool. Maybe they alone have the secret, or maybe just have been lucky. I'm not sure, but it doesn't seem natural.

A Cinderella Story...

2006-06-07T21:30:00.000-05:00

Just finished watching Jim Jarmusch's Broken Flowers, starring Bill Murray. Good movie, I was very proud to hear one of my favorite songs, "There is an End," by The Greenhornes ft. Holly Golightly on vocals, used in both the beginning and end credits.

Near the end of the movie, Bill Murray runs. He runs about 40 yards or so, maybe less. Bill Murray, 55 years old, who in his recent resurgence, from Rushmore to Lost in Translation to The Life Aquatic to now, has always played a morose static figure who can only wistfully think about his life gone by so quickly.

Bill Murray can run faster than me. I can't even walk from the train station to my office without my knee giving out at least once.

We need a moat. A moat of fire... filled with fire-proof crocodiles

2006-06-05T15:28:00.000-05:00

As a simple man (IQ of 73) who enjoys simple pleasures (bourbon on the rocks, loud music, post-modern art, potato chips), it doesn't take much for me to have a relaxing weekend. But usually I end up trudging to work Monday morning feeling that I left certain exciting stones unturned, that the two hours I spent playing RBI Baseball on my computer wasn't the best use of free time. Well, this past weekend wasn't like that. Here's a summary:

Friday night: ran to the store for groceries, then made satisfactory tuna steaks for dinner. Went with a friend to see Tapes 'n Tapes w/Cold War Kids (verdict = meh) at the Abbey, had a few beers afterwards, took train home, ate potato chips and watched the second half of Annie Hall.

Saturday morning: got up relatively early and took a bus to go to the Choke Garage Sale. Spent exactly $5 to buy about 25 CDs and 10 7"s. I've heard of about five of these (Marble Valley, anyone?) but the rest were choosen based on band name or album cover. Lots of punk rock, I think, but I haven't listened to any yet, since I've also bought 7 other CDs (that I've heard of) in the past week.

Then: dropped off bag of records at home and took train downtown to Printer's Row Book Fair. Caught Dave Eggers. Returned home.

Afternoon: ate pizza, watched Cubs/Cardinals, read on the porch, slightly dozed off while listening to music.

Evening: met coworker for drinks in the neighborhood, watched basketball game, out until 1 (including being at a place with a "Rescue 911" pinball machine), then home for an alcohol-soaking meal of stove top stuffing and Super Mario Bros 3.

Sunday: took train/bus to Hyde Park to meet M (who has been working all weekend), went to 57th street art fair, left with a new painting. Then the rest of the day I did nothing, and went to sleep before 11 for the first time in a month. If that's not excitement, I don't know what is.

Next weekend will hopefully be even better, as out of town guests will be here to amuse me. I'll try to get all my sleeping in during the week.

An Inconvenient Truth... that it is fucking hot today

2006-05-28T21:05:00.000-05:00

About five minutes ago I was sitting at the computer, surfing the web idly and listening my yahoo radio station, when I heard a loud 'bang.' I thought to myself, "Gee, that nearly sounded like a gunshot." A minute or so later I heard a similar noise, repeated a few times. I walked into the living room and asked M what it was. Then we started hearing it in rapid succession, and it sounded like it was coming from somewhere close. Ten seconds later I looked to find both M and I on our belly's lying on the wooden living room floor. I heard our upstairs neighbors' footsteps scampering around. Only when I heard the sizzle of an exploding roman candle did I realize that fireworks were being set off, instead of being a close witness to a Wicker Park drive-by.

My parents visited this weekend, Saturday to Sunday, bringing us a futon suitable for inebriated guests and helped us hang pictures on our cardboard-plaster walls. We walked around my new neighborhood and downtown, ate pizza and drank micro-brews, took squinty-eyed pictures of each other. Today we went downtown and to Navy Pier, my parents took pictures of various buildings, most noticeably the Chicago Theater, whose impressive sign caught their attention. What didn't seem to catch their attention was the fact that the Chicago Theater marquee was welcoming "International Mr. Leather 2006."

What a horrible weekend to be hosting such an event, temps in the 90s today. By the way, if anyone googling 'international mr. leather 2006' winds up on this webpage, welcome!

Up to Speed

2006-05-22T12:58:00.000-05:00

Our new apartment is so big that I've established an unenforceable rule that says that one person can't yell across the apartment to the other person, since there's no way to hear each other. If I want to, say, make nachos and watch basketball (on network TV only, natch), I have to prepare everything in the kitchen and then take everything about fifty feet away to the living room. By the time I've reached my destination, the cheese temperature is unsatisfyingly low. Despite the vast expanse of the place, every footstep on the sagging hardwood floors produces tremendous noise. The noises seem to be louder at 6:30 am, when I'm trying to sleep. There are ants, little black ones, in the bathroom. We have used an entire bottle of ant-killer spray and 8 mini-ant-traps, but still find at least a couple ants per day. This doesn't bother me in the slightest, as these ants rank nearest the bottom of the giant list of hated insects.

The move went OK, except for the fact that my bike got stolen during. The movers left it in the back alley of my old place before loading it onto the truck, and shockingly someone decided that they would like an old but dependable Trek bicycle. Worse was the fact that the movers disavowed themselves of any responsibility, and even charged me for the 45 minutes they spent 'looking' for the bike and yelling at my old building manager. Repeated phone calls to management produced a similar response. So, if you live in Chicago and are looking for a moving service, God have mercy on your pathetic soul if you go with "The Professionals - Moving and Storage", thepromove.com.

The fact that I now live closer to the loop is tarnished by the fact that my commute actually takes longer, thanks to trains that are so crowded I consider myself lucky if I can squeeze into the first one that comes along, which I've managed to do about 55% of the time so far. Plus I have to walk further to the train and to my office. Only good thing is now I have an easy way home at 3 am on a Saturday morning.

The week after moving we went to New York for four days. Much better than the last time around, lots of late nights and drinking and expensive food. Finally got to go to MoMA as well, which was even better than I had hoped. Jennifer Bartlett's "Rhapsody" was the greatest thing ever.

Last weekend was our first relaxing one in about a month, I went to see Saturday Looks Good to Me play on Friday, alone since M was 'tired.' I'm shocked that they don't draw a bigger crowd, there was probably only 35 people there, if that, which is sad considering that in the four bands who played there was about 17 people combined. Usually after I've seen a band live a few times I start complaining about how every show is now selling out and all these new fans weren't there from the beginning like I was. I'm not sure what is wrong with everybody. But I ended up having a great time, bought a couple LPs and had a few drinks with some complete strangers, none of whose names I can recall. My Saturday was crushed by my resulting hangover. No regrets, however.

Abraham Lincoln Delivering a Pizza in a Hurricane

2006-05-02T16:04:00.000-05:00

This week is MOVING WEEK, and today will be the first day going to the new place, with a carload of crap. M compares today with Christmas, but I instead compare it to the time when we rushed around and got unnecessarily stressed out and had a fistfight. We've packed a bunch of stuff, but there is a lot more to go, none of which is mine. But as long as there is no rain this Saturday, and our new place isn't covered with cockroaches, I'll be cool. I've been spending my time trying to find a place to watch sports in the new 'hood; it appears that all my searches combining 'sports bar' and 'wicker park' have returned no results. Most likely I'll be stuck somewhere staring at a totally retro 13 inch black and white screen while sipping a $12 apple-tini and listening to Japanese techno spun by someone whose DJ-moniker is a sex or violence inspired verb.

Cable will not be installed at the new place until (at least) football season, if at all. M is crushed, due to the 27 hours of Home and Garden TV she's been watching a week, especially since it's difficult to find copies of Househunters on YouTube. I, on the other hand, am excited about our return to the rabbit ears, I can imagine a summer filled with late-night walks and actual socializing, of reading a book a week and purifying my mind with actual knowledge. I may also get NetFlix or something.

Aside from baseball highlights (my first ever fantasy baseball team is off to a great start. Granted, it's in a public Yahoo league, but I've always been very self-conscious about my baseball know-how (I didn't know what WHIP meant until recently). But through some impatient competitors and some savvy waiver-wire pickups, my team is stacked with the likes of Berkman, Manny, Andruw Jones, Jason Bay, Giambi, Mauer, Schilling, R. Johnson, Ben Sheets, Chris Capuano, Tom Gordon, and Coco Crisp.) , there's only a few things I'm going to miss on cable before football season:

1. The Colbert Report - I gave mild props to this show awhile back, but lately it is can't-miss. I've even been skipping the Daily Show and not turning on the TV until 10:30 lately. He has worked the early kinks out of his character and the show's format, wielding his masterful use of irony like, uh, Chow Yun Fat in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon did with that weird green sword. Anyway, it's brutally funny, and the strange thing is that idiots seem to enjoy the program too, since they believe he's being sincere. So it's got something for everyone. Colbert actually was the keynote speaker at last weekend's White House Correspondent's Dinner, and said the following while sitting ten feet away from the President:

"I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world."

You can read the entire speech here. For an event which is traditionally filled with gentle Leno-esque lobs and chuckles, there was no punches pulled, and that took some huge balls.

2. Wonder Showzen - Though the new episodes aren't as great as the first season's, this show remains one of the most disturbing things on television. Picture Sesame Street, except with the puppets getting sex change operations and harassing homeless people on the street, plus small children reporters asking stockbrokers "When the revolution comes, where will you hide?" and other questions. M says the show gives her nightmares, it's just that good. Lots of clips on YouTube.

Uh, well, a list of two things isn't much of a list. Just missing the cut: Pardon the Interruption, South Park (non Oprah's talking vagina episodes only), and the Real World. I pray to God my TV reception is good enough to watch the season finale of Veronica Mars next week.

Last weekend I watched about 15 of the 17 televised hours of the NFL draft, something I haven't been able to do for a number of years. It was great, save for the ESPN personalities and their various quirks. I don't know if you are regulars on the great sports blog Deadspin.com, but you will never look at Chris Berman's face again the same way if you read this, and then this, this, this, and this. Disturbing, yes, but a great new catchphrase = priceless.

I got an email last Friday saying I've been awarded two tickets to the Friday May 12th taping of Late Night with Conan in Chicago. I'll be in New York, but if anyone wants to pretend to be me for a day (and fulfill your greatest fantasy) I'd be happy to give you the email. I'm not sure how they're going to be checking people, it sounds more like it's going to be first come/first served anyway.

I went to see the "Comedians of Comedy" tour last Friday, featuring the stand-up comedy of Patton Oswalt, Eugene Mirman, Brian Posehn, and Maria Bamford. It was great; I've never been to any sort of comedy show in which I've actually laughed before. And I laughed a lot. That is all.

High Expectations

2006-04-23T00:03:00.000-05:00

Some things are great, some things suck, but some things should be great and end up sucking hard, which is perhaps the greatest crime of all. Here is a short list:

1. Love Monkey - This is the name of the unfortunately-titled CBS dramedy which was cancelled after three aired episodes. I was pretty stoked about this, given the following info: Starring Tom Cavanagh (from "Ed"), about a indie record company executive who has crazy adventures with women, though his obviously true love is one of his close friends. Going in, I imagined this as a sort of "High Fidelity" as a running series, which would be fucking awesome. At the very least, I figured the record company setting would provide references to Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and Madvillain that would distract me from any plot mistakes, plus T.C. is undeniably likable. But, WOW, what a fucking mess. Any possible hipster music references were replaced with jarring errors ("Hey, this two-disc 'Essential Bob Dylan' contains every song he ever recorded") and the fact that we are supposed to buy guest-star (and John mutherfucking Mayer wannabe Teddy Geiger (as 'Wayne') as the next big musical thing. It seems like a bunch of square 40 year olds were attempting to be as cool as possible. To make a long story short, watching the first three episodes made me blush with embarrassment. In fact, this show inspired this entire blog post, and the term 'love monkey' is now being used as an adjective to describe something that has greatly failed expectations.

2. The Raconteurs - Another total love monkey is the collaboration between Jack White, Brendan Benson, and the rhythm section from the Greenhornes, which should have been the greatest band ever. Their first album doesn't come out until next month, but I've heard it a few times, and while there are a few good moments (haven't ruled it out for best of 2K6 yet), it certainly isn't anything worth writing home about. Perhaps if I was a bit older I would have remembered the Traveling Wilburys.

3. R.E.M.'s Up - In 1997, my favorite band lost their drummer to retirement, which is always a bad sign, but expectations didn't wane. A year later, they came out with their 11th album, which I listened to religiously and convinced myself it was great. It was only after seeing the tour that I realized it was mostly bad, and the declination in musical quality caused a re-evaluation of my entire spiritual belief system, and upped the presence of my fear of aging.

Note:

2006-04-23T00:02:00.000-05:00

Dead to me:Those who've been invited to the HI-COOL blog but haven't contributed. You guys are f'ing assholes. Seriously.

Listen, lady, put the phone down

2006-03-30T14:43:00.000-06:00

In slightly over a month, we're moving. Just across town, for no real reason. There are certain thing about Hyde Park I'm going to miss: DOC Films, Dixie Kitchen, being two blocks from the lake, a few people who I should see more often, and the free exercise area on the top floor of my building that I haven't used in nine months. The new place is, well, less than three blocks away from the fictional Championship Vinyl, in a neighborhood that gets a lot of press. Hopefully it will be an easy move and a good place to live, the apartment features a front sunporch, dishwasher, built in bookshelves, a huge kitchen, hardwood floors, and four multi-purpose rooms. A step downward in terms of quality from the ivory tower in which we currently reside, and we made a rather spontaneous judgment, so fingers crossed for no stories of shockingly cold water, formidable insects, random power outages, unbearably hot summers, unbearably noisy nearby trains, severe lack of closet space, and repeated home invasions. We shall see.

One positive that will arise from our new location is proximity to several live music venues, which will mean many opportunities for getting into trouble. Now going to concerts requires much planning. I'm seeing the Mates of State w/ Saturday Looks Good To Me on 4/6, which should be great, and then The Silver Jews on 4/14.

Ironic: I'm going to New York for four days the second week in May, which is the week Conan O'Brien is doing his show from Chicago, which I probably am not lucky enough to get tickets for.

Speaking of concerts, the B&S/NPs show a few weeks ago was one of the best concerts I've ever seen/heard. Maybe it that I'm used to small horrible-sounding club shows and crowded horribly sounding outdoor festivals, but the sound at the Riverside Theater in Milwaukee was the best I've ever heard, and both bands were on the top of their games. I was won over by Belle big time, going in with moderate expectations only, but they managed to play their best material and elevate their filler to excellent status. The Pornographers had to rush through their set, but had a couple of four part harmony moments that gave me chills (Testament to Youth in Verse was an unexpected highlight).

The Hi-Cool Blog is officially up and running, see link to the right.

Heat + Crowds + Music + Allergies = Awesome

2006-03-23T15:44:00.000-06:00

Living in a major metropolitan area sometimes has its perks. Last year I made my first-and-second-ever appearances at real live music festivals, and had a pretty good time. This year the bands playing are even better, so it figures to be great. Here's some highlights, most of these lineups are only half-complete however, so more goodness to be added.

Pitchfork Music Festival (July 29-30) Two day pass = $30
Spoon
Yo La Tengo
Silver Jews
Ted Leo/Rx
The National
The Mountain Goats
Mission of Burma
*I already have tickets for this one. I've seen/will have seen (SJs) most of these bands already, and none are disappointing live. Plus the price is crazy delicious.

Intonation Music Festival (June 24-25) Two day pass = $35
The Streets
Bloc Party
Annie
Jon Brion
Boredoms
*This one I'm not so sure about. I'll probably need some more names added before I can get tickets. Not sure how The Streets would be live, not sure how Jon Brion will be outdoors, not sure if I like Bloc Party at all.

Lollapalooza (August 4-6) Three day pass = $145 plus shipping
Kanye West
Sonic Youth
Flaming Lips
New Pornographers
Sleater-Kinney
The Raconteurs
Mates of State
Death Cab for Cutie
The Shins
Wilco
Eels
Blackalicious
Ryan Adams
Common
Of Montreal
The Hold Steady
The Frames
The Go! Team
The Red Hot Chili Peppers are headlining too, but who cares?
*This lineup is terrific, plus rumors of Beck, Strokes, Built to Spill. Lolla last year was good but only had a few highlights (Arcade Fire, Black Keys, Kaiser Chiefs). This year it expands to 3 days (meaning a Friday off work?) and price is a little steep. I'm debating it now, but final decision may hinge on if Sonic Youth/The Flaming lips, who are touring together, play another show in Chicago. Considering that for the same price I could go to 7-8 shows where bands are not subjected to 50 minute sets and an apathetic crowd instead, I'll have to think about this.

That said, if I actually have friends interested in going to any of these, it would be a lot easier to warrant throwing down $. I usually have no problem going to shows solo, but when it's outside and I'm drinking only water even I can sometimes start to feel lame. Seriously, even me. For real. So let me know if anyone is interested in a weekend vacation.

Hi-Cool

2006-03-10T23:03:00.000-06:00

Attention Everyone: I'm creating a new blog called 'hi-cool', whose posts will only consist of haikus, in the traditional 5-7-5 syllable format, any subject is fine. I'd like to invite any of you reading this to become contributing member of the site. If I get six people to write one tiny little haiku a week, we'd have a lot to look at. It's all about quantity, not quality, obvs.

If anyone is interested, or mildly interested, or just bored, please send me an email at scentralrain AT yahoo DOT COM. I haven't written a poem since it was required by school, so this should be interesting. The more the merrier.

The End of Medicine

2006-03-10T22:35:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow I'm forgoing any top o' the morning green beer drinking to go to Milwaukee and see the most anticipated concert since... hmm... in terms of a double bill I can't think of much that competes with it, save for Sleater-Kinney/White Stripes in 2000, but since I hadn't heard of the WS's before then I can't say it was 'most anticipated.' Maybe R.E.M./Wilco the year before? Beulah/Mates of State? Detroit Cobras/Greenhornes? Mates of State/SLGTM (a combo I'll see again next month)? Nevertheless, Belle & Sebastian/The New motherfucking Pornographers is going to be pretty sweet, though I wished the NPs played last instead of first. Nothing against B&S, M and I have all of their albums between us, their new one is their best in 10 years, and the great B-side 'Your Cover's Blown' made my Best of 2004, but the NPs seem much more suited to rocking the house live. I've seen them before, in 2001, when they had one album under their belt, playing at the Annex in Madison with the incomparable Neko Case (don't click if you're at work!) in tow, terrific show, they even played "My Slow Descent into Alcoholism" twice for some bizarre reason. Tomorrow they'll be sans-Neko but no less awesome, I'm hoping.

I'm taking next Friday off of work to sit on my couch and watch basketball all day long.

It's been over six months since I've gotten a haircut, my little way of sticking it to the man.

Happy 6 months anniversary to M/Andy. Though the term '6 mo.s anniversary' doesn't really make sense.

Yesterday I wore a tie to work and had some meetings with important people. I'm not sure if I dazzled, but I did stay awake the entire time.

NCAA basketball tournament preview to come.

Props, Vol. 3

2006-03-10T21:02:00.000-06:00

"Props!" is a reoccuring feature on this site that will basically consist of a short list of things that are cool, things that are awesome, things that are recommended, and things that rule. I, therefore, will be giving mad "props" to everything on the list. You can read the first installment here, and the second here. I can't believe I haven't done this since August. I'm really not that busy, I just need encouragement.

1. The Unicorns "Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone?" This album made my best of 2K3, but I stupidly forgot to include on my over-hyped Top 100 list awhile back. The 'band', which I believe was two 19-yr-old Canadian kids at the time, is now broken up, but it's much better to burn out than blah blah blah. Piccolo solos and exuberant pop music without any choruses or repetition at all. Takes awhile to love (about 2.5 years for me). Dave Eggers once wrote that it's helpful to imagine the band as made entirely of candy. Listen to 2 songs and read more and then buy here.

2. The Microphones "The Glow Pt. 2" Speaking of growers, I've been listening to the microphones since 2000's It was hot, we stayed in the water, but despite my best efforts could never fully appreciate them. This album I've had on my iPod for months, and it took a few listens on headphones before I got it. Got the CD a few weeks ago, finally, and it's even better, good for nights you can't sleep or days when it's too cold to go outside. Acousticky strums, sudden walls of noise, faint tugboat recordings, murmured offkey vocals, sound that creeps into your head and never leaves. In a good way. All analog recording style, feels warm and comforting, somehow, improves upon each listen. See more and purchase at the K records site here.

3. SportsNight Aaron Sorkin's first series was something I barely noticed when it was on, but was one of my first DVD discoveries, and remains one of my favorite TV programs ever, and possibly best half-hour show. I rushed through the box set in a couple weeks, me and my roommate at the time pretended that all our conversations were written by A.S. for weeks afterwards. Such as:
N: Did you do the dishes?
K: The dishes?
N: Yes, the dishes. Did you do them?
K: Yes, I did the dishes.
N: Are you sure?
K: Yes, I did the dishes.
N: Seriously?
K: Yes, washed and dried.
N: OK, because usually you don't do the dishes.
K: I did the dishes. Except there's just one thing...
N: What's that?
K: I didn't do the the dishes.
As you can tell, it was HILARIOUS! I've probably cruised through the 45 episodes about 4 times since then, each no less rewarding. Buy it on DVD here. Sorkin has a brand new series on NBC this fall, called Studio 60 . Sure to be best evah!

4. Energy drinks + Alcohol. Please treat this one responsibly, aka when you can afford to stay awake until 4 a.m. I'm a pretty quiet person, and shy around new people. Therefore, I tend to appreciate the times when I am neither of these things. For some reason, other people tend to feel the same way. When I was single and looking: 50% of the time it worked 100% of the time.

5. Are You the Favorite Person of Anybody? This is a short film directed by Miguel Arteta (The Good Girl and Chuck and Buck) and written by Miranda July (Me and You and Everyone We Know), starring John C. Reilly, MJ, and others. As far as I know, the only place you can see it is on No. 1 of McSweeney's new DVD quarterly called Wholphin, which you can find for free in the latest issue of McSwy's or the Dec/Jan issue of their magazine The Believer. (The DVD also contains a Spike Jonze documentary on Al Gore circa 2000, and part of the David O. Russell doc on the latest mess in Iraq.) Check your nearby independent bookstore or go to their website. Anyway, this film is short, sweet, and is nearly exactly what you'd expect upon hearing the title. It prompted much daydreaming for me. Though I like to complain, I can gladly say the answer is "Yes". There haven't been many times in my life when that was the case.

13 o'clock!

2006-02-24T16:29:00.000-06:00

Imagine that tomorrow it takes the earth exactly 26 hours to make a complete rotation, an anomaly that eventually is accepted as a new fact. There are now 26 hours in each day. Assuming no catastrophic Hurri-Typhoon-VolcanoQuakes destroy us all, which of the following would happen?:

1. Non-digital clocks are obsolete. The 13-hour clock face design never catches on, only the exceptionally bright and small children can read them. Rolex and the Swiss are both pretty much screwed.
2. Standard workday is now 10 hours, instead of 8.
3a. With two extra hours in a day, people have time to spend more, which somehow stimulates the economy positively (unemployment down, more $ changing hands). I'm not sure about this one, I'm no economist, just optimistic.
3b. Two more hours to pay for heat/electricity, feed the children, etc = poor become poorer, rich become richer.
4. It takes a generation to adjust our internal clocks to 26 hours, animals around the globe freak out: rabbits become carnivorous.
5. Primetime TV lineup is extended an hour each day. Next on FOX = 'Celebrities vs Carnivorous rabbits!'
6. Over/Under = 2 years: People starting to mutter to themselves "If there were only 27 hours in a day..." without any trace of irony
7. Life Expectancy drops by 10%, since each year is longer, plus spike in rabbit related deaths.

Any other effects?

Mexican Wolves are able to Hot-Wire a car in under 12 Seconds

2006-02-16T21:12:00.000-06:00

Last week I was at a going-away party for a coworker who found a similar but much more lucrative job a few blocks away, drinking an uncountable amount of dollar beers and discovering the simple pleasures of miniature corn dogs. It was around ten, I was dreading my hourlong train/busride home and the slight hangover I'd sport the next workday. Seven people remained at this gathering (which had begun around five), including myself. We were sitting around a table, and seven people suddenly made three pairs plus myself. There were three very interesting conversations going on (I can only assume), none of which I could hear, despite being in the geographical center (verbal triangle?) of the action, due to crowded bar noise and half-deafness. I leaned over to each conversation, attempting to pick up a punchline or at least create the illusion that I was part of the conversation, but it didn't happen. This went on for roughly forty-five minutes, by my estimation. Well, maybe more like three minutes, but that was enough for me to drink my final beer and have painful recollections of my first week (or month?) of my freshman year of high school. Then I ran 80 blocks home.

That same day I had my annual review at work. Everything is satisfactory, apparently.

Last Friday I went to the vastly underrated U of C Pub, and had a terrific time before walking up three flights of stairs and watching SLGTM play for free on a shitty soundsystem. Different drummer, no girl singer, they say they're recording a new record in town, played all new songs but the last 3 of the set. Also bought their brand new compilation of non-album tracks, which kind of renders the 7"s and CDEPs I bought of theirs in the past kind of useless. Either way, great show as always, I'll probably see them again in April opening for Mates of State.

Life since then has been a blur of french restaurants, afternoon cooking expeditions, sore throats, laundry, grocery shopping, sentimental schmaltz, and the sweet, nearly-forgotten taste of a giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin and tonic.

Take me away to Pina Colada-town

2006-02-04T20:00:00.000-06:00

Sometime in mid to late October it was decided that I'd be going to Mexico in late January. Since then days lost nearly all meaning except in their proximity to the Jan 20th departure date. A bad day at work? That's okay, in 2 months and 12 days I'll be in Mexico. Another bad day at work? That's okay, only 2 months and 11 days til Mexico. Another bad day at work? That's okay, only 41 actual days of work until Mexico, et cetera ad nauseum. So now I'm back, a week of work post Mexico, nine days and six hours since the plane touched down. Needless to say this past week has provided a resurgence of my always ongoing existential crisis, the one that began a few years ago when I started having panic attacks brought on by thoughts of death without an afterlife, my conservative upbringing fully countered (if not beaten into submission) by my liberal education and/or rejecting of the 'ignorance is bliss' caveat. Anywho, one week down two thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine to go, ha ha ha ha.

Mexico ruled, I think my first three days there were the most peaceful I've had in succession in several years, if not ever. Lying on the beach with a steady rotation of drinks in my hand, eating way too much food of every possible ethnic variety whenever I felt like it, laughingly trying to utilize the fifty words I know in Spanish to the locals, the sun, the red-flagged waves that repeatedly swept out my legs like the Cobra Kai, and the white beach sand that was always cool on my feet despite the high temperature. The last few days were diminished (only slightly) by clouds, cooler temperatures, and the inevitable feeling that I couldn't stay forever, and would return to reality with only a t-shirt, cheap maracas, a surprisingly slight suntan, and two bottles of tequila as evidence of the experience. But the number one highlight probably occurred on the last full day we were there, swimming in a cenote (sinkhole) a few miles away from Chichen Itza, a hundred feet underground in water that was 150 feet deep, with roots and sun and small waterfalls spilling onto our heads, jumping timidly off small cliffs into the freshest water I've ever seen or tasted. There are 290 digital pictures and 75 on film, at least a couple will be posted when I get around to it.

So I've been back and have done nothing of note. Stayed home mostly, made a delicious 15-bean and ham soup, went out for middle eastern food once, tried to exercise but couldn't find my 'work-out shorts', today went to see 'The New World' and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Coming as soon as possible: 'A new edition of 'Props', a stat-heavy breakdown of my annual "best of 200-" albums as compared with the general critical consensus, something about NFL Football or college basketball, and funnier, better written posts with no mention whatsoever about how boring things are or of death.

Unnoticeabull

2006-01-19T14:34:00.000-06:00

I haven't had a chance to watch SportsCenter or anything, but according to the InterWeb, the big story this morning is that Antonio Davis went into the stands at the Bulls/Knicks game last night when he thought his wife was being threatened. What is interesting is that if this is the biggest sports story of the year, which it obviously shouldn't be, then I, and the rest of section 314 at the United Center, somehow missed out on it completely.

I was at the game, and the incident apparently occurred with only a minute left in OT. A few minutes earlier, there was a bit of a fight and a double ejection, which everyone saw. The Davis incident didn't cause much more than a ripple in the opposing crowd, it was so low key that the crowd never had any chance to jeer or boo, and I didn't even hear the announcement that he was ejected. Perhaps all of this is due to the fact that I was approximately 4,348 feet away from the scene, and extremely lightheaded due to the high altitude. Also, since our seats were roughly in the corner of the court, and on the aisle, every time some idiot kid decided to walk down the stairs and help himself to eight dollar nachos my view was completely cut off. The experience was surreal in the sense that until the waning moments of the 4th quarter and OT, the crowd was virtually silent during gameplay, and only made noise during the between-period breaks and time-out filling moments such as the Duncan Donuts Race, the 'hilarious' antics of Benny the Bull, the dudes armed with T-shirt bazookas, and the delightfully whorish choreography of the 'Love-a-bulls' dancers. Since I generally hate even going to people's houses to watch games on TV because half the people there usually spend more time exchanging recipes for spinach dip than comparing assist to turnover ratio (or explaining why Peyton Manning sucks or whatever), the experience of sitting, trying to focus, with 20,000 distracted people was at times painful. Regardless, the game was sloppy but good, Ben Gordon (who's on my underachieving fantasy basketball team) scored 32 including the buzzer-beater to win it.

I'll be back in a week, amigos!

Gimme a Breaksville!

2006-01-16T15:45:00.000-06:00

In four days I'm going to Mexico, to this place here. I've kept quiet about it to not upset the vengeful travel gods, who love nothing better than smiting overjoyed vacationers (see 2005, June). I'm also trying to downplay any excitement that would cause the rest of the week to be unbearable. I'm also, due to my cynical nature, trying to make a list of all the potential disasters that could occur while on the trip. The ten-day forecast is already showing an unseasonal week of rain. I'm remarkably cocky about my linguistic skillz, despite the fact that I dropped out of second-semester Spanish in college not once but twice. I can't imagine avoiding what will surely be a horrific sunburn. I may get bored of sitting by the beach all day. I mean, obviously it will be nicer weather than Chicago, and obvs it will be more enjoyable than working, but could all this vacation $ be better spent on a low-end plasma TV? I'm always big on experiences, but planning them ahead of time can be hit or miss. This concludes me complaining about going to Mexico for a week. I'm excited, don't get me wrong.

Here was my Saturday: Wake up when M gets home at 9, half-sleep another hour. Eat cereal and read for a bit. Move to the couch at 11 am. Watch Iowa-Penn St basketball game, watch Wisconsin-Northwestern basketball game, watch Wash-Seattle playoff game, watch NE-Den playoff game. I think I ate food and possibly showered sometime in there. I stayed on the couch for most of SNL too. But 11.5 straight hours of sports was quite nice. Sometime around hour 5 or 6 I had the idea that I'd take off of work the first Thursday and Friday of the NCAA basketball tournament. See, this is where a wide screen plasma high definition TV would come in handy. I have 20" of regular ol' basic TV, which was a high school graduation present. I'm an unintentional luddite.

Gambling tip #1: If you live in a city with a major sports team, you'll always be able to find some sucker who is willing to make a straight-up bet on them against substantial odds. Due to the Bears not making the Super Bowl, I win $20. Hooray!

Bought tickets to a co-headlining New Pornographers/Belle & Sebastian show in March, going to be awesome. Seeing Ted Leo the day before, too.

I've had an upset stomach since yesterday; most likely my trip is going to be ruined.

Happy Year of the Whisper Quiet Maytag Dishmaster!

2006-01-03T16:23:00.000-06:00

It seems like i'm on a once every two week kick around here, something I'll try to remedy soon. I'll add it to the resolution list:
Eat Better/Exercise:New Year's Resolutions::RSTLN E:Wheel of Fortune Bonus Round. Also reading more things that aren't on a computer screen, unless I'm writing them. Also go out and drink more often but drink less quantities of alcohol overall. Get out of bed earlier, work harder. Get through at least one conversation with someone, anyone, but preferably with someone I don't know well, without fearing that they have quickly lost interest in whatever I'm saying and are only being polite before finding the chance to end said conversation (the only times in my approx. 26.6667 years that this has happened is when I'm the one being polite and looking for a way out (which represents a small percentage of overall conversations), so what I'm really saying is, I suppose, is have more conversations that are mutually appealing, without the urge to bang my head against a hard surface either after or during.) Also: cook interesting but practical meals.

Christmas was basically a long weekend with lots of gifts changing hands and driving. We got our load of things to try and cram into our apartment (which will be doable once we obtain and assemble our fifth bookshelf.) My personal highlight was absolutely destroying my family playing poker on Christmas Eve, despite the fact that I haven't played in nearly two years. But overall it was quick and also exhausting. The following 4-day workweek was among my worst work week's ever, and it seemed roughly twice as long. Thursday night I broke my routine to go out with coworkers for drinks. Several hours later the 'drinks' were the equivalent of roughly 13 beers, all consumed without any food since my two-sandwich lunch around noon. Needless to say, the fact that I was conscious enough to find my way 85 blocks home was remarkable in itself, with no permanent damage save for a nasty scratch on my new inessential cell phone from when I dropped it either before or after a failed attempt to call one of my coworkers and shout something loud into the phone. I made it to work around 10 the next morning, luckily it was a slow pre-holiday day. This episode was enough for me to avoid regretting not having fun, sexy plans for new year's eve, which I largely spent alone at home trying to fix my ipod. As midnight fireworks were heard emanating from downtown, I was on hour seven in the process and (obviously) too wired from sheer adrenaline to notice the passing of one calendar year closer to my (fiery?) (watery?) (sticky?) grave.

Later there was champagne and cake and a trip to a Nepalese (sp?) restaurant in the north suburbs and watching the excellent and highly recommended 'The Squid and the Whale' afterwards. (TSATW, along with 'Me and You and Everyone we Know' make up the entirety of my 'best of 2005' film list, fyi)

The Best of 2005 CD should be in several hands already, and others will have to wait until I get CD-packing envelopes and make a trip to the Post Office. Best Year Ever? You can be the judge.

and THAT's why you don't use a one-armed person to scare someone

2005-12-20T15:06:00.000-06:00

N: Can I dropkick you?
M: No, you'll hurt yourself.
N: No, seriously. You can just stand, uh, over there (points to area near front door) and I'll come running around from the bathroom and then jump up and kick you with both feet at once. It'll be awesome.
M: No.
N: C'mon! It'll take like three seconds. It's only fair, I went to see the Nutcracker ballet with you yesterday, and that was like an hour and a half. All I'm asking for is three seconds.
M: No.
N: You are so selfish. This is why we will never get married. Because you won't let me dropkick you.

the Xmas holiday means a three-day weekend, so I'll be in the town of my birth from about noon on Saturday until 2 pm on Monday or so. Anyone who wants to ditch their family can let me know.

Oh, that reminds me, I now have a cellular telephone. I'm not sure how I feel about it. My newly purchased ringtone is 'the final countdown' by europe. Luckily no one calls me, because no one knows the number. Plus, you know, I have a phone at home and work already.

Xmas shopping is done, we had our office xmas party last week, it was eight beers of a good time.

Best of 2005 should be finished up in the next couple days, I'm pretty sure 'trapped in a closet' is NOT going to make the cut. I'll be bringing a few copies home for the weekend, the others will be mailed out next week after the assembly line churns them out and I buy enough envelopes. I lost everyone's addresses who got one last year, so everyone should send me an email to remind me (scentralrain@yahoo.com).

Like a Kitten in a Blender

2005-12-06T22:06:00.000-06:00

The Charlie Brown Christmas special is way overrated. The beginning is okay, sets the premise nicely, C.B. is depressed about Christmas. Okay, awesome. Then we have roughly 18 minutes of filler, as the kids dance around to the Vince Guaraldi soundtrack and bitch at CB for awhile. Bore City. Then we have Linus (who, I've never realized, is kind of a douche) speech about the baby Jesus and whatnot, which causes my very liberal (and possibly atheistic) mind to cringe violently. CB runs off to kill himself or something, and the rest of the asshole kids turn his tree with four pine needles into a perfect triangular Xmas tree masterpiece, following by the humming then singing of hymns, and the end credits. Bullshit. Two yawns up.

Speaking of the upcoming holiday, I've yet to do any sort of shopping. I have a few ideas. For instance, the Lagattas are getting the basketball that was supposed to be part of their wedding gift but which stupid Sears decided to vaporize. M will get a pair of diamond earrings (well, she wants one diamond, so how much better will two be?). My parents will get the same cheap crappy things they ask for every year, unless I can think of anything better. Hopefully I'll be inspired to shop soon, next year I'll do everything on some boring October day. I hate the crowds. And I've been too busy at work to shop online.

Last weekend was the semi-annual weekend of excitement and fun. And getting lost on the north side. Friday I went to see the Black Keys, alone since my coworker backed out. It was a good show, and I sold my extra ticket without a loss. Only problem was that I left my house at 8 pm, got home about 1 am, and the show lasted only an hour. I tried taking the bus to the el, but that took forever, then when i got off the train I went the wrong way, so then I finally found the place and found the person who said she was going to buy my ticket, and then some sort of chaos happened. I'm too confused to tell the story, but it ended up taking me another 15 minutes to get rid of my ticket. I got inside for the opening act's last song. the opening act was this 60ish dude who put a soul record out in the sixties, then retired until now. The song he played was his big hit, called 'Love and Affection in the House of Correction', which, now that I think about it, could be the most disturbing song title in the history of modern music. The song also repeatedly contained the phrase 'shake what your momma gave ya,' and I'm not sure if he, Nathaniel Mayer, coined it himself or if it existed prior, or if he just added it to the 05 version of the song. The dude's voice, unfortunately, due to far too many years of hard living, was barely one step about the people who have to hold an electronic voicebox to their throats to speak. Then I waited around for about a half hour, then TBKs came on and rocked out, but didn't do anything different than when I saw them at Lolla this summer. I left and took el plus bus home, took forever, and by then my quickly induced buzz from five hours earlier had worn off.

The next day I got up and went back up north, this time to meet some coworkers at a bar at 1130 am. I didn't leave the bar til 330, and when I did it was to go to someone's apartment and drink more. I also had my first cigarette and first hit of pot since 2003, both of which were ultrafantastique. I didn't head back home until 930, and of course I got lost and it took me nearly an hour and a half. Best day ever? Best in a couple months, anyway.

I've decided that the Daily Show is only good during the election season. I mean, it's funny and everything, but mostly all that happens is they show a clip of W making as ass of himself, and then J. Stewart looks at the camera. Which is funny, don't get me wrong, but why do we need the middleman? We could just gather around some pals and pop in a tape of GW, hilarity ensues. Well, kudos to the Daily Show's editors at least. But I've actually been enjoying the Colbert Report more, since it's actual satire.

Funny in my last post: I criticized Wake Forest's free throw shooting skillz, and they end up hitting 26 for 29 in beating the badgers by 3.

I still keep hearing a rumor that I'm getting a cellphone. Maybe this week, even.

Upcoming events: Friday is our office holiday potluck. Most people are boycotting due to the recent firings. M said she'd make some brownies for me. Out of a box. Sweetness. Friday night is M's holiday party, which means free drinks for me. Check the 12/04 archives for a recap of last years exciting event.

Til I Get My Way

2005-11-29T16:16:00.000-06:00

Tonight I get the rare opportunity to watch the UW basketball Badgers play on TV, thanks to newfound cable and the big ten/acc challenge. "We've" already struggled with Eastern Kentucky and Old Dominion this year, the former being a come from behind double OT thrilla, and are on the road at Wake Forest, but I think we have a shot, Wake commits too many turnovers and can't shoot free throws.

Thanksgiving weekend was spent in the confines of my apartment, save for a brief foray downtown on saturday night. M's family arrived to provide the kind of shocking drama you only usually see in movies or on TV. No details here, sorry. Otherwise I picked up a whopping 5 games on my dad in our family football pick em pool, going from being down 2 to up 3, giving myself a realistic chance to have the best pigskin prognosticating record in my immediate family for the first time since 1992. But seriously, who would pick Detroit, even on Thanksgiving? I fear for his mental health.

Only four thousand words to go before I give up non-bloggy writing forever. December is National Start Exercising and Lose at Least Five Pounds and Stop Feeling Sluggish All The Time and Maybe The Approximately Three Liters of Scotch I've Drank While Writing Has Something To Do With It Month. Ab-roller, it's been far too long. What, I have a free exercise room in my building? Who knew?

I'm crazy exited about this. Best of 2006 for sures! Speaking of, if anyone wants a best of 2005 CD who didn't get one last year, let me know by the middle of December. I begin working my mix-tape magic next week!

Music: I'm seeing The Black Keys on Friday at the Metro, I'm super excited. Haven't been to a show in so long, and these guys are grrreat. Problem is the coworker I am supposed to go with is suddenly trying to flake out on me.

How long are Thanksgiving leftovers good for? We've inherited enough food to feed a small elite ninja squad for a week, but I've barely made a dent in it. That said, dinner tonite: Thanksgiving leftovers.

A couple months ago I got a mailing with an offer for a discounted subscription to MAXIM magazine. Usually, I just throw these in the trash absentmindedly, but this one I didn't throw away immediately, mostly because I was lazy. M says "Are you going to get MAXIM?" I said "eh?" She says, "i don't care, you can get it if you want" and I say "Fine, I'll get it!" and sent back the subscription card. Now I have an eighteen-month subscription to fucking MAXIM. I've already received two issues. Pictures of breasts? Check. Sarcastic captions in small-print? Check. Content that reads like it's trying to target a man so one-dimensional that he would be more realistic and multi-faceted if his sole characteristics and personality were derived from a 1987 Elaine Boosler stand-up comedy special? Ch-ch-check. I can barely page through a whole issue without getting a headache, and the pictures aren't even that great. I have a theory that the magazine is actually written and edited by a bunch of smart guys who read Harper's on the subway ride home from work. Then they go to work the next day, and say, "Okay, let's make our magazine for guys who are too stupid to get through the articles in Esquire or GQ and live in their stepmom's basement." I have made many mistakes in my life, and this ranks in the top 1000.

The engine of the corporate machine is greased with the blood of the working man, Or, Rise Up, Comrades!

2005-11-18T15:04:00.000-06:00

The corporate world sucks. Yesterday eight of my coworkers were 'let go.' It's a pretty big chunk, considering our company has only maybe 60 people or thereabouts. A couple of the people who were fired weren't very good employees, and I would've fired them a long time ago if I had the power. But some were, and one had been here 27 years.

I dodged the bullet since either:
A) My wide range of knowledge is too valuable to risk losing
B) I get paid less than everyone else who works here, by far.

I'm not sure if this is really a corporate thing, either. Are there any jobs that don't work like this? Doctors don't get downsized, do they? Lawyers? The big problem is that people get rich by finding the least amount of people to work for the least amount of money. My dad lost his job, along with everyone else is his factory, a few years ago because of this. I figure I am safe for now, since my (alleged) future potential and low wages deem me worth keeping, despite my relatively low production. But at what point does the balance shift? In five years? Ten? I don't know, but something tells me I won't be sticking around to find out. Of the eight who were fired, I don't think any were younger than 40. Maybe one in their late 30s or so. If I was to get fired once in my life, I'd want it to be when I was 26 instead of when I'm 46 with six kids and a house.

This weekend will be spent doing laundry and writing. One of the guys who got fired is my opponent in this week's Fantasy Football game, so I'll feel guilty if I win. Though both of us should be in the playoffs either way.

Taste the Happy!

2005-11-15T16:33:00.000-06:00

You are all probably a lost cause by now, but you can buy the Season 1 and Season 2 DVDs of Arrested Development from amazon for only $31.94 (scroll down to Best Value)

I've gots blistahs on me fingahs!

2005-11-14T15:39:00.000-06:00

Note to any aspiring writers out there: If you are attempting to write a novel in a month, or in any length of time for that matter, it would be a good idea if you had some idea of a plot when you were nearly half done. At the very least, at least have one very defined and interesting character, someone who could carry the reader even if there wasn't much of a plot. Coincidentally, I have neither of these in any of my 18797 words or 55 pages so far. I write bad sentences, but can't delete them, wary of the hit my word county would take. So, it's all crap. This weekend i wrote zero words on friday, over 3000 on saturday (mostly all after 10 pm) and another couple thousand yesterday. I'm still 3K behind where I should be, and am thinking about staying in my apartment alone over thanksgiving weekend in order to make finishing possible. Since my only other option is traveling to Iowa, it's quite possible.

Spending 60 hours a week at a computer limits the number of humorous anecdotes I may have, unless you count scoring an all-time high with my Samkon Gado-led fantasy football team and still getting beat. (the WSs are now in a third place tie with a 6-4 record, for shame!)

I was just thinking it would be awesome if sometime next spring I came upon a large sum of money. I want to travel again, 2k3-style. With my current job I've already broken the record of most consecutive months in full-time employment by the same company, without getting a five month break in the middle to drink a lot and feel depressed. I have business cards now. I actually met with a financial advisor last week, and he tried to make me discuss some vague plans for retirement. RETIREMENT! Are you kidding me? I hemmed and hawed for a bit, then threw down a smoke bomb and escaped to go home and play Nintendo and eat Nachos.

Two sips from the cup of human kindness and I'm shit-faced

2005-11-11T14:04:00.000-06:00

It's Friday afternoon, I'm just getting over a little 'our company is doing so poorly and I'm the person with the least experience so maybe I'll get downsized today' ride to work this morning. I planned on telling everyone off and spending the rest of the weekend drunk. Oh well, one out of two ain't bad. HA!

Real weekend plans include:
tonight: ?
tomorrow: try to catch up on NaNoWriMo. I've got 13,290 words so far (officially the longest piece of writing by me, evah), two pages of which are actually semi-decent, by my low standards. The other 40 are shit. Seriously. Garbage. My plan is to try and write 1800 tonight after M goes to sleep and write 5000 tomorrow in three shifts, which will catch me up to where I should be. Should be manageable, aside from the UW/Iowa game I've got nothing to do. If you are interested, you can see my progress here. Remember, it's all about quantity, not quality.

Last weekend my parents came, and it was OK. We stayed in the neighborhood the whole time they were here, went out to eat a couple times, went to the MoS&I, and played 'Cranium,' which seemed to make my dad sick with embarrassment. It was a little weird.

Found out today the Arrested Development has been cut from 22 to 13 episodes this season, and will inevitably be cancelled for real this year. I'm not surprised, but obviously it sucks. Last monday featured the two best eps of the season. 'The jury is still out on science.' ha, ha, cry.

I remember when I was a little kid, and my dad watched the Packer game every Sunday, even though the team would always be 4-12 or 6-10 for the season. I really didn't get into football until I was 12 or 13, which was when the packers started winning. Now, as my team sits at 1-7 for the year, it just seems surreal. I mean, they really don't seem THAT bad, just a few plays away from having a 4-4 record. Is this just denial on my part? Maybe. At least we'll do better next year when we have a cake schedule.

I'm the worst blogger evah lately, but better than most of my readers, at least. Honestly you guys.

Last night I convinced M to leave the apartment on a school night and go see 'Pickpocket' at the Music Box Theater. I call it one of my fave movies ever, but I had only seen it once before, while in school. Criterion collection DVD comes out this month, ch-ch-check it out. Worth it for the train (& train station) scene alone.

Just this minute I saw a piece of paper underneath my monitor stand that was from the person who lived in my cube before me. For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to pull it out. Now my black pants are covered in dust. Rad.

I'm trying to read a borrowed copy of David Foster Wallace's 'Infinite Jest' this month. It's so good, but going to take me awhile. Also, due to its influence, I've started using footnotes in my 'novel.' (IJ actually uses endnotes) Also bought 'The Better of McSweeneys' online for only $13. Looks great, but it'll have to wait for a bit.

One day after I signed an online petition to not allow drilling in the ANWR, the provision was taken out of the house bill. Coincidence? Maybe, but that reminds me I should sign the annual 'Save Arrested Development' petition right now.

Post of substance will return someday.

Trapped in the closet, chapters 6-8

2005-11-04T15:16:00.000-06:00

Tonight my parents are visiting. I need to clean the bathroom and make the bed. They are staying in the 'hospitality suite' in my building, and leaving sunday early enough to make it home before the 3:15 packer game. They'll probably arrive too late tonight to do much, but I hear that tomorrow we'll go to the Museum of Science and Industry. Should be good times, haven't seen them for four months, and the time apart always makes our meetings more pleasant. That, and the fact that usually we end up all drinking together as well.

My novel has 5440 words to date, only 44,560 to go. I'll probably fall behind this weekend. So far it is the worst thing ever. Stay tuned.

I will no longer do the Devil's Dishes

2005-10-31T21:44:00.000-06:00

Today at work, while sending off a last minute super urgent need this yesterday document to a client, I marveled at my impressive work ethic. You see, it was quite late, and, though tempted by the chance to go home, I stuck it out and made some magic happen. (this was after I found out I lost both of the two biggest accounts I've seen since August). The brief moment spent 'in the zone' made up for the late hours.

Until I realized that it was only 15 minutes later than I usual stay. Since it was dark by 4:15 I lost track of things. I wonder if I should go into work earlier during the winter? It's weird, now I've been getting up around 7:45 and getting to the office at 8:50; at my previous job I got up at 6:30 and to work by 8 on the dot. I rarely stay up past 11, so that means way too much sleep. Granted, some of that sleep is spent hitting the snooze bar 8 times before M finally leaves, I'm not sure how much of that counts.

Last weekend sucked. I should have been getting tear-gassed on State St, instead I ended up staying home and did nothing. I had a party invite, but it was on the north side and I didn't have a clear transportation plan for the way home. As promised, Saturday morning I did shave my 40 day beard into the most hideous moustache ever. M came home around 5 pm. I think if she would have found me in bed with 2 girls and a guy she would have been less pissed off. Despite protest, it stayed attached until the next day, and was showed off for all the neighborhood to see. Now I look 8 years younger and have a spring in my step.

I just finished the "Veronica Mars" season 1 dvd. Highly recommended. Once I catch up on the new episodes I've taped it will join AD as the only shows worth watching. But I doubt it will ever live up to the first season.

The novel writing starts tomorrow, and as of now I am serious about it. I just looked at something I wrote in a week a few years ago (while unemployed, granted) and it was 12,000 words. So I had the pace right, at least. Please leave any random elements or characters you'd like featured in my first novel in the comments section. I will include them in my story, and email you the section in which it occurs. If it turns out semi-non-horrible, I may find a way to post the whole thing. We'll see what happens. I figure once my November is over, I'll be able to devote December to the best of 2k5. Lots of tough choices to make already.

Believing is Art

2005-10-26T16:41:00.000-05:00

The recent 'SWOMF' had its moments, and seemed to be sufficiently magical enough. I did get to watch both of the baseball games, plus go to the Art Institute, but also had to endure migraine-inducing shopping and foot the dinner bill. I am semi-shocked to say that M and I have vaguely similar tastes in art (nothing made before 1900, as a rule). We seemed to spend the most time in the 'contemporary' section. One exhibit was simply a large rectangle filled with brightly wrapped candies. The small card, hidden out of most views, said we were free to take pieces of candy and eat them. So, naturally, I'd repeatedly wait until the room was full of people, then loudly walk over and take a piece of candy, while everyone else waited in horror for security to come and drag me away.

Bonus: The candy was delicious, I had both orange and grape.

Last night: "I'll be to bed soon, the game is in the bottom of the eighth inning..." yawn...

So now that M is finally working harder and longer hours again, I'm going to have a lot more free time on my hands. It just so happens that November is National Novel Writing Month. I've signed up on the website, the deal is you have to write 50,000 words in 30 days. 1,667 words per day. That really didn't sound too tough, except it seems that this blog has only been 18,000 words in the last 8 months. Plus, I haven't written a word of fiction in a million years. But, I signed up, and with you as my witness, will attempt to succeed while documenting my progress here. Just think, someday soon you get to read about my writing something else that will inevitably be too horrible for you to ever read. It's blogger sweeps month!

For some reason I'm having an itch to go bowling. No idea.

I may shave my beard into a mustache just for the weekend. I need to get rid of it so I can get passport photos taken next week. Are there any halloween costumes that involve 5-week mustaches?

A Punch in the Swomf

2005-10-21T16:40:00.000-05:00

Because this is M's last completely free weekend until sometime in January, I have dubbed this weekend as her Swomf. That stands for Special Weekend Of Magical Fun. Believe it or not, I thought of that off the top of my head! (ok, just kidding, it took a 75 minute brainstorming session and an impromptu focus group.)

Here is what the Swomf entails: M gets to decide what we'll do the entire weekend, and I will pretend to like it. She wants to go see a cheap musical? OK, I'm down with that. She wants to go shopping? Um, sure, we just went last week, but OK. She wants to cuddle and talk about marriage? Awesome, I'd much rather do that than watch the White Sox game and drink a dozen beers. If I make it through this alive I'm officially retiring with my 'Best Boyfriend Ever' title intact. Next weekend: Lots of booze and whores. No, scratch that. Every weekend for the rest of the year: lots of booze and whores.

Last weekend was great, save for the four hour block of shopping in the middle. Otherwise, free hotel meant fancy expensive dinners two nights in a row. Plus, the hotel even had a basketball hoop. I won a 45 minute game of horse (barely).

In 27 years, I've drank 50,000 beers

2005-10-12T13:43:00.000-05:00

So the big top 100 list wasn't quite the big hit I envisioned. A modest success, maybe, but no 'punch in the face game' for sure. Oh well.

A couple weeks ago I saw SLGTM play at an ultra-hip bar. We went with a coworker of mine and his girlfriend. It was a solid show as always, sax player was replaced by second guitarist, heard some new songs plus a encore cover of 'Purple Rain' that was surprisingly good for being improvised.

Last week we saw Mates of State, time number 9 for me. Another good show and more new songs. Only problem was, and I feel incredibly old for complaining, that there were a few girls, I'm not sure how old (it was 18+, but I think they had drinks) who were next to us that were dancing with each other so excitedly that I would get bumped by someone's ass at least 90 times per song. Now, I'm not one to discourage ass-bumping, but there is a time and place for it. We weren't even up near the front of the room, more like the middle, and everyone around us was relatively sedate. At first I was glad that they were so excited, they obviously knew all the songs and were having the time of their lives. But then they bumped M. a few times, which instantly made her so angry that I thought I was going to be forced to break up a FITE! We changed positions a little, and I withstood most of their abuse with M stood with her sharp elbow pointed towards them. After a while I said something to one of them, but that didn't help at all. In fact, I may have been elbowed intentionally and hit with a purse. After the next song they calmed down, but they had done their damage. Thanks a lot, bitches!

I officially have cable. As of yesterday afternoon. Cable people visit #4 finally paid off. After two and a half weeks and about 800 calls to the cable company. Good news: they are waiving the installation charge. Isn't that nice? However, I can see this causing some domestic problems down the road with only one TV. My goal is to avoid watching TLC and the food network as much as possible, while getting M. to appreciate South Park. Pretty underwhelming stuff so far.

I last shaved 21 days ago. I woke up and thought, eh, so tired, for about three days in a row, and then it was on. Now some of my coworkers are starting a 'beard contest'. This is fine with me, except the contest is based on length of time not shaving, not quality of beard. Plus it just started yesterday, so my 'head-start' is worthless. I'm also worried by the fact that when three people (out of six) are left with beards, this turns into a moustache contest. That is going to be horrifying.

Hey, Arrested Development Season 2 is out on DVD! I hear it's a pretty decent show.

This weekend we're going to some hotel in the suburbs. The room is free, and fancy-nice, but the weekend might involve outlet malls. I am cautious.

Additions to iPod in last two days:

The Flaming Lips - 'Zaireeka' mixed down to single tracks; Clouds taste metallic; priest driven ambulance
V.A. - Growin' up too fast: the Girl-Group anthology
Common - 'Be'
Smoosh - 'She Like Electric'
The Ronettes - best of
De La Soul - '3 ft high and rising'
Big Star - 'Third/Sister Lovers'
Blackalicious - 'The Craft'
Handsome Boy Modeling School - 'White People'
The Kinks - various singles

The Top 100 Albums of All Time

2005-09-25T21:59:00.000-05:00

Rules: Only one album per artist, which makes things a lot harder than it looks. No compilations or 'best ofs', which ruled out a lot of old blues/country/R&B artists. I own all of these, so if there are glaring omissions, perhaps you can hook me up. This was composed in under 45 minutes in dim lighting. About a third of these were released this decade, which means it's a great time to be alive I guess. The order can be argued on a couple of these, especially near the end (I spent most of my time on #90-100)... but for the most part I think I got everything that belongs. Feedback is encouraged.

1. The Beatles - Revolver
2. Pavement - Slanted and Enchanted
3. R.E.M. - Murmur
4. Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea
5. David Bowie - The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars
6. Radiohead - Kid A
7. The Velvet Underground - The Velvet Underground & Nico
8. Elvis Costello - This Years Model
9. Silver Jews - American Water
10. DJ Shadow - Endtroducing...
11. Beach Boys - Pet Sounds
12. The White Stripes - White Blood Cells
13. Olivia Tremor Control - Black Foliage
14. Outkast - Stankonia
15. Sonic Youth - Daydream Nation
16. Guided by Voices - Bee Thousand
17. The Flaming Lips - The Soft Bulletin
18. The Zombies - Odessey and Oracle
19. Spoon - Kill the Moonlight
20. Weezer - Weezer (the blue album)
21. The Rolling Stones - Let it Bleed
22. Belle and Sebastian - If You're Feeling Sinister
23. The Pixies - Doolittle
24. My Bloody Valentine - Loveless
25. Beck - Odelay
26. Mates of State - Team Boo
27. Grandaddy - The Sophtware Slump
28. Stereolab - Dots and Loops
29. The New Pornographers - Electric Version
30. Pink Floyd - Piper at the Gates of Dawn
31. Michael Jackson - Thriller
32. Wu Tang Clan - Enter the Wu Tang: 36 Chambers
33. Television - Marquee Moon
34. Teenage Fanclub - Bandwagonesque
35. The Strokes - Is This It (UK version)
36. Elliot Smith - either/or
37. U2 - The Joshua Tree
38. Built to Spill - There's Nothing Wrong With Love
39. Public Enemy - It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back
40. Sleater-Kinney - One Beat
41. Marvin Gaye - What's Going On
42. The Clash - London Calling
43. The Gossip - That's Not What I Heard
44. Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - Tyranny of Distance
45. Mirah - Advisory Committee
46. Hot Hot Heat - Make Up the Breakdown
47. Led Zeppelin - IV
48. Bob Dylan - Blonde on Blonde
49. Super Furry Animals - Guerilla
50. Wilco - Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
51. Massive Attack - Mezzanine
52. Cat Power - You Are Free
53. Yo La Tengo - I Can Hear the Heart Beating as One
54. Bjork - Homogenic
55. Apples in Stereo - Fun Trick Noisemaker
56. Modest Mouse - The Lonesome Crowded West
57. Dismemberment Plan - Emergency & I
58. Beulah - When Your Heartstrings Break
59. The Stooges - Raw Power
60. Madvillain - Madvillainy
61. Le Tigre - Le Tigre
62. Saturday Looks Good to Me - Every Night
63. Handsome Boy Modeling School - So... How's Your Girl?
64. Death Cab for Cutie - We Have the Facts and We're Voting Yes
65. Beat Happening - Jamboree
66. Big Star - #1 Record
67. The Shins - Oh, Inverted World
68. Minutemen - Double Nickels on the Dime
69. Kanye West - The College Dropout
70. The Streets - Original Pirate Material
71. The Fiery Furnaces - Gallowsbird's Bark
72. Galaxie 500 - On Fire
73. All Girl Summer Fun Band - 2
74. Mercury Rev - Deserter's Songs
75. Wire - Pink Flag
76. Badly Drawn Boy - The Hour of Bewilderbeast
77. Flying Burrito Brothers - Guilded Palace of Sin
78. The Arcade Fire - Funeral
79. The Magnetic Fields - 69 Love Songs
80. Blur - Parklife
81. Jay-Z - The Blueprint
82. Dirtbombs - Ultraglide in Black
83. Slint - Spiderland
84. The Beta Band - 3 EPs
85. Modern Lovers - Modern Lovers
86. Eminem - The Marshall Mathers LP
87. Johnny Cash - At Folsom Prison
88. The Black Keys - Thickfreakness
89. Nirvana - Nevermind
90. The Fall - This Nation's Saving Grace
91. Blackalicious - Blazing Arrow
92. Nick Drake - Pink Moon
93. Minor Threat - Complete Discography
94. Von Bondies - Lack of Communication
95. The Microphones - The Glow Pt. 2
96. Gang of Four - Entertainment!
97. Greenhornes - Dual Mono
98. The Decemberists - Castaways and Cutouts
99. Brendan Benson - Lapalco
100. Beastie Boys - Paul's Boutique

Caayble Guy!

2005-09-24T22:09:00.000-05:00

I'm so pissed right now. Don't fuck with me, I will fucking kill you. I'm scowling so much that my forehead has disappeared. Since I started writing this sentence i'm on my third keyboard, the other two i've crushed to dust with my hands. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

This morning, saturday morning, I set the alarm. I set it for 7:55 am. The reason I did this is because today is cable day. Cable people from the cable company would be coming between the hours of 8 and 10 am and giving me espn. Sweet cable, I haven't had you for years. I don't need you, I can live without you, but i'd be nice to see you again, maybe catch a bite to eat, catch up on lost time and relive old memories, the good times....

The cable guys (2) came at 8:45. They went to the top floor to flip the magic switch that would give me cable. I set up the TV, licked my lips, and stared at it, waiting for it to go from stupid CBS to the TV guide channel or some shit. 15 minutes later one dude came down. His job was say "no sir" into his walkie talkie when the other dude asked "how bout now" every 10 seconds. the other dude came back down and told him to get something from the truck. the other dude pulling wires out of the wall, and asked if i had any other cable jack. I showed him to the bedroom, where he began pulling wires out of that wall. The one dude came back and came into my bedroom. He asked 'is that your guitar?' I said yes. He asked 'do you mind?' I said 'uh' and he picked it up and started playing something that a) sounded like crap and B) was too complicated for me to play. Then he asked 'do you have a pick?' and the other dude said 'here's one' as he looked on my floor. I should have said 'if you get the cable to work I will let you plug in', but I was getting annoyed.

An hour later they left. I didn't have cable, but they gave it to everyone on the floor for free.

So, no watching the badgers beat michigan today. Oh well, i'm sure it wasn't that thrilling, i've seen the badgers beat michigan hundreds of times.

There are other events of today, particularly of this evening, which have made my mood sink even further. I'm too pissed to get into it today, but it involves: my favorite cousin who i haven't seen in 15 months, a ramada inn in burr ridge, IL, a ten year high school reunion of a complete stranger, a restaurant called 'max and erna's', the silent treatment, and the rest of that bottle of jack daniels.

Tonite, on a very special 'Props'

2005-09-21T19:35:00.000-05:00

Let's imagine you are a young, single male. Average looking, and of average intelligence. Perhaps even below average. Now imagine that the hottest, most perfect woman in all the land suddenly takes a liking to you. You begin dating and eventually become a couple. She seems to genuinely enjoy being in your company, and you simply can't get enough of her. You should be the happiest you've ever been. But... you just have this nagging feeling in the back of your mind, this tiny thought that makes your stomach crawl, that you don't deserve her, and at any moment she will come to her senses and walk out the door and you'll never see her again.

That is how I feel about the show Arrested Development. It is everything I ever dreamed of and more. Each episode contains oh-so-many laughs, and more quick references than an episode of Family Guy written by Vladimir Nabokov. Nothing is dumbed down. Season one has been on DVD for awhile, that's how I got into it, and Season two comes out in a couple weeks. Season three began on Monday, but only 4 million people watched, and the annual cancellation rumors have already begun. I don't want the show to be on for 16 decreasing in quality seasons, and already we're on the verge of passing another of my all-time favs, SportsNight, in number of episodes. But I'm not ready for the ride to end. Give me six or seven solid seasons. Seinfeld started slow at first too, you know. Maybe people will come around. Maybe the DVD sales will be enough to keep it on a few more years. But, maybe, maybe even soon, she'll walk out the door tomorrow, and you'll never see her again. I don’t see you crying, robot. You taste these tears. dot com

Republicans review Kanye West's new album, Late Registration, on amazon.com

2005-09-21T19:25:00.000-05:00

Kanye's new album is pretty decent, not as good as the first, but certainly worth a listen. These are actual comments found on amazon.com.

One star - by Misterjaw "The meanest shark in the Pacific, EGOTCHA!"
I am sick of these praises for this knuckleheaded dumbcuff rapper Kanye West whom is a Puff Daddy or Huff Mama facsimimile. However, this dumbo is a racist! He degraded white people left and right since last year. First off, he made fun of Gretchen Wilson for winning Best New Artist. She had a hard upbringing and vilst I don't like her music, at least she can sing and such. This fool on the other hand was raised in a middle class family and uses a gangsta look to make himself look good when it makes him look silly dilly! Then he bashed Dick Clark after his defeat and threatened to boycott all award shows! Then he cried race card when Maroon 5 won a Best New Artist Grammy. Not only that but this yo-yo took his opportunity on the Hurricane relief telethon to put down the media for depicting black as evil when in fact the ones on TV were a few bad apples. Then he claimed0 President Bush was a racist instead of using his brief media time to build up the hope and happiness of the victims in the Gulf region. That shows you dumbcuff Kanye has an agenda. That agenda is: Do what is best for Kanye and make lousy albums that don't make me work hard and have dumbcuff friends like Jay-Z and such band together to cry America is racist which is hogwash. DON'T BUY THIS ALBUM or I'll yell EEGOTCHA!!

One star - Loch Ness Monster (Cedar City, Utah)
Question of the year: Do people buy this because they like the so called "Music" or because they want to be popular? I tell you what, it's the latter of the two. This album has absolutely not musical inventiveness and is so boring to listen to. After listening to one song on this album, I just said "forget it." It's basically just Kanye talking with a bunch of drums beating in the back. WOW! What talent that must take. You know I can talk when I have my car radio on too but I'm not going to go out an make an album because I have that talent. Seriously people, you don't need to buy this to be cool. It's more cool to be original and have your own taste in music. If you happen to like something someone else likes then great, but you don't need to like something just because everyone else has it. Not only that but Kanye West took his opportunity on that hurricane relief concert to put down President Bush instead of using his brief media time to build up the hope of the victims in the Gulf region. That shows you Kanye has an agenda. That agenda is: Do what is best for Kanye and make lousy albums that don't make me work hard and get a bunch of people to advertise the hell out of it and make me a lot of money. Shame on that. DON'T BUY THIS ALBUM!

One star - C. Harlan
One word that describes this little boy....racist. Good job stirring up hate and creating stupidity. Kanye West, Michael Moore, and Bill Maher need to get a room together since they get off on Bush so much and love making your money doing it. I would rather invest my money in used toilet paper than buy this crap. Here's my Rap song that describes this hate: Do not buy. Will not buy. Would have never bought. Kanye West, Michael Moore, and Bill Maher can suck my _________.

One star - James M. Wimmer "Hurmoth" (Vinton, VA USA)
I listened for close to 2 whole songs, but couldn't finish it. The music sucks, plan and simple. I'll stick my classical music instead of this nonsense! Plus, after listening to his comments regarding President Bush, I should've known that someone who needs an education can't sing.

One star - Nada "matrixtrilogy" (USA) - See all my reviews
Come on Kanyeeee!This some nasty stuff. Typical of what's happened to black music and the black community. Killing, biyaches and hoes, pimps, smoke da crack rock, rape rob and pillage, cap ya in da grill, get AIDS then spend the resta yo time complainin bout da white man, dawg. Kanyeee, can ya hum a few bars bout respectability, education, maybe a little birth control for da black community? How bout workin?? Able bodied black man spreadin he seed throughout da projects, promiscuous black welfare momma spittin out da kids for society to suppot. Education da white man's trick; we don do dat. Unejicated Kanyeeee complain Gawje Bush done like da black peeps. But Kanyeeeee dun say dat 67% of N.O. is black - dat over 1 million black folk and about 35% of dem be welfare mommas. Suckin off da gubmint teet - lazy, immoral folk. Black community today shameful before peeps like Washington Carver, Harriet Tubman, Booker T. Washington, Frederick Douglass. Sullied dey names with disgusting behavior and trashy "music" like dis. Rap bout da above Kanyeeee or you just wanna ignore dat blacks creatin dey own problems. Bring back Diana Ross, Da Four Tops, Stevie Wonder, da great Al Green. Motown, we miss ya! Kanyeee, Snoop Stink Dawg, Ludricrop, all da same ole junk - nuttin new. Dis rap is crap, word up. Ya might wanna serve up a lil Black Eyed Peas though!!!!!

Summer Jamz '05

2005-09-15T17:10:00.000-05:00

I know it's been so long, but I refuse to offer any apologies. Been busy, deal with it. Last night, for example, I tied a thermos to a kitchen chair with yarn, and then took a picture of it.

This weekend I'm going to Madison for a wedding. It will be my third consecutive weekend traveling to Wisconsin (1. camping labor day in new glarus 2. wedding in appleton) For this wedding M is the maid of honor. So we have to go to the rehearsal/dinner combo on friday, but after that I will enjoy our fancy hotel room with pool and watch college football on saturday. The wedding is late, and the reception at the hotel, so I can feign stomach pains and leave whenever I feel like it and order Pokey Sticks. Also plan on visiting old haunts (B-side records!) and possibly stocking up on cheap groceries. I will know a few people at the wedding, and M's dad, but nobody that's going to guarantee a good time. Unlike last weekend, which was the best time I've ever had at a wedding in years, if not ever. It seems like it's less fun for the people who are actually getting married, so count me out for awhile yet.

Yesterday after work I went to an Open House at an Insurance Company in the building taller than mine. There were games, like answering questions about insurance and then throwing a ball into buckets, bozo-style. There was also a drawing for ipods and portable dvd players. I won a slinky at the game, but no fancy electronics. I also had two beers and something large covered in chocolate. Being there for 30 minutes, I should have gotten 100 beers, it was so lame. Lame. Lame lame lame.

When I was on the golf team in high school my senior year, my golf coach (and freshman science teacher), upon realizing that I would not contribute anything to the team that year, told me he'd at least like to make me a respectable corporate golfer. I guess this means that I could go golfing with a bunch of suits and 'close deals' or whatever the hell I'm supposed to be doing. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm there yet, unless 'close deals' means lose 23 balls. Granted, a few weeks ago was my first time in 5 years, but still. I hoped I'd have suddenly gained some ability over time not playing. Nope. Still horrible. Really horrible. I wonder if my own mother, who to my knowledge has ever touched a golf club, and is not very athletic (though she does do aerobics), could beat me at golf. I'd say there's about a 30% chance she could. My name should be golf slang for doing really badly. "How'd ya do on the links today, Frank?" "Awful, I was nicking them all over the place. Every other hole I was nicking myself silly."

Camping was OK, weather was nice. It's a lot different going camping with your girlfriend than going camping with 6 pals from high school. For one, the person who drinks the most is honored the next day. In the other, you get yelled at for puking on someone's birkenstock sandal. For one, everyone takes turns starting fires and cooking. But not in the other. In one, you whine to each other about not having girlfriends to bring camping, and in the other you wonder how many more daddylonglegs spiders you have to kill before you go crazy. Ironically enough, this was the first time I've been camping where there was a campsite filled with single, 20 yr old girls.

I think it's pretty weak to talk about this, but my fantasy football team is great. The Wyld Stallyns are the points leader after week 1 in both my leagues.

I'll write more, I promise.

2005-09-14T19:23:00.000-05:00

Pay up or the Thermos gets it!

Props! Vol. 2

2005-08-13T20:57:00.000-05:00

"Props!" is a reoccuring feature on this site that will basically consist of a short list of things that are cool, things that are awesome, things that are recommended, and things that rule. I, therefore, will be giving mad "props" to everything on the list. You can read the first installment here. I apologize for not doing this again sooner, but I've been busy. Hope you're satisfied... So stop bothering me about it, assholes!

1. "America's Test Kitchen." Check your local listings on PBS for this cooking show, which usually airs on weekends. I'm now a cooking show expert, as my lovely girlfriend enjoys watching them (despite not really actually cooking herself). Most cooking shows are either kind of elitist in their assumption that everybody's kitchen just happens to have 9 quarts of squid-stock lying around, and make things that are too complicated or expensive for everyday use. ATK has much more of a populist appeal, and I've learned things from how to dice an onion to how to make shrimp to which is the best microwave popcorn. When this show ends after 30 short minutes, I am sad. I could watch it for hours.

2. The Elephant 6 Collective. This was a group of musicians/bands in the mid to late 90s, stemming from Athens, GA, which each released albums influenced by 60s Sgt. Pepperesque psychedelic pop, to put it the most simply. Everyone played on everyone else's albums, produced each other, and seemed to operate on a completely different level than all other 90s rock. The bands involved include the Apples in Stereo, Olivia Tremor Control (see previous post), and Neutral Milk Hotel. The latter's "In the Aeroplane Over the Sea" is probably one of the top 10 records of all time, buy it tomorrow if you don't have it.

3. Bob Costas. Since he only comes out of hiding to do his HBO show and Olympic broadcasts nowadays, I don't get to see much of him, but the man is always on his game. I remember his play by play from the NBA finals and World Series more than the games themselves, his steady intelligence and quick sarcastic wit never fall to brighten my sports-viewing experiences. He's going to be doing the pregame/halftime show next year when the Sunday night football games are on NBC, about 390 days away. I'm going to make a paper chain with 390 links, and each day i will cut another one off until, finally, I can be immersed in his brilliant radiance.

4. Tilapia. When it comes to fish, this one is great. Usually pretty inexpensive in a supermarket (4-5 dollars a pound, most of the time coming in individually vacuum-sealed packs), it is easy to make and very healthy. Best yet, most of these are raised in 'farms', instead of pulling out of polluted waters. I usually add salt/pepper, dill, lemon juice and occasionally garlic, then bake at 425 degrees for 15-20 minutes for 4 fillets. Tonight I made some on my George Foreman grill. It was OK, but the outside was kind of toughly hardened. Baking is 'where it's at,' though, as the kids say.

5. Public Transportation. Sure, you may love the Jaguar that you drive, and be secretly intimidated and confused by your city's public transportation system, but once you figure things out you'll realize how simple and easy it is. Why waste your commute cursing at traffic when you could be reading a book or dirty magazine?

Bringing about the apocalypse is not considered cool

2005-08-13T20:16:00.000-05:00

There's really not much to tell, this weekend is the last in a long while in which I'll be doing absolutely nothing. Today I created an N-shaped indentation in the couch, while watching nothing in particular in TV. I feel no guilt, there is no sense of a wasted opportunity here. The next bunch of weekends are all going to be filled with so much activity it's crazy. Next weekend i'm flying to mpls to get into 87 sorts of mischief, the following weekend M's family is visiting, then labor day weekend I'm going camping for three days with M (which should provide hilarious blog stories, stay tuned... she already freaked out as I was making the reservation when I told her what a 'pit-toilet' was. ha ha ha), then I plan on bathing and getting a haircut in time for two successive weddings, which will land me exhausted in the second half of september. Sometime in the middle of that I also have to draft the best fantasy football team ever, as well.

It's been so long, so I'll just hit the highlights of the past few weeks:

July 29, the Olivia Tremor Control concert. OTC is a band that broke up after their 1999 album, and is only playing a handful of shows before splitting up again, so I was super stoked to catch them. The show was sold out, held in a very small club. With everyone as excited as I was, that meant for a lot of squished sweaty people who knew all the songs. The stage was no less squished, as up to 10 people were playing in the band at once, each a variety of instruments: two guitarists, bass, keyboards, banjo, drums, clarinet, tuba, trombone, sax, trumpet, and various tape and effects machines. All of this while a constant looping psychedelic video projected on and behind the band. The sum effect was actually overwhelming at times, unlike their records the live show wasn't perfectly mixed, so if someone was watching without knowing the songs, they would have a hard time knowing what was going on. The sound got better after the first few songs, luckily, and the experience was as fantastic and trippy as I had hoped. They played for about two whole hours before the sound guy cut them off and kicked everyone out of the club at 2 in the morning. Great times.

The next week I had my first business meeting with a client. Going in, I wasn't too worried since someone else was going to be there. But, of course he happened to bail at the last minute, so I had to pretend I knew what was going on while I talked to this person. I took her out to lunch at a fancy Italian restaurant; I had the swordfish, it was superb. It was kind of like an awkward first date. Or so I can imagine, all of my first dates have gone completely smooth.

Last friday I went to a party. A real party, with a barrel of beer and loud music, people smoking on the balcony. I guy I work with was hosting, a bunch of coworkers showed up. I was asked to provide music, so I hooked up my iPod to his stereo and unleashed my partytime playlist, which surprising was a big hit. There is nothing that pleases me more than a bunch of people asking me questions about music. I got orders to burn several CDs already. Aside from getting completely drunk, I stayed out of trouble (no smoking, no drugs, no stealing things, no smashing things, no making out with anyone), left the party at 3:30, grabbed a gyro and a 'pizza puff,' and crashed at someone else's place, who has the best view I've ever seen anywhere in my entire life. Slept until the sun heated the room up to 120 degrees, and took the trains home saturday morning, where I sat on the couch and drank water the rest of the day. Great times.

The past week went pretty quickly, mostly due to the fact that i missed work on wed and thurs to attend a seminar on the west side of the city, which was so painful that I wished I could've worked instead. The best thing about it was that I got to take the bus through the ghetto on the way there. That was fun and interesting for me.

I think I'm going to go crazy and get cable television. For the sake of my fantasy football team.

For some reason I spent 45 minutes online today looking at Playstation 2 consoles and games. I may be done with books. I also finished the 'Firefly' DVDs, already super excited for the movie, out 9/30.

I may get forced to get a cell phone this week. We'll see.

Gigantic

2005-07-26T18:22:00.000-05:00

Last sunday was the hottest day in six years, high of 102 degrees. What better place to spend the day than at at outdoor festival!

To start from the beginning, I got there about noon on saturday, marveled at the lax security, and caught the last few songs of the Int'l Noise Conspiracy's set, which luckily included the only song of theirs that I know "capitalism stole my virginity" which is quite possibly the best song title of all time. Leave a comment if you can think of anything better. It did seem rather ironic, however, that the band played this at Lolla, on the SBC East stage, sponsored by a million giant corporations, to people that have paid the same amount for a ticket than people earn in a year in a third world country. But I'm down, yo, national health care would rock. Then i sat on the grass while M83 played their guitar based electro/instrumentals and applied a generous amount of sunscreen. Then moved back over to hear the Trail of Dead, who were loud as hell and pretty entertaining, they predictably smashed all their equipment at the end; even though i knew it was coming it was kinda cool to see not one, but two drum kits flying off the stage.

Then i traveled to the opposite corner of the field to see the Kaiser Chiefs. There were four stages, each in one corner of the giant field, and two stages played at once. The weird thing was while this was a relatively large area, you could still hear both playing at the same time if you were anywhere near the middle, and if you were up front by one of the stages you'd hear the other band when the one you were watching stopped. Anyway, the KC's were fantastic, I'd barely listened their album twice and seemed to know every song anyway (I described them to a friend as being Franz Ferdinand plus the Clash, but that seems kind of lazy). One of the highlights of day one for sure despite the singer losing his voice. He even brought a couple fans on stage to sing one of the songs. Incidentally, this is the second time I'd see a band do that, the first was Beulah in 2001 (with opening band being then-unknown Mates of State). Afterwards I saw about half of the Brian Jonestown Massacre's set, and then took off for a break, found food (giant burrito) and airconditioning. Came back to watch Blonde Redhead's show, which was OK (the other option was Billy Idol). It rained on me for about 25 minutes while i was waiting for the Black Keys to start. They finally did with me as close to the stage as I'd get on saturday. They were one the most anticipated bands to see for me, but I was worried how they'd sound outside as opposed to a small smokey club. Well, they definitely didn't disappoint at all, I was surprised to see the singer/guitarist didn't even use a pick despite sounding so loud and brutal at times. They played fantastic, and the songs were stuck in my head the rest of the day.

I had to rush across the field to get a decent spot to see the Pixies. They came out and played over 20 songs in 75 minutes, rarely speaking between at all. They sounded great, Frank Black sweated about 39 gallons but his voice was perfect, hitting all the screams and everything. It was cool to see them, finally, but I wish I would have in 1989 rather than 2005. They said goodnite and then slooooooooooowly walked off stage while the audience shouted for more, then went back and played 'Where is my Mind?" as the sun completely disappeared. That was fricking sweet right there.

Weezer was last, and i was pretty far away, but I felt they had somehow turned into a band that's going to end up playing state fairs when they're in their 50s. They played 6 songs from their first album and only 4 from their most recent. I was in the back, shouting for them to 'play the hits!'. I had seen them in 2001, and they were pretty good then, but now I was annoyed at Rivers' lame between song comments and the lack of energy they had. Their newest album is shit, by the way, remind me to delete it from my iPod.

I caught the train home and began my coughing and sneezing fit (I'm apparently allergic to outdoor music festivals). Went back around 2:30 on sunday, with M in tow, when it was about 100 degrees. Saw Dinosaur Jr play most of their set (another band reunited in the name of cashing in). They were loud and good, J Mascis now has long grey hair and a potbelly, which is kinda funny. M liked their set too, and recognized more songs than I. This lead me to the following conclusion about her taste in music: If she listened to them up to the year 2000, she would like them no matter what they sounded like. If she discovered them after the year 2000, she would like them only if they were 'pretty' sounding, not loud, not offensive in any way. If she heard a recording released prior to 2000 that wasn't pretty sounding, she would like it only if she had listened to it in her younger days. Which meant Dinosaur Jr. = good, but Sonic Youth = bad. Also, weirdly THe pixies 'doolittle' album is good, but the 'come on pilgrim' ep is bad. What a friggin nutbar!

Anyway, we spent the next couple hours hanging out in the shade, there were a lot of buses around, idling with air conditioning on. We refilled our four water bottles and went to see the Arcade Fire. They were fantastic, probably the best performance I saw all weekend. They came out in three-piece black suits, with the girls in long dresses and opera gloves. 9 people on stage, and all of them had tremendous energy. Though I haven't given their record enough spins (it didn't make the best of 2004 cut due to lack of singles) I did know most of the songs, and I recommend catching them live at any cost. I was blown away.

We saw Spoon next, my 5th time, had the best view of the weekend. They packed a lot into an hour, but only played songs from their last 3 albums. Which was fine, but i was hoping for '30 gallon tank'. Oh well. They played good, even the keyboard player didn't screw up at all (usually the weakest link of a spoon show). Played all the 'hits', I wish it could've gone over an hour.

After some 'cooling bus', saw some of both the Dandy Warhols and the Killers, then we had to get a spot for the last band of the night, Death Cab for Cutie, whom M loves with a fiery passion. (Their second album is great, third is okay, the rest are kinda blah, IMHO). They played and it was predictable and okay, but this point my allergies had started to kick in and I was busy worrying about Monday at work. M loved it, screaming like a 13 yr old between songs and jumping up and down and doing her weird dance when her feet remain planted but her torso moves rapidly from side to side. We left and caught a bus home, having finished about 9 liters of water between us. Still not sure if it was worth the ticket price, especially when compared to the previous weekend, but I'd stay it still was a good time, and I hope it comes back next year with a better lineup.

So after two days of working my new job, I'm officially disliking it. At least the days go by quickly, as I'm struggling to keep up with everything. I keep waiting for the 'Coffee is for Closers' speech. (First Prize: a new cadillac, Second Prize: a set of steak knives, Third Prize: You're Fired!) I'm sure it'll get better eventually (i hope) but this week is going to suck for sure. Friday I'm seeing the Olivia Tremor Control play in a club, which i'm stoked about. Also, no more outdoor concerts for the rest of the summer.

The Indie Sickness

2005-07-21T17:53:00.000-05:00

Unlike certain friends of mine, I try to update my blog at least once a week.

I'm getting a bit nervous about my job, next week is going to be hell, due to everyone going on vacation at once. I'm supposed to step in and pick up the slack, despite not having any experience or knowledge regarding the job I'll be doing. I'd go into it in more detail, but I can only think of one regular reader who would understand anything I'd be writing about. My new/future supervisor seems like a major hardass, a big switch from my current boss (31 yr old hot chick who is a Pavement fan and occasionally, when the weather was cooler, wore some fantastic patent leather boots that distracted from her otherwise corporate-style facade.)

Last weekend was good. I stop short of saying it ruled. M and I attended the festival on saturday, arrived as the first act was starting. It was about 90 degrees; the type of weekend in which there were no lines for beer but loooooooong lines for water refills. Saturday AC Newman ruled, the Go! Team as well, Four Tet was ok. There was a great record fair going on at the same time (mostly vinyl) in which I somehow managed to avoid spending any money, mostly because I didn't want to carry around any used early Rolling Stones LPs for the rest of the day. We left partway through headliner Tortoise's set, completely exhausted, at 9:30 pm. It was ridiculous, my knees somehow get broken after standing in a crowd for an hour. We snacked on overpriced food, drank 3 beers between us, and only watched five bands up close, but it seemed like I had been in a 3-year tour of war duty. We took the el then bus home, and collapsed in a tangle.

The next day I went solo; woke up with a sneeze attack that never really stopped. Funny what 15,000 people stomping around a park filled with dead grass and dusty infields can do. Arrived around 4, saw great sets by andrew bird, deerhoof, the wrens, les savy fav, and the decemberists, and headed home. The last two were particularly awesome. Going to shows alone is nothing really new for me, but the festivally atmosphere of group comradarie made me feel extra alone. But music tends to make up for these things.

The next day I woke up after sleeping for only a couple hours. I decided to call in sick for the first time in about 3 years to any job. I compensated by doing laundry, running errands, buying food, cooking dinner, and reading the entire 6th Harry Potter book (a mild thumbs up, but it's no Goblet of Fire, y'all!!!) So another four day week for me, which pretty much rules, except I still have a nasty cough from this weekend (apparently a lot of festival attendees do) and am trying to learn a million things at once. This weekend is Lollapalooza, which will be similar except much more expensive, and then next week I'll be pushed into the fire at work, attempting to survive. We'll see what happens.

Back and Forth

2005-07-12T17:58:00.000-05:00

It's only Tuesday and I'm already excited for the weekend. Saturday and Sunday I'll be attending the Intonation Music Fest; listening to a bunch of bands so cool that even I haven't heard them, plus some I do know fairly well, like:The Decemberists, Tortoise, AC Newman (of best of 2004 fame), the Go! Team, Les Savy Fav, The Hold Steady, Four Tet, Broken Social Scene, Deerhoof, and Death From Above 1979. At only 15 bucks a day it's quite a deal.

I know you're thinking, man, is this dude paying paid to advertise? Well, no, but this dude would like to avoid attending solo on Sunday (which has the best lineup, btw) so is trying to encourage fellow chicagoans to attend. But not everyone. Since the crowd is going to be made up of rock solid hipsters and the like, anyone who decides to come along must be cool enough not to embarrass me. I have nightmares about someone asking, loudly: "So what is 'post-rock' exactly?" OH! THE EMBARRASSMENT!!!

Also, i'm sure the current 5 day work week is causing me to prematurely dream about the weekend. Also looking forward to celebratory all you can eat indian food at friday lunch, which will eliminate all possibility of me doing anything productive for the rest of the day. So a 4 and a half day work week, basically.

last weekend I saw my family again. God, two weeks in a row, who do they think they are? My sister had a couple job interviews in some north suburbs, so the entire gang came along and stopped by for a few hours on saturday. Sunday M and I went to the beach. I have great inhibitions about swimming in the foul cesspool that is Lake Michigan, but I did it anyway and so far have not shown any ill effects. There were lifeguards in rowboats in the water, and one yelled at me for going past him. At this I stood up in water which came below my chest. Apparently that's far enough, mister. There was only about 25 minutes of 'swimming,' otherwise I succeeded in getting various bodyparts sunburnt (tops of my feet again, argh!) and being bored. Later sunday we went to see a movie of my choice, Me and You and Everyone We Know, currently in limited release. Best movie I've seen all year, I think. But it's right up my alley, your taste may differ, and I respect that.

Ha, ha ha, just kidding.

What the F...

2005-07-08T18:33:00.000-05:00

...is up with the weird extra spaces and ugliness of this blog? It just happened out of the blue! If anyone is brainy enough to fix it, let me know.

Dynamic Calories

2005-07-08T17:51:00.000-05:00

To bring you up to speed, Madison was a great success. It hasn't changed too much, and the air of familiarity was sweet-smelling indeed. Felt odd to drive across town without moving 5 feet at a time. Favorite restaurants are still there. Our hotel was nice but waaaaaaaaaay on the east side. They had a 'hospitality hour' on saturday from 5 to 7. The place was packed with the elderly, so I decided to get in the spirit by demanding my free old fashioned. Well, perhaps it was the bartender's inherent suspicion of anyone born after 1955, but the amount of alcohol in my (small, plastic) cup couldn't have given a fruit fly a buzz. However, two beers and two bowls of pretzels later, I had my revenge.

Then occurred a four day workweek, followed by a four day weekend, followed by another four day workweek, a pattern I wouldn't mind following indefinitely. The first four days kind of sucked, but during the second I made was has lately been a semi-annual journey to the land of my birth. M was working something fierce, and her reaction when I asked if I could take her car for four days was fierce enough to cause old people, pregnant women, and those with heart problems to drop dead immediately. My youth and vitality prevailed. I ended up getting a ride with a coworker and her friend to a town an hour west of my hometown. This journey, delayed by someone's lateness, someone's crazy hangover, and someone's poor driving skills, took about 9 hours. Finally made it home, and was treated like a king, with a giant steak from the grill and some brews. The next day I ate venison bacon for brunch, watched the amazing 150th anniversary of my town parade, won 3 of 4 games of HORSE at the driveway basketball hoop, and found a dead squirrel in my grade-school baseball glove. I caught a ride to the foxy cities with Dave and his wife, then marveled at FFL Nate's new bachelor pad, which is new enough to not be completely trashed. There was much of hanging out over the next 24 hours, soon Corey arrived and made me get enough actual exercise to cause soreness (or was that from sleeping on the floor?). Decadence continued until monday early afternoon, when I celebrated our nation's independence by waiting two hours for my late greyhound bus. I further rejoiced by enjoying an unnecessary 50 minute layover in Milwaukee.

This week I've had to work like a crazy person. Exciting news = I'm getting a 'promotion' of sorts at work. This promotion entails the following:

1. No more easy or boring work
2. A new cubicle in a heavy traffic area, meaning no more websurfing
3. Doing a new job (insurance broker) which will teach me valuable new skills by being so far over my head that I keep being told not to panic.
4. While doing new job, also do all the IT stuff I've been doing the past few months, except instead of having it take up 75% of my time, it should now take up 25%.
5. Being moved to salary, which means no more overtime.
6. Not getting a raise.
7. Not getting any sort of bonus.

Today I was told to meet with our division's CEO about this. I was expecting possibly #7 on the list from this, but instead all I received was the imperative "Work Hard." That was fulfilling.

Vacation, Part Deux

2005-06-24T15:03:00.000-05:00

Since last week was a disaster, we've decided to take a mini-trip back up to Madison for the weekend. Nice-looking hotel on the far east side, plus two tickets to the Nostalgia Train. Party like it's September 2004, y'all!

Not much has been happening lately. Last night I had dinner and many beers with some coworkers, then 'ran' about 800 blocks to catch my train home in time for most of the bastetball game. T-Dunc owned in the third quarter. Take that, haters!

Uh, um, I also shaved off my vacation-beard, which was down to a vacation-goatee. My office-groupies all had strong reactions.

Last weekend we saw Batman Begins. My office building is in Gotham City!!! I could totally be Robin!